Mitt syn på livet

I don't know if I know what love is. Well, romantic love anyways. I love my family and friends, but that isn't romantic.

I know I feel something for a woman I'm talking to online. She is cute, funny, attractive, supportive, listens, and unlike other people I talk to online, I never ask myself: What to say now? I have asked all the questions, I have gotten all the answers. What to say now?

I would like to meet this woman in real life, and from the sound of things, she seems to want to meet me too. So what's holding me back? Not a very big reason really, but I've never been on a date. EVER. So what is a date? I don't know. I want a date, not a friendly get-together. Some might now think that "You're a man, you want sex!", but that's not right. Would I say "NO"? Of course not, but what I really want is intimacy, feeling that this person being with me, is WITH ME.

I can be a chatter-box el grande. But I don't want to be the only one talking. I can also stay silent for long periods of time, sometimes I feel too shy to participate in the conversation, other times the conversation is about something I know NOTHING about, other times, I get shouted down.

Why is it so hard to find someone to feel intimate with? I don't want just sex, I don't want just talk. I want to be with someone that CAN talk, but isn't necessarily afraid of being silent together either.

I hope I find someone like that some time...