General bloggery

Ah ... religion, the one thing in life that I have yet to get a firm grip on. I have a sneaking suspicion that I might struggle with the concept, or at least parts of it, for the rest of my natural life. It's not a question of which god, without offending anyone, but in my humble opinion (if there is one) it would be the Christian God. And I don't have a problem (mostly) with the teachings. I maight differ to some degree with interpretations of it by others, but the general idea I agree with.

Then what is my problem? Doubt. I am struggling to believe... Faith. Another five-letter word which puts my problem in a different light. Yes, I struggle with the concept of 'is there a God?' Again this is not new, I've been on this tipping point for close to a decade now. I've gone from born-again Christian to confused to atheist to agnostic to confused again. The key point is that I still cannot find in myself the belief.

I've tried to trace the origins of my doubt but it only led to disappointments with people and communities, not with God. I have no argument with Him, no anger. Maybe it's because in a scientific world, there is no place for God ... yet the quantity of renowned scientists that saw God's work is immense. Amongst them are some of my heroes like Albert Einstein.

Maybe my fault lay in trying to reason for or against the existence of God. It took me longer than I care to admit that this was an exercise in futility. If the greatest thinkers through all the ages could not prove it either way, what chance did I have. So no, my love of logic would do me no good here.

The short of it all is that I want to believe, yet always stop short of the little leap of faith required. And more so, there must be a way of reconciling my religion with my science. Many before me have succeeded, it's now up to me to find my own truth. It's a path no one can show me but I'm still looking for. Maybe that's the most important thing ... to not stop looking, for that is giving up.

I leave you with some great quotes regarding God:

God exists since mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists since we cannot prove the consistency. – Morris Kline

Black holes are where God divided by zero. – Steven Wright

If there is a God, he’s a great mathematician. - Paul Dirac

Mathematics is the language in which God has written the universe. - Galileo Galilei

The laws of nature are but the mathematical thoughts of God. - Euclid

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. - Sir William Bragg

The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not. - Eric Hoffer

Call on God, but row away from the rocks. Indian Proverb

Well it's probably an undisputed fact that I'm not a regular blogger, but then again I like to mull things over for a while before committing it to the blogosphere. In fact most of my musings don;t even make it this far.

I have recently been encountering some connection problems which left me feeling almost disembodied and it got me thinking... (Run while you can!) How dependant have we grown on our connectivity? Let's consider this: Most of us have easy access to the internet, so we are starting to take it for granted. Even in a horrible communications environment like South Africa. (We are seriously getting shafted by the teleco's! Some of the highest prices in the world!) At most times I have at least two broadband connectivity options available and if I'm on the road I can always rely on my trusty mobile (more often than not with 3G signal).

Yet what happened last week? Was at home, no broadband wifi installed yet and my cellphone fails to connect! Aaaaargh! There I was, no twitter (starting to become seriously addicted), no messenger, no google, nothing! I was seriously tempted to go find some way of connecting to the internet! Luckily I caught myself and the sight was almost sickening. I am a web addict.

But it's worse than that and the problem is not just restricted to yours truly. I still had access to DSTV and its supposed multitude of channels which should at least have offered me some decent entertainment. But how often have we all said "There's nothing to watch"? Sound familiar? Even with so much choice we don't consider it valid entertainment!

The problem is deep and has been slowly growing and getting worse over a period of decades. It's called specific content. 30 years ago you had 3 channels and that was considered great choice in entertainment. Now with 30 times as many channels, how can we feel so 'unentertained?'

We've slowly grown accustomed to more and more choice, and as our choices increase so our specific requirements grew. It's become so bad that we're able to at will retrieve from the web whatever tickles our fancy. Let your imagination go wild and still google will return some hits for you! What does that say of us and is it a good thing? I'm not sure but I'll admit to being perturbed by this realisation that I've become too picky with the content I choose to entertain me. With the fact that I depend so much on the instant gratification factor of it! And probably the worst of it all, that I felt lost without my connection and the useless feeling that I might be missing out.

Probably a bit late, but I thought I should just put this down somewhere to remind me:

• Stop smoking... Way overdue!
  
• Get in shape... My goal is to try at least a half-marathon and some sort of triathlon somewhere this year.
  
• Buy a new car...
  
• Study something, anything...
  
• Do my Christmas shopping in November... that'll be a first!
  
• Get a new job... Doesn't quite matter what, but 2x my current salary will make me happy!
  
• Try writing again... and not be so critical about everything I write.
  
• Listen more to the people around me...
  

Not much of a list and I'll probably leave my Christmas shopping to the last minute, again! But at least I can say I thought about doing these things!

It seems that today is the day for lyrics to express our thoughts so here's one that's been on playlist a lot:

Dashboard Confessional: Screaming Infidelities

I'm missing your bed,
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots
where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of
beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close
to blankets and sheets
You're not alone
and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know,
who's taking you home.
I'm reading your
note over again.
There is not a word
that I comprehend,
except when you signed it
"I will love you always
and forever"

As for now I'm gonna
hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder
how you're making out
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere
With anyone
making out

I'm missing your laugh,
how did it break?
And when did your eyes
begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy
as your pretending.
I'm missing your bed,
I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots
where we'd have to sleep.
And this bottle of
Beast is taking me home.

Your hair
It's everywhere
Screaming infidelities
Taking it's wear