Originally posted by Big Dawg:

when did -MK lose his mind?

When did this MK guy lose his mind?! WHEN DID HE LOSE HIS MIND?! He didn't lose his mind...

I TOOK IT! WAH-HAH-HAH!

However, he did lose his marbles! No wait, I TOOK THOSE TOO! Nyah-heheheh!

It's like having a pet shrimp. Only stupider!

Originally posted by Ace Jon:

How come -MK is so good at impersonating Wario?

What?!

NO ONE CAN IMPERSONATE ME! EVEN THAT STUPID CHARLES MARTINET GUY!

You must be confused! I'MA THE ONLY IMPERSONATOR AROUND! Here's something I've prepared for you!

HEY! I'MA ACE JON! I'M-AN IDIOT! HAR HAR HAR!

How as that? SPOT-ON?! If you didn't like it, TOO BAD. Besides, you have a stupid name. From now on, you're SPACE JON. It's what astronauts use when they go to the bathroom! Now get outta here, you Rocket Toilet!

Any more of you LOSARS want to ask me another question?! Give it your best shot, NYAH-HAH-HAH-HAA!!!

Originally posted by addamup23:

Dude.

Okay, slow down! Not all at once! There are a numbar of things wrong with this. And you. HAH! But the biggest thing wrong with your question is:

You leave your brain at home or something? Nyah!

I can sell you MK's brain--if you like stupid shrimp brains! Your question--IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A QUESTION MARK! Were you trying to ask me what "Dude" meant? Where did it come from? Why I'm so handsome?! Or is this a Big Lebowski reference?! I'ma startin' to think it WASN'T MEANT TO BE A QUESTION AT ALL! Well, whatever you're planning--I DON'T LIKE IT OR YOUR UGLY MUG. Ask me a REAL question or HAVE A ROTTEN DAY. Oh, and if you decide to ask a REAL question:


REMEMBER TO BRING YOUR BRAIN! WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE FARTS?

Originally posted by G-off:

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE FARTS?

FARTING is a subject I hold very HIGH. I mean that from the bottom of my heart of my bottom. I fart all the time! I fart in my car! I fart in your car! I fart in public places! I fart on private property! I fart when it's sunny! I fart when it's raining cats and dogs--I FART ON CATS AND DOGS. Especially Dribble and Spitz.

I'm even farting right now! Silent but stinky!

So, Mistar Off, you ask what is with all the farts? I will tell you--BUT ONLY ONCE. A manly man like Wario knows he's the GREATEST. NYAH-HAH-HAH! But others (idiots, mostly), don't catch on so quick! You see, mostly everyone has five senses! The best advertisements aim for more senses! Clearly, I'm the best lookin' out of all of you losars--and jerks can hear my cackle from MILES AWAY! WAH-HAH-HAH!! I've got the two best senses covered! What about my deaf and blind followers? HOW WILL THEY KNOW I AM NEAR?! And then it hit me: SMELL. By farting, I HAVE GAINED THE ATTENTION OF THREE SENSES! 60 % of your senses BELONG TO ME!

But then, I've been thinking! I could easily boost that to FOUR senses! I've been working on a fart so PUTRID, HORRIBLE AND DISGUSTING that you can TASTE IT. Alright, HERE I GO:


Hrmph! FFFFTHPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHPPPPPPP!!!!

WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH! NYEH-HEHEHEHEHEHE--WAAAAAAAAH HAH HAH HAH! NYA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-hee-hee... Hoo hoo.. Hee.. Hoo. Hee.


NURSE MONA. GET THE BED PAN.

...Mamma-mia...

Originally posted by Ace Jon:

Last halloween I changed my username to Space Jon. Coincidence?

BLAH BLAH BLAH! Last Halloween... BLAH BLAH BLAH! Space Jon... BLAH BLAH--

SHUT-UP. It's no coincidence! You're my PUPPET! I CONTROL YOU. WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH! Oh, and by the way:


Now go put 50 dollars in my checking account.

Originally posted by Greliz:

Oo! Oo!!! Doctor Wario!!

Wanna go build a go-kart?

DO I EVER?!

Er...a-hem! I mean, NO! NEVER! OK, MAYBE A LITTLE. Still, why go through the trouble of building a go-kart when you can STEAL ONE! NYAH-HA-HA! Did you know that kart-racing is the PRIMARY reason why the Mushroom Kingdom is such a loser country?! No one can even pass a law or sign a treaty. They got close once--but before Princess Peach could get anything done someone shouts, "WHO'S UP FOR A ROUND OF GO-KARTS?!"

