India

I'm in a good mood today....pretty quiet tho...
Not really ready to go to work.
To be honest I'm angry.
And to be honest, I don't forgive him.
Our whole family is working so hard just to get out of Ft. SQ. that it is ridiculous...but we are all dirt poor...
I think now that Ashley is pregnant I am going to have a sit down with Albert...and discuss him signing over his rights...he has brought it up before and it would make life so much easier on me...he has a new baby to play with now, and an ignorant girl to destroy. There is really no reason for Axl and I to deal with him anymore...I realize that he cares about him, but he isn't a father...my mom talked to me today about the way Lucas is with Axl and I could see that she sees what I do...I think she finally understands why I love him. hmmm....math is almost over. continue this later.

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it's just another day in the life...

Monday, May 4, 2009 5:59:17 PM

And I wanna believe you...
When you tell me that it'll be okay...
Yeah I try to believe you...
But I don't.

When you say that it's gonna be...
It always turns out a different way.

I don't know how I feel. I guess everything is hitting me all at once...reality that is. I need to find another part time job i think...and definately get myself driving because I'll be screwed if I don't. Graduation is a month and four days away, prom is in 12, ax's b-day is in a month and two days...And of course everything depends on something I don't have...money. I am so ready to move...
gah. not finished but I really don't feel like writing...

1 comment

Just live your life...

Friday, February 20, 2009 8:44:41 PM

GOT THE LAPTOP BACK! missed the internet bunches! lol.

Albert has done his thing again....he is out in Shelbyville with a girl he has known two weeks living with her and raising her son...leaving his own at home and not caring. I'm okay with it though...i'm really disappointed that he is dealing drugs though...he used to be such a smart guy...but i'll always care about him, i just can't sit around and watch him destroy me anymore.

Love Luke <3He and I are finally back together. We both just needed some time to sort things out...now i couldn't think up a complaint if i had to except that i'd never leave him if i had a choice.

okay....random quick update...more to know, lots of thoughts, gotta do english work.

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Veda........

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 6:56:00 PM

"Muncie woman, 18, dies in car-semi crash
Posted: December 1, 2008

Carmel -- An 18-year-old woman died early Sunday after the car in which she was riding collided with a semitrailer truck in a crash police think might have been alcohol-related.

Veda J. Douglas, Muncie, was pronounced dead at Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis after the 3:30 a.m. accident at 116th and Meridian streets, Carmel police said.

Douglas was riding in the front passenger seat. The driver, Vernell Hill, 22, Indianapolis, and two other passengers were taken to Methodist Hospital with non-life-threatening injuries, police said.

The driver of the semi was not injured. Carmel police said investigators are trying to determine whether Hill had used alcohol and whether that was a factor in the crash."

missourigal34 wrote:

My brother was the truck driver in this accident & I thank god that he had a gardian angle looking after him. For those of you that are interested in what really happened... please read. My brother had the green light. The car ran the red light and ran into the drivers side of his truck and he did not know what or who had hit him. I'm so happy that the lady turning left saw the car coming and new they were not going to stop at the light, so she stopped and they swirved to miss her. If they would of hit her then they all might have died becasue they would of gone under my brothers trailer. All in all, it is a shame that they were out drinking and driving, but I just wanted to let everyone know that it was not my brothers fault. It seems the truck driver always gets the blame and that is why they have such a bad name. My prayers go out to the girls family that passed away. Hopefully this will be another lesson learned about drinking & driving and what it CAN do! Teens please call someone

GOD!!! if i could slap this woman I would!

Veda was my friend...my classmate...a young mother...and we are worried about who is to blame? WHAT THE FUCK! SHE IS DEAD. that's all that matters anymore.

Our whole senior class is on edge today....truly considering "that could have been any one of us...at any time..."
We aren't ready to die...

What happens to her baby? It isn't ready to grow up alone...

Missourigal34 : YOU MAKE ME SICK!

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The Best, And The Worst...

Thursday, October 23, 2008 12:00:45 AM

This song has to be the greatest.
There are millions of songs out there,
but i slow danced to this song...
And my heart started to heal.

It is truly a beautiful song.
I love all kinds of music, this one just speaks to me at the present time.

Today was....well, tiring.
I sat last night, with a 20 year-old man crying on the foot of my bed...
until 2:30 in the morning.
The loss of a child is finally setting in.
Or maybe it is the loss of me...
Either way, he seems to be waking up...
Or maybe it is another fake.
Needless to say, I'm not giving in to the 'i love you's
I'm standing my ground.

Work is tiring...
I want so badly to be as good as they want me to be...
They expect me to be great because I came from a pizza place...
But a lot of things are so different...
I don't think I WANT to make pizza again...
I was hoping for cash register, cleaning, even pulling and cutting the pizzas wouldn't be so bad...
Making pizzas for them just doesn't give me the same thrill...

I'm stressing today...
I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep.

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My heart is growing cold toward the past...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 12:20:50 AM

Tonight is a strange night...
I feel excited, yet frustrated.
I'm disgusted with my past.

Albert is at it again...
he told his new girlfriend that my name tattooed on his arm,
it was his daughter that i miscarried...
It's not fair.
That miscarriage tore up my life.
To him it's a joke to use for personal gain.
And why am I not worthy of being myself to him?
I supported him for three years!
I'm raising his son alone...
!!!!!!!

