"The key to a healthy marriage is to keep your eyes wide open before you wed and half-closed thereafter." Benjamin Franklin

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.


1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place..

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already.

1. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. You sleep with your eyes open.
3. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
4. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
5. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
6. You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
7. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
8. You chew on other people’s fingernails.
9. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
10. You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
11. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
12. You can jump-start your car without cables.
13. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
14. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
15. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
16. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
17. People get dizzy just watching you.
18. Instant coffee takes too long.
19. You channel surf faster without a remote.
20. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
21. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
22. You short out motion detectors.
23. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
24. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
25. You help your dog chase its tail.
26. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
27. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
28. You ski uphill.
29. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
30. You answer the door before people knock.
31. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
(X) Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
(X) Made prank phone calls
(X) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
(X) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
(X) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
(X) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
(X) Been in a rain forest
(X) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
(X) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
(X) Been water-skiing
(X) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
( ) Been shot with a gun (who the hell has THIS as a goal??!!!??)
( ) Been Scuba diving
( ) Been to Stonehedge
( ) Been to a NBA game
(X) Walked across the Hoover Dam
(X) Has Witnessed the birth of a child

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Not in THIS lifetime!

Does a kiss make you feel better?
Depends where it is as to how much better it makes me feel.
(gotta stick w/Karen on this one)

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
I have passed out too many places to remember, all for reasons unknown.
Nothing to do with alcohol


Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before I get in.

What did you do today?
went on a Carnival Cruise Lines ship inspection, and had a REALLY yummy lunch on-board. THANKS CARNIVAL!



Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
ewwww... NO!


Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
guilty

Have you ever thought about your death?
All the time. :frown:

Ever been in love?
yup

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
Permanent relationship at this point - well, as "permanent" as relationships actually get. lol


What is your favorite sport?
to watch? Baseball

What color is your shower curtain?
have a door

Have you ever had stitches?
Yes, a few times

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
of course I did

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Yes - as in I know how it's done; but I don't seem to have the actual ability!

Lyrics stuck in your head?
yes, thanks to Karen... "another one bites the dust..."

Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
neither?

What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to court w/ my oldest. Hopefully for the last time.

Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
hummm.... gotta think about that one

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
I used to, but I'm a cold hearted bitch that needs it as much as anyone now. ROFLOL

Have you ever run over an animal?
once, but not on purpose

What is your favorite cereal?
can't pick just one

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
that's disgrossting

What are you doing right at this moment?
out dancing??? WTF would be YOUR best guess???!!??

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
whatever floats you boat

Where's your favorite place to be?
Any place where I'm debt free. (I'll go with this one too)

What's your favorite song?
waaaaaaaay too many to list

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
Coffee

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
nope, never

Have you ever been skinny dipping?
yup

Have you ever been arrested?
Nope

Do you dream in black and white?
No...I dream in color.

Do you talk in your sleep?
maybe?

Do you snore?
yeah, sometimes

Are you a redneck?
I don't think so, but maybe that's like "are you crazy?" I mean, if you REALLY are, would you know you are???

Funniest thing you heard all day?
humm... don't remember hearing anything funny today

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Yes :frown: Bastard!

What are you afraid of?
spiders and dying and the ones I love dying