红鸾

To be free, to be accepted.. ~secret of all secrets~

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I do not exist

It is impossible to see me.
Why show up in front of me..at the time?
Every time I turn around..
Why are you here?
Could you see the shock in my eyes?

I wanted to cry, again and again.
Cries in a distance.
Look at me; forget me...
Is there any way to make this impossibility to possible?

This is truly "cries in a distance", my tears start to bleed.
Make it stop... stop fantasying about you.
Your face keeps showing up..

Forever forget me..
I know you will..
Your words were all lies..?


*Written hoi nao do do.. ^^

Believe in your hopes

Mind




"Every thought of yours is a real thing - a force."
Prentice Mulford

Against All Odds - Mariah Carey ft. Westlife

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking
Every breath with you
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face [/I]
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
But to wait for you is
All I can do
And that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now
'Cause I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take

Take a look at me now

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There is a way I can choose to live on: hope; believe

Life is meant to be... so-called "unfair". But do u really think that life is unfair? If u just accept it, it wud no longer be unfair, wudn't it? Isn't it just destiny that you're being raped?.. But still, we always complaining about life. So it means that we're weak then? We can't handle more than just positive things? Why must it be so hard for humans to handle negative situations? Why must we whine? We can't just say "that's how humans are".. we can actually overcome everything by thinking positive..

A close friend of mine reminded me, almost like yelling, several times to think positive.. my mind were swimming into the negatives all the time, but my friend still supported me, in some how. Yeah, she's a good friend, and I'm thankful to have her in my life. When she stands up in front of me, she gives me the feeling of spreading my wings. 01 Breakaway.mp3

Even though I was pretty stubborn, I still did sometimes listen to her. I don't know if I've changed from who I was, but I'm pretty sure that I'm able to develop myself from being such a noob.

Even though I've made my decision, and I will stick to it. I will create, choose my own future. I will overcome everything, absolutely everything, because I believe I can.

Yes, we all can.

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shoot..

"Even though you don't have a >heart<, doesn't mean that you're not allowed to cry. It doesn't help, at all, to keep the tears away from appearing."

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Nursing school

It was delightful.. precious times.. and whatsoever..
Nah...it was pretty boring working on a nursing school. I guess I don't really fit in there.. Or that I can't handle seeing children.. on their way into the painful world :S There're many cute children, running around, asking me to help them, and stuff. But, when I look at them.. I don't know why, but I fear for them.. seeing how they will be in their future, how they will look like. Kinda creepy, but my visions seemed so real.. let's not drag in my own future..

My first day of work, was pretty boring. I can't really remember that day though, but I still remember how it felt. It started with that two of the children, from the department where I worked, we scared of me.
Yup, I do look pretty scary.. ^^ As you might notice, my skin is pale, my eyes have thin black lines surrounded, my lips are red-blue, and loads of spots on my face. Yup yup, but somehow I don't care, at all, about my look. Well, yeh, I usually look that way. Bones are sticking out, and so on.
It was funny, one of the two wouldn't eat because of me. He embraced on one of my co-workers. I noticed that the lady tried to distract him by telling him lies about my look;
"Why are you afraid of her? She's such a adorable girl, cute and nice. Don't you want to get to know her?"
He could see, with his normal-sized-blue eyes, that I didn't look like she described, and kept holding on to her.

Anyway.. afterwards, when everybody finally showed up, we all. including 3 and 4 years old children, went on a mini-trip. It wasn't much, all we did was went to a playground and let the children run around and do whatever they wanted. There were a few arguements between two groups of kids. Some wanted to play with me, while they could see that I was pushing the othes' swing, and some wanted to swing to, while they could see that both of the swings are busy. Troublesome kids, troublesome already when they're at this age.
Oh well, on our way back to the nursing school, 3 girls were fighting over holding my hands... perfect.
While we were walking I had to listen to the little girl's, on my right side, complaining about her stomach hurts. I felt sorry for her, in the end I carried her, by having her on my back, back to the nursing school. Actually, I wasn't supposed to do that, she had to learn to do things by her own, not spoiling her.
We had some sausages and milk.. =P And so on. That day I had to go to the psychologist, so I had to leave right after having my lunch meal, which was sausages.

Day 2, we went on another trip. This time we went on a long one. From 10am to 2.30 pm. We watched horses, and ate some buns with vanille, of course I couldn't eat it because of my allergic to eggs, and some breads. I noticed that the children loved to pick up pretty stones, it's like a hobby to them. Funny, because it's kind of annoying hearing them asking me to hold their stones for them or putting the stones in their bag, all the time. Still, there were kids who argued with each other about holding my hands, and of course, I have to the be one who accept two of them. I had to disappoint Phung's little sister by showing my dislikeness of holding her hand to make her stop wanting me. She was the one who got to hold one of my hands the most of the time. But, in the end, no one got to hold my hands, because the co-workers stepped in and made the kids, who surrounded me, to stay away from me, and made a sign that I had to let them be on their own.
We got ourself into a mini forest, and ate again xD We didn't do much, than letting the children running around.
While tripping back to the nursing school, we stopped by my school, and played a bit there. On of the two co-workers, who I went with, read a story, about Pippi Longstocking, to the kids. It was cosy, but Phung's little sister kept clinging on me, it was kinda hard to ignore it.
*Notice: They always have fruit-time, which means that the kids always eat fruit in a certain time, at 2pm.