Howabout the Mushroom Kingdom boosts their economy? TOO BAD! WE'RE RACING OUR GO-KARTS!
Plant more trees for the environment? SURE, RIGHT AFTER THIS GRAND PRIX!!
Invest in the country's culture? WHAT--GO-KARTS AREN'T CULTURE?!

Go-karts are to blame for everything! They can't even set up a democracy--how can they get anyone to vote when they're too busy drifting around banana peels!? The Mushroom Kingdom is still in the MIDDLE AGES for crying out loud. I mean, they should at least invest in a BANK or something! I'm sure all of them are tired of trying to hide their coins in floating blocks in the sky. If they had a bank, I'd at least have SOMETHING TO ROB. WAH-HA-HA!

In the Mushroom Kingdom, go-karts take priority over EVERYTHING! It's not a law or a decree--they REALLY love their go-karts! I take advantage of this ALL THE TIME. That's how I've gotten more than HALF of my stuff! For example, I see a golden statue being guarded by Peach's brigade, I shout: LET'SA PLAY MARIO KART! They drop everything and run for the tracks! It's pathetic how easy it is--there's no challenge anymore! Sometimes, I get so bored, I'll JOIN them!

Yeah? So what if I race go-karts, too? If they are going to drive their country into the ground, I'MA GONNA SHOW THEM HOW TO DO IT RIGHT!


I'MA WARIO! I'MA GONNA WIN! NYA-HAH-HAH!

So, Dr. Wario, what are the different specimens of viruses in the Mushroom Kingdom? Dr. Mario didn't specify. He just had us chunk pills at viruses. There's no known cure for any virus, so how can we kill them with pills?

Originally posted by Khadgar:

So, Dr. Wario, what are the different specimens of viruses in the Mushroom Kingdom? Dr. Mario didn't specify. He just had us chunk pills at viruses.

Dr. MARIO?! Last I checked it he was just MARIO. NEVER take a prescription from him. That quack thinks that dressing up like a doctor makes him a doctor! What an idiot! NYA-HA-HA! Er...


Uh... Ha-ha! Like I said... Mario is an idiot!. . .

Anyway, there's TONS of viruses in the Mushroom Kingdom! I used to collect them! Most of them are boring, like the ones that make colds and flus! The more interesting ones are the ones you can ONLY find in the Mushroom Kingdom. There's one in particular called a fire flower that gives you a burning sensation when you pee.

Originally posted by Khadgar:

There's no known cure for any virus, so how can we kill them with pills?

WHY SO SERIOUS?! WAH-HAH-HAH!

Originally posted by Big Dawg:

You didn't know mushroom kingdom has banks? they store stars or something gay like that.

LOOKS LIKE YOUR KIND OF BANK! YAH-HAH-HAH!

Originally posted by DrewMears:

Dr. Wario, I have just one question for you. DID YOU, OR DID YOU NOT, EAT THIS CLOVE OF GARLIC?!

I rest my case.

Or something.

WHAT GARLIC?

how awesome is it that there are now over 1,800 members on N+?

Originally posted by Octary:

ô A ô ...

...

So what's for dinner, Doctor Wario?

Oh! You've made it JUST IN TIME! I've been preparing something just for YOU. Hold on a sec--


IT'SA 'ROUND HERE SOMEWHERE...

YES! Found it--a nice long stringy one! It's your DINNER--picked FRESH from the OLFACTORY ORCHARD! NYE-HEHEHE...


Actually... I'd better keep this one for my collection.

Who would dig for gold just to give it away?! NOT ME! WAH-HAH!

Originally posted by flutterpony:

Doctor Wario...

;3;

Was the cake REALLY a lie..?

ARE YOU REALLY AN IDIOT?

WHO TOLD YOU IT WAS A LIE? It was a QUITTER, THAT'S WHO! Now you keep doing whatevar you were doing so you won't find out I took your cake and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Cake motivates a LOT of jerks--almost more than GO-KARTS.

Originally posted by Big Dawg:

How did you ever convince Mona to go along with this scam?

There are a few things wrong with that question. For starters:


She works for WarioWare, Inc.

