INVERSE VANDALISM

Swine flu? Really? It was only a matter of time. For millions of years, infectious diseases have passed from animal to animal. So what's the big deal? I heard that the fever can raise your temperature so high, it feals like you're bakin'! Get it? HA!

The Center for Disease Control said the symptoms of swine flu include fever, aches, and an uncontrollable desire to roll in the mud. The only known cure for Swine Flu has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment. One of these might also work...



Since we may be totally screwed on this one, prayer might be the only answer. Behold, the Patron Saint of Bacon!

Saint Anthony
Protector of pigs, hermits, gravediggers and epileptics.

Saint Anthony was heralded as a modest and courteous man. He lived for 20 years barricaded in an abandoned fort, having contact with people only when his admirers broke in. Known for healing skin diseases and inflammations, he is often depicted with a pig because pork fat was used as a treatment with similar results. Being identified with pigs led the swine herders to take him as their patron. For this reason, he has become the Patron Saint of Bacon.

This figure pictures him with a frying pan with two strips of crispy, delicious bacon.



Prayer to Assist with the Enjoyment of Quality Bacon:
O wonderous St. Anthony, please bless me with an abundance of quality bacon and grant me the patience and timing to properly fry each glorious strip. Amen.


In other news, my good friend Nick Thompson whom I met in Austin years ago, recently contacted me on Facebook. He's been living in Hawaii with his lovely wife and baby girl. He quickly convinced me to start an AOL IM or AIM account so we could share recorded tracks. Interesting that in my last post I mentioned getting back into recording. The synchronicities and manifestations never cease. So, we're planning on recording an album in outer space between New Orleans and Hawaii. Once we get the ball rolling, I'll probably fly out there since I've got a free place to stay. Round trip tickets are only around $550. I'm visiting Austin very soon as well. Some friends came in for Jazz Fest and their auras really made me miss it. So, if I don't die of pig flu, the future's looking bright. If it decides to become a pandemic, that's cool too. I ain't scared.

As Porky Pig would say: "Weebada-weebada-tha-tha-that's all folks!"

Ahh, How sweet it is to be alive! Many great things have been whirling towards me from the farthest regions of the universe as of late. And they will keep coming for I finally have it. The precious jewel of proper perception. Countless occurrences are compounding at an alarming rate and pushing me towards financial independence and freedom far quicker than I expected. I will be a millionaire in five years if I don’t fly into space in two.

Currently, I’m sitting on the front porch smoking a Cuban cigar and sipping on a cold glass of soy milk. I’m also reading “The Know-It-All” by A.J. Jacobs, and the current issues of Scientific American and Success magazine. Both are equally fascinating.

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. Let’s see…

I bought a work van for my company. It’s a Ford E250 with built in tool boxes and a steel wall between the front seats and the back. And since there’s no back window, it’s impenetrable, so I can leave my tools safely locked inside, along with any fat children I might coax into “going to get a Happy Meal”…. It looks a serial killer van.

I also got a new car. I traded a 1980 Mercedes Benz (the one I was going to make Biodiesel for) with 310,000 miles on it for a 2002 Ford Taurus with 75,000 miles on it. Decent! It runs great and has an air conditioner, which I haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing in YEARS. Oh, AND a radio!

I got a call to refinish an outdoor kitchen for the owner of ReMax Realtors (Southeast Quadrant), and she invited me to do a presentation in front of 47 of her best employees. If you didn’t know, ReMax sells a SHIT-TON of real estate. You have to sell a couple of million dollars a year just to be hired by them. So, that’s extremely promising.

Oh yeah, this deserves a post all by itself, but the Studio at Colton has invited me in to its bosom! Colton School sits on the edge of the Fauxberg Marigny just outside the French Quarter. Before Hurricane Katrina closed its doors, it was a normal public school. Lots of re-shuffling took place afterwards and it was never reopened, until now. It is now a public art cooperative managed by the Creative Alliance of New Orleans (CANO). This building takes up an entire city block and is filled with common creative workplaces members can share. There’s music studios, darkrooms, dance studios, painting galleries, a green screen room, a kiln for pottery, an 1100 seat theater, and tons more. There are still some rooms left to occupy and I’m getting one. I’ve been invited to first work my magic in the grand entryway. I’m thinking of doing a sacred geometry themed piece. (i.e. The golden spiral, the flower of life, ect.) I’m also installing a statue. Anyways, the way you pay for your studio space is by giving back to the community a few times a month by teaching classes to kids in your field of expertise or if you’re not an expert, holding workshops and allowing people to release their creativity. Here's an awesome slideshow from Colton.

Speaking of statues, I’m getting into cement furniture. Stained concrete is beautiful, and I figure I can use my Spray Top to spray cement right over wood furniture and then stain and polish it. Now I’m not saying I’m an alchemist, but I can turn your dining room table into marble. This will lead to designing furniture in-house and having my own showroom. From there, I will branch out and become extremely wealthy. As you can see, I’ve started speaking of the future as though it has already happened. That’s the key. Follow my lead. It’s working.

Let’s see. What else? Oh yeah.

I’m getting out of jury duty tomorrow, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me. Do you hear me Judicial Branch?! I spent two hours last night researching the most effective ways to do so and learned that I was a shoe-in for dismissal.

