My wife happened to walk past the door to my office, and hearing all of the moaning and groaning, stuck her head inside. After glancing at the screen, she reeled back in horror, and ululating like a Mau-Mau warrior, grabbed her bullwhip off its peg in the wall, and began lashing my back and limbs. I did my usual bit of bursting into tears of remorse, and then I had a brilliant idea. “Hold everything!”, I shouted. “I never told you this before, but actually I’m a lesbian in a man’s body. You have nothing to worry about!”.
Thunderstruck, she lowered her whip arm slowly while conflicting emotions scuttled across her face. I turned back to the screen nonchalantly, trying not to let the smile leak out. She started to make a scathing comment, but then just turned away and strode out of the office, shaking her head. But I digress…….
Back to the Hawking dilemma, his behavior injects a whole new dimension into the Theory of Everything. I have a million questions; For example: How does he indicate he is aroused? Is it an imperceptible quiver of his lip? I try to imagine his electronic voice machine saying, “Oh yeah, baby; Shake it for daddy!” I picture him rolling up a five dollar bill and trying to tuck it in somewhere as a tip.
On the other hand, he could do the rest of us old farts a real favor. He could formally announce the Yin and Yang basis of Tantric Sex yoga and its implications for a unified field theory. This is a scam old guys have used for centuries on young chicks; It goes something like this: There is a profound energy exchange between the old and the young when connected in some kinky sexual position (The Hindis were great at illustrating this).
The exchange supposedly makes the young much wiser and the old far more energetic and healthy. It is a win-win deal for everyone involved. And, to sweeten the deal, the old guy gives her gifts and money. Such is life, and I think an endorsement by Dr. Hawking would give our theory a lot of support. I think that Dr. Hawking deserves all of the naked ladies he can handle. What a heroic figure! A man’s man, for sure!
Oh, crap! Here comes my wife again. Quick, hit the new tab key!