I shouldn't have to TALK my employees into my scams--I PAY THEM (POORLY). If they don't like it, they can EAT MY STOOL. Where else would they work? The extra-lousy Mario Bros. Plumbing Co? When's the last time they PLUMBED anyway? I left them an impressive clog to PLUMB out of my SEPTIC TANK! NYA-HAH-HAH-HAH!

Secondly:


THERE'S NO SCAM HERE. THIS IS A LEGITIMATE OPERATION.

Everyone flocks to the GREAT WARIO! I bestow my GREAT KNOWLEDGE onto them for a CHEAP PRICE! How is that a SCAM?!


DON'T ANSWER THAT IF YOU WANT YOUR JOB.

YUP. NO SCAM HERE. Just a DOCTAR who IS SMARTER THAN EVERYONE. WAH-HAH-HAH!

Originally posted by CaptainSeagull:

how awesome is it that there are now over 1,800 members on N+?

I HAVE 2507 BOOGERS IN MY BOOGER COLLECTION.

GUESS WHICH ONE I CARE ABOUT MORE?!


What? You're still here? Go away.

Dr. Wario, Why do people in the Mushroom Kingdom constantly wear gloves? You wear gloves, Mario and Luigi wear gloves, Princess Peach wears gloves, what's with all the gloves? Do you wear them because Mario does?

Originally posted by DrewMears:

Dr. Wario, why do fools fall in love?

Well... er...
Love is a complicated thing... Truth is, I kinda have a crush on someone you might know. No, not your mom. I have a strict NO COW policy. I've always kind of had this thing for...

YOUR WALLET.
Me and her go way back. I still remember the first time we met. Our first date was at my bank, where I deposited all of your money! However... she still hasn't called me back. I WILL WIN YOU BACK, BABY, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! And if LOVING her is FOOLISH--

THEN I'M THE BIGGEST FOOL THERE EVER WAS.
...figuratively speaking, of course.

Originally posted by G-off:

Dr. Wario, Why do people in the Mushroom Kingdom constantly wear gloves? You wear gloves, Mario and Luigi wear gloves, Princess Peach wears gloves, what's with all the gloves? Do you wear them because Mario does?

Okay, listen up: I'm not some sort of authority on the Mushroom Kingdom. Where would you LOSARS get a STUPID idea like that? Don't get me wrong--I'ma DOCTAR Wario--I just didn't waste all my time studying that stupid monarchy. Just because I steal their stuff doesn't mean I live there. Hey, I travel a lot, but there's only one place I could ever call home:

A heaping pile of CASH. WAH-HAH-HAH!
You ask what's the deal with the gloves? And then you ask if I wear gloves because Mario wears'm. And then I wonder if you are MADE OUT OF STUPID or do you just LOOK LIKE IT? Open your head, dust off your brain, and use it for once! Wave hello--it's been lonely! You can borrow MK's brain... I've been trying to sell it on eBay for weeks! I guess no one wants a LIKE-NEW, NEVER-USED BRAIN for a penny (maybe it's the $400 shipping charge throwing people off. . .) Here, I'll break it down for you: What do I do when I'm not being a handsome doctar or running my own video game company?

I just took your wallet while you were distracted!
The last thing any decent thief ever wants is to leave evidence by accident. Is the clock in your head ticking yet, or is there a STUPID-STICK™ stuck in the gears? F-I-N-G-E-R-P-R-I-N-T-S. It's nature's oily way of saying "Hey look! Wario was here and he put his sexy hands on this!" Whenever I DO want to leave a mark, I don't want it to be some ugly swirl (no offense to awesome swirls)--I'll just put a GIANT W on it or something. But I'll NEVER leave a mark without me knowing about it: and that's what the gloves are for.

Do I wear them because Mario does? BLASPHEMY! I'M REVOLTED. Yes, WARIO is DISGUSTED. I can't even look at you anymore (you never made it easy to begin with). To even COMPARE me with that no-talent Princess-chasing HACK... Ugh... I think I feel some of my GARLIC-ONION SHAKE coming back up.

...it tastes a little better the second time around, actually.

*AHEM* Your STUPIDITY aside: What is everyone else's deal with gloves? How is that any of my business? I don't ask you why you constantly smell bad--I just accept that you're a stinking LOSAR. WAH-HAH-HAH! Maybe they are all up to no good (like me, only less handsome)... especially that Luigi guy. I caught him peering into my window last night! The stupid princess wears'm because she's a princess. They have to. It's one of the only laws they've passed... if you're gonna dress up like a princess, you need gloves. I don't know what the deal is with that creepy Luigi, but I do know why Mario always has them on.

