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"Something just ain't right about that Boy"

A Letter to Lidia

Lidia G.
Feb. 14, 1962 -- Nov. 10, 2003

I couldn't let another year go by without expressing things I hold deep inside.

It’s been five long years since you were both taken from me, and it’s been my work and loyal friendships that have gotten me to the place now that allows me to write these words without pain. So many times have I started, but decided to wait. And knowing your Loving soul, I know you would not object to me doing so publicly.

You were truly a unique woman, never afraid to set yourself aside for the greater good.
You gave Love as easily as you were to Love.

I miss you so.

You knew the world in which I chose to make my living and the lifestyle that surrounded it, yet you trusted me implicitly. You gave me courage when I felt like not going on. And even though both our careers took us far away from each other at times, often to the opposite ends of the earth, you always managed to get away when you could, there when I needed you the most.
Like your father, you were always an encourager to me. I felt his death as much as my own fathers. He raised you well.

Your late morning phone calls from some far away corner of the world, just to see how that night’s sessions went helped me to get through the rough times without you. Just hearing your voice.

And yes, I do know something of the nights you cried yourself to sleep at the thought of the human misery and depravity you sometime witnessed as you traveled in your work, the feeling of helplessness to do anything about it. I could sometime hear it in your voice as you would say “I'm OK, stay focused, I just miss you.”

And how my heart danced the times I looked up after a long and difficult night in the studio to find you that you had flown in, and see you standing behind the engineer listening to the playback and moving in your own way to the beat, wearing your grin of approval. The guys always said you seemed to know when it was right.

I can still see the look of pride on your face, the kind of pride that resides only in true Love , the night the call came of news that Wild-Eyed had broke the top 20 album chart. That look made me realize the long hours and the grueling 14 months on the road was all worth it to you. Your eyes said it all, and you never looked more beautiful to me.
It was that night that I realized I could not, nor would have been who I was at the moment if it had not been for you.

And I still remember the taste from your cheek the tears of joy the night Julia was born. How you took my hand and said you would give up everything you had worked toward to be a mother to her like your own. And you were. You taught her your gentle Loving ways, and I could see in her all that I Loved in you. She would have grown to be the woman you were.

When in Europe I still sometime go to our special meeting places, and after all the one-nighters we spent in Paris, choosing to wait till we could enjoy it, I finally did see the city by day. I wish now we had not waited. I made a special trip to Chartres alone, because I knew I’d feel close to you there.

And I finally finished the house last year, just as you laid it out with only the necessary changes, and now regularly filled with our friends. The walls are lined with your best work, loving framed by Dee Dee. Your Geographic Covers hang proudly on each side of the fireplace. She cried the entire day she worked to hang them for me.
A Sister's Love is very deep.
And I plan to duplicate the garden from the old house best I can, where Julia played and you loved to spent summer afternoons .

Some people go through life accepting love as it comes, never knowing what it really is.
You taught me what love is by your words and actions. It’s not to be learn from a book.
You taught me to treasure the people and things that come to me, for they may be gone tomorrow.

I cannot put into words the joy and happiness you brought to my life.
With your Love, admiration and encouragement you helped make me the man I am now;I only hope you would still be proud.

Your strength, your courage to do the right thing, your patients and understanding allowed no doubt in me of your Love.

I adored you for all you gave me and admire you for being the woman you grew to be.

The days are now much longer without you both.
And there are no words to describe how much my heart misses you now.

:heart:
G.


Hitslink Crazyness....I've Been Adopted.........By Two Ladies.

Comments

Kitty 13. February 2009, 07:43

This is probably the most beautiful declaration of love I've ever read.

I understand it must be terrible to have lost such a fantastic woman. I am sorry for your loss, so very sorry, but I am glad you shared this with us all. To me it proves that true love does exist. It's not just in the books.

I am certain that she rests in peace, and that she is very proud of you.

*hugs* :heart:

r♡se 13. February 2009, 10:11

I'm sitting here at work with tears in my eyes, and a big lump in my throat.
It is indeed beautiful, and I too am sorry for your loss, but also happy for all the things you experienced together.

Dennis 13. February 2009, 14:07

P2, I am so very, very sorry for your loss... *hug* (I don't do that often, with guys, ya know?)

flamingo-rinse 14. February 2009, 02:24

Dunno what to say, Boss - well said, proud words, man <feels a love for P2 like a brother might>...

flamingo-rinse 14. February 2009, 02:34

Actually, I do know what to say. My belief is that the cosmos is such that
your (well,our) loved ones (all of them, down the line) are still 'here' in a sense and never actually leave except physically. Lidia I'm sure is around you somewhere and saying..."I'm OK, stay focussed......."

theoddbod 14. February 2009, 16:46

*sniffs and blinks back a tear* That's beautful.

Phantom2 16. February 2009, 21:16

Thank You all for your words. :heart:

I never really expected any comments, it was something I just felt had to do.

