Ask Merle.........
Wednesday, 12. November 2008, 00:33:25
The Expert's Expert!
Dear Merle,
I have a problem with The Laydeeez....
I try to wear the right 'happening' clothes - for example, very tight jeans held up usually with large Harley Davidson belt buckle, polished cowboy boots, bowling shirt and generally I have my moustache waxed at the tips - I avoid places with UV lights so that the dandruff doesn't glow...and yet, girls tend to look the other way when I sidle up to them at singles bars and offer them a suck of my beer. What am I doing wrong??yours hopefully,
worried blue eyes
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Dear worried blue eyes,
As far as your club wardrobe, one word, IMPRESSIVE!
I can tell by your picture that you are a very striking young man. The problem with the Ladies may very well stem from the way you wear you facile hair.
These days a very attractive and handsome man with a well groomed, trimmed and waxed moustache usually means one thing. He’s Gay! Your club target obvious thinks to herself “Nice, but a waste of time”!
But, perhaps I can help.
My suggestion would be to grow a full chest length beard and wear a Hawaiian shirt that glows under the club lights to draw the glances of said targets. The ladies love to stroke a nicely tended beard while they look into your eyes as they listen to your advances, combined with the pulsing beat of the music as it wets their lustful desires. Before you know it your in!
Don’t scoff, this is a proven technique!
And a beard of this type can be fun to have also! You could buy an expensive pair of cheap sunglasses, hang out at the local music store and autograph CD’s as a member of ZZ top!
Good luck!
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Merle is Senior Manure Manager at Hardman's Hardware and Feed Co. and an Expert on just about everything.
P.M. your questions to Merle and get his Expert advice on all and anything important. http://my.opera.com/Merle5/about/
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WIDGETIZE
flamingo-rinse # 19. October 2008, 03:48
It was a June wedding (yeah...I know) and we plan to have some littl'uns as soon as my face heals and I can start my job again. We've decided to name the firstborn after you (girl or boy).
Merle # 19. October 2008, 04:03
And I'm honored to be a name sake for your future ...offspring!...just in case there's more than one to come along at the same time, my middle name is Wanda Jean ...yes I was an orphan, raised by two blind seamstresses that didn't hear very well. Your welcome to use that name also if you like.
Just one piece of unsolicited advice...get a little dental plan for your new bride. Things will be much safer in the bedroom. Emergency rooms are crowded these days you know.
Mabel T. # 19. October 2008, 04:05
flamingo-rinse # 19. October 2008, 08:51
Mabel T. # 19. October 2008, 10:59
I think Cover Girl has a new multi-cultural line that has a Jasmine & Whale Blubber flavored lipgloss. Not sure how you feel about fish though!
Hugs Hun
flamingo-rinse # 20. October 2008, 01:19
Taking your lead - I used my new computer and went to covergirl.com - now I see all the beauties of the world laid out before me - I never knew that 'make-up' meant more than gettin' friendly again - I'll let you know how I get on, Mabel. Thank you from the bottom of my ole dumbass shitkickin' country boy heart.
flamingo-rinse # 20. October 2008, 01:23
Merle # 20. October 2008, 01:51
O'l Merle is gettin a little choked up....scuse me....I never had the honor of a namesake before. Thank you and Amy-Sue for that little piece of honoree.
He looks like he will definitely be the outdoors type, you know the hunting and fishin kinda guy, self sufficient and all that. If he's like my young-in, he'll eat his way through a catfish farm in no time!
As for the education, Yale is a very good choice. Lots of good Pols come out of Yale, unlike those Harvard weenies. It's got to be something in that Boston water. And those Yale ladies, Grade A Prime!
If I might suggest, have you thought of steering him toward pro ball first. Looks like he's going to be a big boy, stout and strong, and he'd be a shoe in as a defensive lineman. And a long career in the National Football League (2 maybe 3 years if he doesn't get hurt) and 40/45 million would allow him to buy just about any Political office anywhere in the world. Hell for that kinda cash he could even be a U. S. Senator! Just make sure he keeps his helmet on. Some of our pols act like they played without um!
And Thank You and Amy-Sue for not givin him my middle name.
Mabel T. # 20. October 2008, 03:00
I see you may have you popped the extra bread for the aphrodisiac lip-gloss.
It works real good on Booger and Leroy too, except when booger is drunk, then the only thing that gets him aroused is hollering "Budweiser"
Kimberly # 20. November 2008, 00:34
and hello to u all too