The Blog About Nothing

As I'm well known for, we started reading a book yesterday and I was like "This book is going to suck!". Once again, I was wrong. I was only thrown off because my english teacher said it was "contemporary literature". Peh. Considering everything we had read to this point (with the exception of beloved Frankenstein), nobody speaks real english! In this book we're reading, it takes place in 1890's England. So it's somewhat easier to read. On top of that, it's hilarious. Yes, more than 100 years later, I can understand the jokes. Simply because people in general apparently don't change.

Basically, there are two friends, Jack and Algernon. To keep it simple, Jack likes Gwendolin, who is Algernon's cousin. Algernon likes Cecily, who is Jack's ward. The two friends use the same pseudonym, Ernest (Jack leads a double life with that name, and Cecily thinks Algernon's name is actually Ernest, so he plays along). Gwendolin and Cecily argue about who's marrying Ernest, when they're really two different people. So now Jack and Algernon are fighting who gets to be christened to the name Ernest.

This one part comes when the two girls are getting pretty pissed at their fiances. So they angrily storm out of the room. Jack is trying to discuss the problem with Algernon, but alas. Like any typical guy, he is too wrapped up in food to really care.

Jack: How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can’t make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless.

Algernon: Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.

Even in the 1890's, boys think muffins are better than girls. Then again, in my state of mind right now, I think muffins are better than boys. This book teaches that muffins are higher prioritized than problems with your fiance! They should have more books like this out in print in the 21st century.

And our little pal Algernon continues to be stupid as he talks to his aunt about a friend of his (that he had originally made up), when she asks "Whatever happened to your friend Bunbury?"

Algernon: [Stammering.] Oh! No! Bunbury doesn’t live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead,

Lady Bracknell: Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.

Algernon: [Airily.] Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.

Lady Bracknell: What did he die of?

Algernon: Bunbury? Oh, he quite exploded.

If you're gonna say your friend died, you don't tell your great old aunt that he exploded! I just imagine blood and guts and *BOOM!* in the middle of a fancy late 19th century living room.

*sips tea daintily*
*SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS!*

Reading this book is basically a blast... from the future. That the wants and needs and scape-goats of boys really haven't changed all that much.

Jack: Algernon! I have already told you to go. I don’t want you here. Why don’t you go!

Algernon: I haven’t quite finished my tea yet! and there is still one muffin left. [Jack groans, and sinks into a chair. Algernon still continues eating.]