Phantom2 16. February 2009, 22:57

@*****...that was ugly and not necessary!!!
It was deleted for obvious reasons. F.U.

Dennis 17. February 2009, 01:42

:eyes: :knight: Off with his head!

Phantom2 17. February 2009, 04:33

Put the sword away Dennis :wink: ....it was just a stupid death gamer kid.
I PM'd him and give them a verbal spanking!

To bad we don't have an age requirement for the community.

Dennis 17. February 2009, 06:24

Then how will they learn how to interface with real... umm... people. :left:

Marike 18. February 2009, 18:46

*big hugs* that was really beautiful... :heart:

Phantom2 18. February 2009, 20:25

Thank You Markie :heart:

dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsı 19. February 2009, 11:41

That was a beautiful declaration! I'm sorry for your loss. awww So young. I understand the sort of person she was. :happy: Treasure the memory.

Jenn 19. February 2009, 18:29

With all words that everyone has spoke for above, I can not express as well. And personally am at a loss for words.
I have talked to you in the past about Lidia, way long ago. Love and Prayers..:cry: A true angel she is!

Phantom2 19. February 2009, 20:13

Thank You Isabel. :heart:

And Thank You too Jenn. :heart: I think you understand more of where I've been coming from now?

Yulia 26. February 2009, 20:43

Have no words,dear.It is so unfairly!!!!!
And you words are fantastic...every woman would be proud of such love!

Phantom2 27. February 2009, 00:05

Thank You Yulia :heart: ....cherish the time you have with Love Ones.

Yulia 27. February 2009, 05:32

My deep bow to this love........

Phantom2 27. February 2009, 05:35

That's sweet. Thank You my Dear Friend. :happy:

Yulia 27. February 2009, 05:36

Good night :smile: P2

Naomi 2. March 2009, 13:09

P2
So sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this. I wanted to take the time to read this carefully since I know how difficult yet healing it must have been for you to write this.

Your writing is beautiful and completely transparent and heart-felt.

There are times when I get wrapped up in work, but then I step back & take a deep breath and look around myself and am grateful for shelter, food, friends, and most of all, my husband.



Phantom2 2. March 2009, 17:35

Thank You Naomi, it was very healing to finally be able to put it all into words. Looseing two people at once that you love is not an easy thing to deal with.

I'd like to write more about her someday. She touched a lot of people lives.

And yes, I know your a very busy Lady, it shows in your work! :up:

Naomi 3. March 2009, 14:28

Thanks, P2. You are sweet.

I'm looking at moving some of my videos to local tv, which could seriously jump start the site. There's a lot to figure out, so I am trying to really think it through carefully & get it right.

I try not to imagine my life without Jeff. I don't know how you're survived a loss like that.

Phantom2 3. March 2009, 19:51

That's great news! Good exposer for you.....and you never know who will be watching!:up:

virmarytorres2 4. March 2009, 07:39

Thanks 4 allowing me 2 read this beautiful letter. Just 2 show that it was meant for you 2 to be together, even if for a short time. I had my share of loses as of lately and people say "It will B OK" What they do not realized is the fact that when a loved one leave us a piece of our heart leave with them as well. One of my friend once told me that she did not know how I was able to handle the death of both of my parents. She proceeded to tell me that she had never lost any immediate family N did not know how she would do if that event will happen. She wanted 2 know what kind of pain it was. I told her that the pain you feel it can never be explain, and that only those who had gone thru only know the intensity of such a pain, and it does not go away, it is a reminder for the Holidays, birthdays,N other special days,your heart is broken and the healing process is a very long one. A couple of months later she lost her only brother in a snow mobile accident, n when I when to the Visitation, she broke down N told me "Now I understand the kind of pain that you were talking about". I'm so sorry 4 your lost,N I pray that your Heart and the Heart of all your family members remain strong, becuase love never dies, I trully believe in that, N I'm sure U have someone watching over U,thanks for sharing, if anyone wants 2 know what true love is they just need 2 read this letter

Phantom2 4. March 2009, 07:49

Thank you Lourdes.

Yes, it's hard to explain a loss to someone who has never experience it at close range.
It's one of those things we all feel in our life time, sadly to many times and sometimes to early.

baby_2u 6. March 2009, 05:55

You had told me along time ago about your wife and daughter but to read of the love you shared with them has showed me what love can and should be. To have that kind of true love in ones life is a gift from God. Treasure it always P2. And know that those of us who are your friends love and care about you very much. :heart:

Phantom2 6. March 2009, 06:51

Thank You Linda, I was a little hesitant to post such private feels. I really didn't expect any comments, and certainly not of the kind that have been posted here.

I once again I Thank you all your beautiful words. :heart:

I did it as a release, like standing in a closet and shouting to the top of your lungs.




Yulia 6. March 2009, 18:29

All we need one day to write our feelings as we cannot keep them inside any more.....and it is nice that these feeling reflect in other souls!
I wish you all the best,dear!