I GLUED THEM TO HIS HANDS. NYA-HA-HA-HA!
He's afraid to pull them off because his hands are SO HAIRY. WAH-HA-HA-GROSS.

Dr. Wario, what is your relationship with Waluigi? Are you brothers? Is there possibly a romance there? Possibly a bromance, if you will?

Originally posted by G-off:

Dr. Wario, what is your relationship with Waluigi? Are you brothers? Is there possibly a romance there? Possibly a bromance, if you will?

Nah, it's just guy love. There's nothing gay about it in their eyes.

Originally posted by G-off:

Dr. Wario, what is your relationship with Waluigi? Are you brothers? Is there possibly a romance there? Possibly a bromance, if you will?

Oh great. A Waluigi question. Look everyone: I'm offering my services as a SUPER-SMART DOCTAR yet everyone is lining up to ask STUPID questions. No good questions like How did you get so awesome, Wario? or Why are you so much handsomer than everyone else?! I am so SICK of Waluigi questions. So I'ma gonna try to put an end to it all... No, not kill Waluigi (even though I'd like to). Dr. Wario presents:

The Deal with WALUIGI

First off, Waluigi is not my brother. I am NOT related to him. I NEVER want to be related to him. I don't even send him a card for holidays. As far as I'm concerned, he can trip and fall on an ax.

Okay, so that's out of the way. A couple of years ago, instead of trying to fix their failing economy, the Mushroom Kingdom expanded their go-karting fetish onto other activies: Golf, baseball, soccer, or just throwing huge parties on oversized Monopoly boards. Of course I had to show up and remind them that WARIO IS THE GREATEST. Then one day, everyone wanted to play TENNIS--DOUBLES tennis! None of those losars were good enough to be my tennis partner... so I decided to outsource a little...

I held tryouts. Tons of jerks lined up to help me smash those Mushroom Kingdom jerks and claim the prize! Most've them were UGLY and STUPID (I think I remember seeing your mother there...), but only one of them could barely manage a passable resume.

So I hired Richard Milhous Dastardly Jr. to be my tennis partner. He kept asking if he could bring his stupid dog. I told him if he brought his wheezing dog I would sell it to a Chinese restaurant. It was pretty tasty, I'll tell you that much. Anyhoo... I had to make him look the part so we fixed up his moustache, put on some make-up, a purple outfit, and the pseudonym of WALUIGI.

I hired an actor to be my sidekick to win a tennis tournament. I wish that was the end of the story.

After the first tennis tournament, everyone was like, "Oh cute, it's the Wario Bros.!" I was trying to hold in my vomit, but he loved the idea, apparently. He started volunteering to be my tennis partner for free. More money for me, I thought. He practically worshipped me! He picked up my accent and everything! Normally, I'd think: Awesome. Let's see how much money I can scam out of this follower before I kick him out of the door. But this was downright creepy. Almost Luigi creepy.

He started showing up wherever I went! He started going to parties uninvited. No one would say anything because they were like, "Ooh the sneaky Waluigi guy is here to ruin our day, hyuk hyuk" And he'd act like he was reporting for duty! WHAT DUTY. GO AWAY. Now he THINKS he's my brother. He's taking this WAAAAAAAY too far.

I've tried everything: Punching him. Calling him names. Punching him again. Stealing his stuff. Some more punches. Firing him. Punches! He's like a rash that won't go away. That one time where I stole everything he owned AND his inheritance, he just said, "Oh Wario! You got me. I shouldn't have let my guard down" and followed me around all day! Dick... Richard... (shudder) WALUIGI... if you're reading this:

GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU'RE FIRED.

Originally posted by lutherjw:

Originally posted by G-off:

Dr. Wario, what is your relationship with Waluigi? Are you brothers? Is there possibly a romance there? Possibly a bromance, if you will?

Nah, it's just guy love. There's nothing gay about it in their eyes.

GO TO HELL.

Originally posted by addamup23:

Dr. Wario Who will win today the Washington Redskins or the Philadelphia Eagles?

Win in what? Being LOSARS?! WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

What do you mean losars can't win at being losars?

