ARRG!

How I came to be here is a very long story. Short version, she said "the Ruler would be home soon, but please don't stop!" I'm lucky to still have my head and atomic structure intact.

You people have been very rude to me since I have been banished to your Planet country. You and your primitive handheld communication devices, walking around in circles and yelling on them at each other in public. And the young people and their repetitious sound waves, I think they call it music, sounds like my last transport device just before it disintegrated!
The only one that has been nice to me is that weird Mr. Phantom character, even though I think he has what you call "real issues", and in need of some serious help.

But I do find the female types here attractive. I don't know what it is, maybe their very nice footwear or the lack of facial hair. I don't quite know yet..
I have heard this elixir you call Crown Royal and females combine to make a very interest time. I plan on investigating further.

And I have watched very closely this activity you people call Elections of Leaders. I don't understand this concept. It seems to me that you select one of every group, all ages , shapes, reproduction types , colors and follow them around with a moving image box while they say vile and idiotic things about each other, all the while you go yay for them?

This whole idea seems idiotic. All over this puny little sphere you divide yourselves up into small sections of territory and elect a leader that speaks a different tongue from everybody else around them, you can not understand each other!

No wonder you people are warring all the time, no one knows what each other is saying!

Have not you people heard of a SUPREME RULER!

Non-sense, all this is Non-sense!

But I have serious plans to take over, by force if necessary...as soon as my grant money from the U.S. Government Department of Housing and Urban Development arrives!!

By the way people, your atomic clock is wrong and your periodic table is incomplete!