Day 3, this is kinda tiring to write down some kind of diary about my days on nursing school, we were at the nursing school the whole day. We played some kind of blocks, and and and...I can't really remember what we did that day. Hmm..

*Anyone? I need some

*flashbacks* here*


Day 4, again we went on a trip. This time we went with my leader of the department I'm on. And so here we go again, fighting for my hands. But it's kind of nice, because there were truly someone who wants me ^^, well, at least for a while. We went to the same forest, again, and ate loads of pinnebrød.
Children's task is to find something that makes noises, that we could use as music intrument, when we finally sat down on a circle and sang a few songs. It might seemes cosy, but hell! MY BUTT WAS ICE-COLD! xD
Actually, we didn't do anything particular, than just hanging around like monkeys. Eventually, we went home, and ate some fruits =D My leader decided that I could join her watches..and and..MAN..I click on refresh this site, now...everything I just wrote, disappeared.

Day 5.

Day 6.

Day 7.

Why even bother yourself, when I don't even care?

- I need no excuses, and I need no concerns.
- Enough with excuses, why are/were you lying to yourself, and to me?
- The one who should wake up; is you.
- As above, so below. As within, so without.
- For me, the only thing I need, is to know that you're happy.. and you are..therefore.. I'm not a pity person.
- And don't worry..I'm not waiting for you. If I do, it wud be like im waiting for the road, to Neverland, to appear...like it wud ever appear -__-
- Haha! i laugh at it.
- Have fun.
- It's pity that my life ended like this.
- It's time to create a new life.
- I'm so ready..

My library-week

Yah! What is happening to me? I've skipped school and work 3 times this week. Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Perfect, I'm becoming a badgirl??? Woooh! Do not even think about asking yourself; "Hasn't Kewie always been a badgirl?" p
Well, I've spent my free time in a library. I've forgotten how quiet and peacefully it was to be in a library. I could feel the warmth by the surounded-books. Right now, I'm sitting outside the library. This place is for people who wants to study and to see the view of light. This place is kind of awesome =D

Finally I have the book I've been waiting for; New Moon by Stephanie Meyer. I have to say she's pretty awesome, the lady who wrote the Twilight-serie. I was so inloved with the first book of this serie, Twilight. It was crazy, it was like I was living in the book, that I was Bella, that I was the one who got kissed my Edward. But it was kind of odd, because sometimes I felt like I was Edward, the ice-cold creature. HAHA!

Why I skipped school this Monday? Nah, I didn't feel quite good.. So I decided to take a break from the world, and went to the library. Well, first I went to buy the new sleeping medicine my "thingy" gave me. Actually, I can't remember what I did that day, I only remember that I went to the library and reserved a book with the name "The Secret". I guess I did go to the library and worked on my hwk. Goosh..
Well.. I might also worked on Chinese.. I can't really remember :S xD

Anywayzzz...I skipped work on Wednesday because I was so disappointed in my mother and sister. They really made me so... Can't find the right word to describe this feeling. But I've promised myself, I won't fall into this trap again. I won't open up myself to my family again, I won't try anymore, I won't fulfill their wishes to open up myself to them again. If some day they'll finally understand me?... Nah nah, sometimes I just want to run away from my so-called home. I can't even feel safe there, how can I ever call that house, this family, my home? They've taught me how to love my family, and I'll not stop loving them no matter what, but I'll let them think whoever I am.. I don't care anymore.
Almost forgot, K to the P came and acompany me =D It was very nice..Thank you Xiu'r<3 my littl WereWolf twin.











And then..today. Why did I skip work, the last day of work, today? I still felt annoyed, and I woke up too late for work. bigsmile Therefore, here we go again. Sitting here right outside the library. It's kind of chilly her.. a bit cold. My hands were turning blue for a while ago. Worked on my presentation, which is for tomorrow, and Chinese, and I've found out how to edit songs on Mac. XD Yeh, I was too lazy to find out how the GarageBand works until now. =D
And you know what..IT SNOWED =D Happy birthday Yu-Rin ^^
Time to fly back to the destroyed world =D

Anson Hu - 和尚 (edited).mp3

Totally random =P

http://style.no.msn.com/article/29375?

TEST: Er du en badgirl?
Er du rampete, frekk, uskyldig eller slu? Alle har godt av å gi litt faen av og til, bare det ikke går for langt. Ta testen og finn ut hvor mye badgirl du er!

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