Karen 26. March 2009, 05:03

I can't express how sorry I am for your loss. Losing one person is hard enough...losing two? I cannot even fathom how difficult it'd be. The fact that you're doing as well as you are today is a true testament of your strength...and it's also what they'd both want.

I have zero doubts that she would be and is proud of you.

Your words were truly touching...I feel lucky to have been able to read them. Thank you for having the strength to post this. It's helped many people stop and take a look at their own lives and be appreciative for what they've got - and I'm certainly one of those people.

Take care, P2. :smile:

Phantom2 26. March 2009, 05:29

Thank You Karen, very much. I do appreciate your words.

We all suffer tragedy in life, and sometime hold it in to long or never let it out. I was very hesitant to post this but it seems to have shaken some into to taking stock. So I feel it was indeed a good thing to do so publicly now that people know me a little better.

And it's good to hear from you again. :smile:

Karen 26. March 2009, 05:32

You're very welcome. :smile:

I know exactly what you mean as I did the same thing not so long ago. I lost my ex to suicide a few years ago, and when I finally posted my story on my site, it helped me feel so much better. Not only was the actual writing of it therapeutic, but the outpouring of support from other people was amazing. I'm happy that you've had the same positive experience in posting your own story.

:happy:

Marina 31. March 2009, 10:08

sorry, my english no good but when i read this story, i want say Thank you ... it's sooo beautiful ...

Yulia 2. April 2009, 04:48

P2, you are a very special friend for me.I wish you to be happy!

Phantom2 2. April 2009, 05:26

Thank You Yulia, very much! The feelings are mutual My Dear! :heart:

You are one of my very best friends here. I'm sorry I don't visit you more often.

And Thank You again for your kind words on this post. :smile:

Yulia 2. April 2009, 05:28

No problem! You know that you are welcome there,but I am not waiting for you to come every day :smile:
We all have our own life :smile:

Martin K 28. April 2009, 20:51

Powerful stuff, man!

It takes guts to express the deepest of all feelings like that. I feel honoured to be in the company of a man who knows that you don't become a lesser man because you express feelings. Most of us (men) choose not to do it, and it is not always because it is too hard - most of us know that it is in fact a lot harder to keep the feelings inside - but because we are afraid that someone might catch us crying...

I feel for you, brother. I really do.

:up:

Phantom2 28. April 2009, 22:15

Thank You for those words, Martin. Thank You very much. :smile:

It was such a release to put these feelings into words, although after so much time, and grateful for the responses that they have brought from all my friends.

I'm surrounded by her Life and Friends, which makes my life much easier than it could be.

Kitty 29. April 2009, 04:25

a man who knows that you don't become a lesser man because you express feelings.


In my eyes a man becomes much more of a man if he is able to express feelings. We're all whole human beings, no one goes through life without feeling a thing.

marjan 1. May 2009, 18:54

awww huuuum!
i agree with u Zaphira

PainterWoman 15. May 2009, 03:32

This brought tears to my eyes for so many reasons. Too many to say but I felt it deeply in my heart. Thank you for sharing it.

I am hesitant too about posting such personal stuff but my blog is filled with it and after a year, I probably won't stop.

Phantom2 15. May 2009, 04:21

Thank You PainterWoman. :smile:
I have gone over and peeked at you blog before and I understand what exactly what you say. For me, it was a long time coming to post this, but after the fact, I feel better about the whole thing after I did. As someone said above, it not good to hold things in....release it, it's good for the soul.

Choosing to do it here was not easy. But I know she wouldn't have minded.

Mina 31. August 2009, 20:11

Reading this, I could hear your voice in some way.... I cannot explain it.

Sometimes, there doesn't come to mind the right thing to say... There are no words you need. You have a quiet strength and sweetness in these words and I see how you can continue to feel strength from someone, and learn and grow even after they have gone....

So as I swallow again around the lump in my throat, I will say I feel most honored you directed me here today...

:o:

Phantom2 31. August 2009, 21:26


Thank You, Mina. Very much. :o:

It was easier to point you here than try to explain it myself and confuse other people who might see my comment.

Mina 1. September 2009, 12:29

You're most welcome, and I do agree. :smile:

BulletProofMonk 20. November 2009, 15:13

Tears swell with in my eyes i too have had pain ,trying to come to terms in my own way and the thinking was too much ,i know can smile now ,but reading your words of such a beautiful relationship you 2 had made, made me realise more what is still close to me ,thankyou .
Godbless you .xxxxx :heart:

Phantom2 20. November 2009, 16:50

Thank You Very Much.
We deal with life's curves in our own way. Sometimes, as with me, it was words from others that meant so much in healing.

...and thank you for your comments. :heart:

BulletProofMonk 20. November 2009, 19:41

Shukran your very welcome ,have a lovely weekend xxxx

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