Finding My Reality

So when i decided to get my shit together and find myself, i didnt think about the possibility that i may need to change more than i bargained for. I recently had to take a few days to eveluate my current situation with Chris and it was hard and scary. I was frustrated that such a big decision was on my shoulders, how can i love him so much and still feel as if i will forever be unhappy for settling? So i thought and analyzed and waited for some divine answer, and then last night i was dissapointed with our relationship and where it's left me so i finally told Chris my thoughts after he pleaded with me to tell him whats been wrong. He was as scared as I was and for a bit it seemed as though we couldn't compramise even to keep us together, but we finally did, sorta. I found it hard to focus on our future again today though, i hate that a future with someone can be so uncertain because i can only control my actions but in a relationship, both peoples actions effect everything. I need and want so much more in my life than i ver realized and i want more than anything to share them with Chris so i'm holding on to the man who made me realize i still wanted anything at all...