MY PAGE

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Life is like a role of toilet paper; long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.

A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you."
So I didn't.

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you what to do, then you deserve it...

Ageing isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives.

Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.