Because that means they'd have to win something--which no longer makes them losars? Okay, from now on, Dr. Wario states that the ONLY thing that LOSARS can WIN at is being a LOSAR. That makes all of you WINNERS in my heart...

WINNERS AT LOSING! WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

Dr. Wario demands more questions.

Who put the ram in the ram-ma-lang-a-ding-dong?

Originally posted by Big Dawg:

Why does grabbing a fire flower change the colour of the Mario bros. clothes?

...seriously?

Let'sa put this into perspective: A man grabs a flower that gives him the ability to SHOOT FIRE OUT OF HIS HANDS and you are WORRIED ABOUT THE COLOR OF HIS CLOTHES. Some how I think the world would be better off if I just stopped you right here and now, but you have ANOTHER question...

Originally posted by Big Dawg:

Why would Mario go spinning about like mad inside of a blue koopa shell?

How should I know? Do I look like Mario to you? ...Don't answer that. I guess that's Mario's thing. Here's what I'd do: I'd use the Koopa Shell as a disguise, blend in with the rest of the troops, and steal everything Bowser's got! It's kind of like how I robbed your house last night, but...

I DON'T NEED A DISGUISE FOR YOUR MOM TO LET ME IN!

WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH! Oh. Tell your mom to stop calling. (How did she get my number, anyhow)

Originally posted by seaempty:

Who put the ram in the ram-ma-lang-a-ding-dong?

Ah, good ol' George 'Wydell' Jones Jr. He was the lead vocalist and song writer for his doo-wop group The Edsels. The group recorded the song "Rama Lama Ding Dong" in 1958. It was a mild hit, but in 1961 a New York DJ started to use it as a segue for "Blue Moon" and the radio station's phones lit up like Christmas trees! I always thought it was funny how the song got super popular AFTER the group broke up. So, to answer your question:

George Jones Jr. put the RAM in "RAMA-LAMA-DING-DONG"

It's a terrible name for a girl, but great for doo-wop harmonies, apparently. Man, I'll miss that guy. He was one of my best friends... almost as AWESOME AS ME. So you idiots better pay some respect. So from now on, you are no longer seaempty... you will live on as RAMA LAMA DING DONG Jr. in remembrance of the LATE and GREAT GEORGE JONES JR!

Originally posted by DrewMears:

Dr. Wario, I have a fairly hot date coming up soon. What would you suggest I do to make this date go quite well?

Burn your face with scalding hot water. That way,

YOU'D HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR BEING SO UGLY! WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

Originally posted by addamup23:

Dude Dr. Wario what is the meaning of life?

Here, I got this from your dictionary:

life, noun - the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

You couldn't have looked that up yourself? Man, some people.

Dr. Wario knows all and sees all (selectively), and this is the best you guys can do!? More questions, less STUPID. NYAH-HA-HA!

Originally posted by addamup23:

dr.wario when will this thread end?

Why would you want it to?

Yeah, speaks of how AWESOME it is.

Originally posted by addamup23:

dr.wario when will this thread end?

WHENEVER YOU ASK A SMART QUESTION! WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

This is seriously the best thread ever made

my god this is too much.

ahahhaha

Originally posted by Big Dawg:

Where did those colors come from?

...What? What colors? A-are you okay?

Get some rest, man. Looks like you've had one too many 'shrooms. I just don't have it in me to pick on someone who's in an... er... ALTERED state of mind... That's worse than getting a Polio victim to try out a StairMaster... Or buying a no-legged turtle a step-ladder. Or giving a deaf guy an iPod, but purposely leave out the headphones telling him that he'd have to buy his own. Or taking a blind friend to an art museum, and then sneak away so he'll get lost. Or giving someone without thumbs an Etch-a-Sketch, and if he manages to make a picture, remind him that he has no thumbs. Or feeding a cow some beef.

On a side note, you'd think it'd be EASY to lose a blind guy. Well, it's not.

This concludes the SOFTER side of WARIO.

Now what does a HANDSOME GUY like ME have to do to get some MORE QUESTIONS to ANSWER?!

Dr. Wario, Why do you want to answer questions?

Originally posted by Khadgar:

Dr. Wario, Why do you want to answer questions?

Huh?...

. . .

. . . !

YOU DIVIDED BY ZERO

Okay no. Seriously. REREAD THE FIRST POST.

What an idiot.