"Something just ain't right about that Boy"

By Rebus X32

Most Excellent Star Gazer.




And I'm glad I'm not you!!

Aquarius - (January 20- February 18)...You will briefly be the centerpiece of all creation next year when the guiding force of the universe remembers that it hasn't hit anyone with a lightning bolt lately.

Pisces - (February 19-March 20)...You should move confidently in whatever direction your dreams take you, even if their about being chased down a dark hallway by a bloody fanged eggplant.

Aries - (March 21-April 19)...Your on going efforts to equip your computer with ever-improved access to information will result in bandwidth high enough for you to become the first person to get hit by a bus over the Internet.

Taurus - (April 20-May 20)...You will find yourself trapped inside a personal lubricant factory, an event made more embarrassing when it's revealed that the place wasn't locked....you were just unable to get a descent grip on the doorknob.

Gemini - (May 21-June 21)...The stars do not usually warn mortals of specific outcomes or specify futures, but if you throw away a pair of face cards to try and fill a straight one more time, they are going to come down and kill you!

Cancer - (June 22-July 22)...Death by firing squad has a certain desolate nobel quality to it , but it will be ruined when the inept and drunken Central American rebels fail to hit you above the waist with their first nine volleys.

Leo - (July 23-August 22)...There are many possible fates in store for you next year, but they all seem to involve you standing rain-drenched and shoe-less at the side of a major interstate highway, cursing all single men.

Virgo - (August 23-September 22)...According to the stars, nothing will be able to stop you next year, which sounds great until at some point you find yourself behind the wheel of a runaway gasoline truck.

Libra - (September 23- October 23)......You will develop quite a serious reputation this year as a " party pooper " mainly because your friends are too polite to call you " that chick who shits in the punch bowl ".

Scorpio - October 24- November 21)...Your stance on the health care crisis tends to be rather conservative, but for a few months next year it will be heavily influenced by the steel bar protruding from your rib cage.

Sagittarius - ( November 22 - December 21)...You will soon play a large part in the history of the vast interstellar navy of Quondrax, a planet where they can only christen a new star ship by smashing an asshole like you across the bow!

Capricorn - (December 22- January 19)...People will only pay attention to you this year because of your enormous breast, but cut them some slack.
Most people only have two and theirs are on their chest!