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INVERSE VANDALISM

Create. Live. Evolve.

November 2009

( Monthly archive )

Settling into Fall

Hello Earthlings,

Tonight as I gaze down at Jackson Ave., I am relaxed. Relaxed for the first time in a couple of weeks.
A break up, a friend sent to rehab, and a hastily planned move. A weeks work done, a to-do list completely highlighted, and a cold Shiner Bock in hand. Haven't seen these in a while, so I grabbed a box full. Reminds me of my second home out on the range...

The new home is coming together nicely. I commandeered two very old gas space heaters from my mother at the old homestead and stopped by Home Depot to acquire the proper fittings to retro fit my palatial apartment. The ceramic elements are currently glowing in the darkness of living room #1 as the gentle, perfect heat drifts upwards into the arms of 12 ft ceilings and wraps down the walls to rest on my shoulders.

Living room #2 is even larger and houses everything musical and my office with echoes to spare. Ten foot double hung windows slide open as I walk out to the 400 sq. ft. wrap around balcony overlooking Jackson Ave. and Camp St. Four blocks to St. Charles. One block to Magazine. A ladder reaches from the my 2nd story balcony even higher to a third floor loft that is unrented and will stay that way so the landlord says. The tiny balcony on this level is easily 100 feet up and offers views of the entire skyline, the Mississippi River, and farther. And it's all mine.

The bedroom is smaller than the rest of the rooms, but also has access to the balcony. The second space heater resides there and is currently baking everything in the room. Gotta go turn it down. There. This brown, steel, behemoth burned my hands as a child and taught me to be cautious of things that radiate heat. The toasty, slightly gassy smelling air has me feeling nostalgic.

I am learning to embrace boredom. It has not been easy. Up until recently, I would already be out partying with whoever would let me at this time of night. But, I'd like to think I've changed a bit in the last few months. I still need to record three new songs I've written. Doing that soon. I'm gonna curl up with a good book now and bask in the warmth of contentment, so, until next time, goodnight.

18 years

, , ,

I just moved into the top floor of a mansion on Jackson Ave. and Magazine St. The wrap around balcony, the breeze, and the view are bringing me somewhere. I just wrote this song. Disregard the misplaced commas. They're all about the timing. I'll be recording it to post here tomorrow.

I was just the tender age of 14, when my loving father died.
And somehow, throughout the grief, helplessness, and pain I refused to cry.

Coping and survival kicked in, and my emotions ran to hide.
And my feelings unexpressed locked me deep inside myself, and chained my pride.

18 years of pain, where has it gotten me?
Lonely.
I might just need a shrink; already tried the drink.
Help me.

So I kept myself protected, in a crisis mode, for 18 years.
Using and then losing friends as quickly as I made 'em, and still no tears.

Gearing up for the next big drop on the self-destructive, roller coaster.
It's too bad we can't see ourselves and change the way we act as we grow older.

18 years of pain, where has gotten me?
Nowhere.
I'm enraged and vengeful, life's boring and uneventful
I didn't care.

As the earth revolved around the sun, I became a pro at manifesting drama.
And as the wasteful years flew by fast, I finally made up, with my mama.

But still in all relationships I sabotaged myself, to get my fix.
As soon as they were going somewhere good, I made damn sure they were nixed.

18 years of pain, you've made my life a living hell.
And now I know.
Almost outta rope, but I might be strong enough, to just let it go.
Yeah, Just let it go.

<solo>

So I think I finally found a place, within my head, and it's where I wanna be.
By a tranquil pool of water, on a mountain top, just inside of me.

And it's there that I forgave myself, for the hurt I've caused, all throughout the years.
And I watched that tranquil pool spill down the mountainside in a waterfall of tears.

18 years of pain, where have you gotten me?
Everywhere.
And Dad you know I love you so much, and I can't wait to see you there.
I can't wait to see you there.


I just composed the music and this is gonna be beautiful. Come back and check it out later. Peace.