MoonViews

Working
I couldn’t wait for the weekend.
Away from you
I couldn’t wait for the promise
Of that lotioned look
And your dreamy smile.

Youth does
What it’s always supposed to do.
When you held me
And I held you
I became what a man is meant to me.

We laughed
On a cold and frigid morning
When the fire went out,
And I said it was woman’s work.
But I couldn’t leave that
Lotioned look.

So we shivered throughout the day;
Alone and loved -
Unlike today.

Have you ever wanted to be
someone you're not.
Have you ever thought that you
better than you.
Have you thought you are
when you're really not.
Prayed to be what you forgot.

Ever wanted a dream not to awake.
Felt a need to give
when you could only take.
Seen love in a cloud
and laughed out loud
And wanted the day to do it again...
Ever wanted a friend?

Looking at your picture
I thought so, too.
Bleeding for a reason
I thought of you.
Dressing for the day
I vacantly looked around
and returned to bed
to dream it down.

I’d sail the seas for your dream,
Kill a serpent for your heart,
And write the tale as your ghost.

I’d be the nightmare
You hate most
To be your sunshine in the morning.
I’d be the tear you wipe away
To be the smile that follows your pain.

I’d live years of misery
For a month of peace
As your man.
And when all else criticized
I’d understand.

I’d be the reason you cannot see,
For a minute of love
Between you and me.

I swore my love forever
On our honeymoon in France
But then our gorgeous neighbor
Got her brand new breast implants
I closed my eyes real tight each time
I saw her in her yard.
But heck, I’m just a man you know…
Resistance was too hard.

(And you won’t even try to understand!)

She asked me over to fix a fuse
She said she blew last night
And feeling rather neighborly
I thought it’d be all right.
But how was I to know she’d wear
Those little booty pants
Like those I wanted you to wear
On our honeymoon in France.

(See? It’s really your fault!)

So I snuck home very late that night
To find the locks all changed,
Your mother growling out the door
As if I were deranged.
Your father’s firm has since seen that
Baloney is a treat
And my expensive wardrobe
Is still out in the street.

(You never loved me to begin with!)

This trailer park I’m living in
Is full of jailhouse freaks.
Our neighbor with the breast implants
Hasn’t returned a call in weeks.
Last night some chick on methadone
Said she’d take a chance,
And for only one cold beer or two,
show her booty pants.

(Darling, I’ll do anything to come back!)

Last week I was watching television when I saw a commercial for a drug that treats Restless Leg Syndrome. The female announcer provided the following warning:

“Please inform your doctor if you experience increased gambling or sexual urges.”

Hmm, thinks I to myself. “Increased sexual urges” eh? Sounds like a horny pill to me.

So off I go to the doctor the very next morning.

I sat in the examining room for more than 30 minutes, bored to tears and reading outdated magazines, when suddenly I heard the doctor’s footsteps down the hallway heading my way.

By the time he opened the door, my legs were shaking like a whore in Church. I knocked the cotton swab container off the cabinet, and an inner-ear diagram off the wall.

“Doc! What the hell’s wrong with me?” I screamed.

“My lord, Moon!” he exclaimed. “You’ve got restless leg syndrome!”

“Oh no, oh no! Am I going to die? What can be done, doctor?”

“No, you’re not going to die. Here,” he said, handing me a prescription, “take this and you’ll be just fine.”

In the parking lot, giggling like a conspiratorial bandit, I jumped into my car and went to the pharmacy drive-thru and got my horny pills!

I got home and took the first pill, showered and shaved, put on my best duds and smell good, and waited for 5pm, when the local bar/meat market opened.

While waiting for the bar to open and horny pill to work, I thought I’d check my email. A piece of spam directed me to an Internet gambling site.

Well, that was four days ago, and to make a long story short, would anybody out there reading this be interested in cosigning a bank loan I need to purchase a bicycle?

That’s right. I spent all my savings, 401Ks, IRAs and maxed my 15 credit cards trying to get a row of cherries.

And the repo man is coming today for my car, but I won’t be here.

I’m off to join the anti-pharmaceutical Church of Scientology.

Moon