The Desultory Defecation

The Desultory Defecation will be relocating to a new location. We had a good run here but this just isn't cutting it anymore. Mainly because opera blogs fail to allow non-members (aka basically everyone that reads this blog) to comment. Not that much commenting would take place anyway but hey...you gotta give people the option (besides i don't like monologues too much anyway). Hope to see you on the other side.

So North American society is going traffic light happy as if that will improve traffic and congestion. It is even more evident when it hits close to home, specifically two 'T' intersections in my neighbourhood, both of which do not have nearly enough traffic to warrant a street light to regulate traffic. In fact in my over half a decade of driving I have never had to wait longer than the equivalent of waiting for a red light turning green to merge with the traffic.

Now with that said, I will concede that traffic lights do have their uses at certain intersections and mall/plaza entrances and exits during the day especially the busy rush hour times. However, during what I will now dub the "off-peak" hours on the road, these traffic lights are completely and utterly pointless. They cause cars to stop for no reason, idle for a couple minutes at a time, and slowing down the flow of traffic for absolutely no reason at all.

The solution? Why not have traffic lights on timers that work as regular traffic lights during the day and at night when the traffic thins out until the slow trickle that becomes morning rush hour, we can turn off these traffic lights, the major road gets the right of way and the tributary roads and driveways will yield and merge with traffic when safe to do so. Now I don't believe these traffic lights use a lot of energy to begin with, but if they're off for hours on end multiplied by the hundreds of traffic lights applied in every city times the 365 days a year compounded with the fuel saved and the time saved not idling it seems like a no brainer to me that this idea could be effectively implemented with a couple tweaks in the details and everyone could benefit. But alas, I suppose the government isn't interested in stuff like efficiency...

Earth Hour, and everyone's turning off their lights for an hour giving themselves a pat on the back for not using electricity for an hour? Earth Day and we can't even do it for a day? or half a day? Just goes to show you how much we really care for the Earth and how far people are actually willing to go to help the Earth. Saving the world, at our own convenience. If people really cared about the world, why not Earth Hour everyday? everyday during some randomly assigned 60 minute interval, will be called Earth Hour. That would be a lot more useful than one hour...one day a year. People are all proud to be a part of this Earth Hour and Earth day stuff helping out the planet. BIG FUCKING WHOOP! it's ONE day...ONE hour, if they really cared, it'd be a full time endeavour, something incorporated into the daily lives. Let's be honest, most of us only care to saving the world when it's convenient for us. Not many will go out of their way and over the top to help the world. Come to think of it...are we really saving Earth? or are we trying to save ourselves? Let's cut the crap, the Earth will be fine with or without life and water. What we REALLY care about is saving our own narcissistic skins. WE don't want to die...so we adapt and try to change...but we're not saving the world...we're saving ourselves. People need to get off their high horse for this "noble" cause. Let's face it, us "saving" the Earth from complete catastrophe (ie. the planet explodes, not some stupid human perspective of catastrophe) is about as likely as sticking a foot up someone's ass, literally. Or the world being flat.

Friend: Hey did you hear about the Japanese guy who married a pillow?! wtf? Jap people are weird...
Me: Yeah, I hear that guy invented pillow talk.
Friend: ...

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Me: Did you see the game? That was intense!
Friend: Please don't tell me <insert sports team here> lost
Me: okay...their score tally was insufficient to be greater than the score tally of the opposition.
Friend: ...

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Friend: There are 10 types of people in this world, those who get this and those who don't.
Me: No, actually there are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
Friend: What? I can count, it was just binary...
Me: I know...and the joke is I can't count!


It bugs me when things go over someone's head...people need to understand the many faces of humor...not the blunt trauma of screaming really loudy and repeating quotes from family guy. There's a time and a place for that, but there needs to be a delicacy, and finesse to comedy, even the blunt and sarcastic, snarky comments need a graceful delivery. The way you deliver a joke is just as important as the concept of your joke.

While I can't claim to be a comedic genius or have any type of comedic intellect, I do have my moments, and when my flashes of brilliance strike, they seem to go over everyone's heads. One day...someone will get me and then we will start a band, like flight of the conchords, but less successful, and less music.....and less jokes....and probably no band.

What's up with people who use wired headsets for their phones...and then HOLDING THE MIC UP TO THEIR FACE TO SPEAK INTO IT?! Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of hands-free? What's the difference between that and holding the phone up to your ear? About 6 inches?