Pre10da's Parlour

the bell doth toll
but i didn't hear it
death would come take me
but i didn't believe it
aimless, without purpose
my life, just like a circus

the bell doth toll
everyone could hear it
they warned me about death
but i chose not to heed it
lost, without goals
they came for our souls

the bell doth toll
he heard it before me
death came for him
i stayed to watch and see
tainted, without purity
they had taken my sanity

the bell doth toll
i heard it loud and clear
death came seeking
but i shalt not die with fear
gathered, those in attendance
they prayed for my own penance


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Until next time, peace out
be good & if you can't then at least be good at it
Pre10da

I had this strangest dream,
This dream was me and you...
Strolling hand in hand,
Towards the ocean blue...
The gulls were singing loud and clear,
You whispered softly in my ear...
I felt you tremble right beside me,
There could be no other place i longed to be...
The wind it whispered through my hair,
Magic was made as i met your stare...
But then your face began to blur,
As my waking body began to stir...
It was then that i awoke,
Missing the words that you just spoke...

There are days life gets me down so badly, i feel like all i want to do is curl up and cry....but seriously that never got anyone anywhere did it? Lately i've been splurging alot of my money on books.....i realised something about myself. and that is, no matter how shit my life is at any given time, no matter how alone i feel, if i just pick up a good book and read, ...at the moment i'm reading Minette Walter's "The Dark Room" - its a great read, and i spend the bulk of my time reading on the train to and from work....thats roughly 2hrs of reading a day. I find that there's someting very very comforting about the fact that when times get tough for me, i can just pick up a good book, and immerse myself into it, become one of the characters, forget all my worries and get lost in a completely different world. I love fiction so much, it helps me to forget......and boy do i have alot of things in my life building up that i just want to forget....

To me books have always been a life saver....when i was in high school, and all my friends had a BF except me, during school holidays when i knew they were all going out together but not inviting me coz i'd not have a guy to be with and feel left out,....it was the "Tomorrow when the War Began" series by John Marsden that saved me, provided an escape for me, and got me through those times when i thought it just really sucked to be me. Growing up and starting to mature out, being a full time student, coping with the stresses of the study load, once again it was books that kept me sane. When i broke up with my boyfriend, Richard who i was with for two years and 9months....it was the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings books that had saved me.....somehow being able to use my imagination to immerse myself into a world of magic and witchcraft and good and evil had helped me mend my broken heart, had made me see that there was more to life than being in a relationship to help pass some of the more boring days. And then when my most recent ex, Andrew, broke up with me via email just one day before our 12month anniversary...i was so close to breaking down. I had gotten drunk over two bottles of wine and decided bunching the brick walls and hurting my fists would somehow nullify the pain in my heart. Ofcourse it dind't. I just ended up with busted up hands for a couple of weeks. And again it was books that saved me. Ironically the book i had just started to read was "The Best Revenge" - A New Alan Gregory Psycological Thriller - by Stephen White. Whenm i finished that i started straight onto Graham Hurley's - "The Take" and then i was onto The Dark Room as previously mentioned. today is exactly one month since the day he left me, how do i feel? Kinda OK. But i would be worse if not for my myriad collection of books. Which you can check out here:

Book List

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with the crap in their lives,,,,for me its escaping into what ever relm is depicted in the current book im reading, so far, its worked for me. So all you people out there who enjoy a good book from time to time, when you are hurting and simply have no answers and just feel so numb, to the point where you feel like its not worth letting anyone so close again....just pick up a book...and read...you never know, most of my dramas i've ended up finding a solution or a better way to tackle the issue from reading a book. The Tomorrow series for example helped ALOT. But if reading doens't work for you....then try something that does.


Until Next Time, Peace Out....
Be Good & if you can't then at least be good at it....
Pre10da

I am a survivor and this is my aftermath.

My name is Hurrem, in irc people know me as Pre, or tenda ...short for Pretenda or Pre10da depending on which server i'm chatting on.

I've been through alot, as i'm sure so many people have. Some people struggle when they shit an uphill battle. Some people let it consume them and others just break down.

...I broke down...

I'm not proud of it but it happened.

Now i'm surving in the aftermath. I keep to myself, i moved back home. That felt like a BIG step backwards for me. But i did it, because the alternative was going insane. There is nothing like family who loves you to get you through during a bad time.

Here's a little something i have put together expressing how i feel about a bad situation i have had to go through just a month ago and am still going through until i am officially over it:

Wanted it to be over;
But it didn't work sober
Gave it a go drunk;
But the results never stuck

How will my heart heal?
Without changing how i feel?
He said that he would stay
He ended up walking away...

There's nothing i can do
I no longer live for two
Surviving is not easy
but the alternative made me queasy

Now i face the aftermath
Its not a pretty place to be
But until i find a better path
I hope my survival sets me free

Hope my readers enjoy this. And perhaps even learn something from it?
Take Care, until next time
Be Good, and if you can't then just be good at it
Peace,
Pre10da xox