Musings

One of my female millionaire friends just sent me some interesting advice. Now, my dedicated readers will recall the value proposition I proposed in a blog post regarding the prospect for retiring dirt-chip on a cruise ship, forever (so to speak) wandering from port to port around the world.

Well, this suggestion is certainly a runner-up winner. She suggested retiring to a Holiday Inn! She went on to give me the details, which I thought I should share with the Geezer's Club and youngsters that aspire to a ripe old age, here on Opera:

“No nursing home for us. We are checking into the Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble.

We have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

$5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And, no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. And, the grandkids can use the pool!”

In these troubled times, with headlines all the time about abuse of the elderly in rest homes staffed by illegal immigrants, you need to be on the lookout for better alternatives to your current lifestyle.

I am already on-line with Google Maps and booking rooms with Inns that are located within one mile of a local golf course or bordello.