First of all, you have to show up the first day or they’ll find you in contempt and you’ll wind up covering your ass at parish lockup for a few days. I’ve been in there a couple of times and seen some crazy shit man… Anyways, from what I gather, you go in with like 30 other people and the judge asks you a series of questions while the lawyers take notes. Questions like:

What do you do for a living? Awesome. I happen to know that if you own a small business, there’s a good chance they’ll let you off the hook. With the “bad economy” and all, they don’t want to slow down the gears.

Are you friends with any police officers or lawyers? Kick-ass! My brother-in-law is a lawyer! They don’t want to deal with anyone who has been too close to the inner workings of their tangled web of bureaucracy. It scares them. Essentially, they’re looking for sheep to buy their arguments. Sorry if anyone reading this has served.

Do you or anyone in your family have a criminal record? Nope. Actually, my great uncle may have killed someone, but no one knows for sure. I think this question boils down to whether or not you trust the police. I might jump in on this one and say “No. But my home was burglarized in October and they took everything I own. It could’ve been anyone in this room. And the police? They did nothing.” Just to pad my lead…

After the initial questions, you’re excused so the lawyers can argue over who stays and goes. So it goes from 30 (which I made up) to 20. (yet another fictitious number) If I’m still around after that, which I won’t be, we proceed to step 2. Angry Prick.

The lawyers now jump in and start asking questions to test your wit and sheepishness. So, morons and Christians is what they’re gunning for. Now it’s time for the magic statement. Use this. It will work: “It angers me that the judicial system has suppressed the right of Jury Nullification...”

Or: “I think that we have way too many laws and they are tangling up our liberties. I strictly follow the constitution.”

There you have it. I’ll see you in Success Magazine.

P.S. - I was gonna post this yesterday but didn't. I went in today for jury selection and they didn't even call my name!! WTF!! I still have to go in from 9am-1pm twice a week for the rest of the month just to wait around to be called. Only then can I unleash my ammo. Weak!

Peace.

The Number One:

The Creative, Male, Dominant, Alpha, Leader, Ambition,
Initiation, Individualism, Self, Arrogance, Aggression,
Attainment, Happiness, Fulfillment, Glory, Fame, Birth,
Fire, Unique, Omniscience

The Number Two:

The Submissive, Female, Dualism, Cooperation, Consideration,
Cooperation, Balance, Mediation, The Other, Love,
Flexibility, Adaptability, Grace, Dance, Harmony, Devotion,
Obedience, The Subconscious, Water, Soul Mate,

The Number Three:

The Divided, Triangle, Multiples, The Holy Trinity, Faith,
Hope and Charity, Expression, Speech, Wit, Society, Art,
Culture, Sensuality, Sorrow, Immaturity, Passion, Air,
Surprise, Spontaneity, Change, Sex

The Number Four:

The Builder, Foundation, Stability, Patriarchy, Power,
Progress, Earth, Justice, Ability, Manual Dexterity,
Practical, Law, The Conscious Mind, Civilization,
Traditional, Profit, Wisdom, Commerce, Health, Conviction

The Number Five:

The Visionary, Expansion, Opportunity, The Matriarchy,
Adventure, Imagination, Story-telling, Symbols,
The Subconscious Mind, Individualism, Freedom, Healing,
Miracle, Choices, Unconditional Love, Mercy, Kindness,
Invention, Resourceful, The New Age, Assistant.

The Number Six:

The Protector, Provider, Healer, Nurturing, Children,
Empathy, Intuition, Sympathy, Quality, Sustenance,
Love of Community, Unconditional love, Circulation,
Economy, Agriculture, Charity, Balance, Grace, Evolution,
Simplicity, Sorcery.

The Number Seven:

The Analyst, Thinker, Science, Learning, Education, Study,
The Written Word, Logic, Alchemy, Secrets, Myth, Religion,
Ritual, Understanding, Knowledge, Isolation, Chastity,
Dignity, The Collective Consciousness, Genius.

The Number Eight:

The Manifesting, Wealth, Power, Riches, Status, Material,
Pragmatism, The Ego, Provision, Aggregation, Dictatorship,
Multiples, Business, Investment, Employment, Appearance,
Customs, Skills, Exchange, Reality, World Transformation.

The Number Nine:

The Humanitarian, Religious, Charitable, Philanthropic,
Duty, Calling, Mission, Obligations, Hardship,
The Higher Self, Spirit Guides, Mysticism, Faith,
Angel on Earth, Faith in Mankind, Optimist, Suffering,
Self-sacrifice, Karma, Enlightenment, Divine Wisdom.

The Number Eleven:

The Master Teacher, Illumination, Enlightenment,
Inspirational, Idealism, Intuitive, Psychic, Channeling,
Poetry, Art, Symbols, Expression, Dreamer, Revolution,
Drugs, Alternate Consciousness, Mysticism, Catalyst,
Prisoner, Prophet.


The Number Twenty Two:

The Master Builder, Dreams Made Manifest, Ancient Wisdom,
Realization, Force of Nature, The Future, Evolution,
Technology, Universal Love, God, Retribution, Redemption,
Love, War, Leader, The Universe, Personal Power, Charisma,
Service, The Divine Imagination.