I started my new job today.
Cici's Pizza...
Nothing special, but it buys diapers.
I enjoyed it.
The atmosphere is wonderful.

& I was stood up again yesterday.
I'm starting to feel neglected again.

& I lost my best friend to my baby cousin...
his hormones got the best of him...
and he chose her over me in my time of need...

Today is tired.
I'm just disgusted with the way things are going...[/ALIGN]

5 comments

I'm not gonna cry. Inevitably my smile will be back again.

Thursday, October 16, 2008 12:08:43 AM

I have found myself sitting in front of my door....
Just listening to the rain fall as I write...

And this poor cat has strolled up to it and she is crying...
For companionship....
Safety...
Warmth...
Shelter..
She is beautiful.
I am watching her now, as she seeks refuge on top of one of the numerous boxes on my front porch and clenses herself of the polluted rain...
My music has made her perk up and check her surroundings...I suppose rock is not to her liking, back to R&B. lol.

I am completely in love with the tree across the street...I find myself staring at it all of the time.
I take pictures of myself on my front porch and I always end up focusing on that tree...and forgetting the point.

This is me, at my rawest point, sitting in front of my door, laptop in hand, staring out at the world, listening to the sounds....writing to my heart's content. I AM the pen as it meets the paper, the fingers as they touch the keys...

writing is my passion...

2 comments

Life Is Like High School...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:22:03 PM

"I think life is just like high school; You have your athletic people, nerds, gamerz, preps, rich people, the poor, etc. You get the point, and no matter what you do you still have those people that talk behind your back and there is still drama. It doesn't matter what you do it's still gonna be there, so you just have to deal with it even after high school. Just take that into consideration and see how true it is. lol. For real though, it is."

A really great friend of mine (Lil'mike, Trooper, Rico, or watever you wanna call him) posted this today and I wanted to share with you my response because it kind of gives you a glimpse of my feelings right now. I feel free writing to him so I let out a little more emotion in my words, most of which he never reads:

You're right. 100% You even have your grown-ups that still act like 5-y/os lol. (you know who i'm talking about right?)

Life is all about who can be on top...crush who you have to, to get there and hopefully enjoy yourself in the process. It's a rediculous circle.

There are some people out there though that try to just lives their lives and ignore that mess, but those are the poor, athletic, gamer, nerds....lol. they take a piece of each lifestyle and put them together to live a completely enriched one....

Life is beautiful.
You struggle through what you don't like.
Grit your teeth through what you can't stand.
And scream at the top of your lungs when you can't take it anymore.
Laugh at the small things.
Forgive the big ones.
And hug the ones that hurt you.
Learn new talents.
Banish old habits.
And enjoy the challenges.

Can you tell how happy I am living my life right now? lol.

Life is so beautiful when you surround yourself with the right people, do the things that intrigue you and forget those the stress you out....<3

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Who Knew You Could Miss Something You Hated So Much....

Thursday, October 9, 2008 1:16:36 AM

I quit my job at Greatimes on Sunday....I couldn't take anymore....
The games got old...

Mary had been telling Ryan to do the dishes all morning and he never did them.

Well, she told me to do them about 3:15 so it had been about 3 hours that he hadn't done them.....

So i went back and started to do them....

She came back there and got in my face and said if you have a problem with me you need to tell me.
I said I don't have a problem, I'm doing my job and I don't need to say anything that's my choice.

I finished the dishes and went up front, helped a customer, collected the trash, and started sweeping the floor.
she came over and told me when daniel got off his break i could clock out and go home and then told me to go in the back and said "You may say you don't have an attitude but I can see it on your face and You need to lose it."

And then I really don't remember what she said but I snapped.
I yelled, "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU AREN'T FUCKING MY DAD! I'M NOT KISSING YOUR ASS ANYMORE!"
and she told me to clock out sayin it's not her fault that we were all jealous of Ryan.
(My boss is dating Ryan's dad if you haven't caught that much thus far)

After I clocked out and walked out the back door she yelled "And You're fired"
and I yelled back "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!!!"

and then i threw my hat across the parking lot, walked to get it, and went and sat at the gas station and called my dad to come get me....

I'm really disappointed. I loved that job....but I'm also so relieved because that was just too much drama to bear.

(Mary told me today that she didn't fire me until I cursed her out outside, which is funny because I never cursed her out and I didn't curse at her until she told me I was fired...)

***Searching for a new job tomorrow-Wish me luck***

***On a good note, finally got the tattoo I've been designing for about 3 months. 4 hours, a crazy puerto rican, 8 colors, and waaaaaay too much standing= a completely amazing tatto that I adore***

1 comment

Another Beautiful day <3

Friday, October 3, 2008 2:15:51 AM

I felt amazing today!

I got up this morning and I actually did my hair....which as usual went insane and all the curls straightened themselves out, but i felt so good...I felt like I didn't have any worries in the world...

I really wanna meet someone, get up the nerve to say hi to the guy on the morning bus, or maybe the security guard at my internship...I'm lonely. Even if he's just a friend, I'm tired of being alone in my life.

Whew, long day ahead of me tomorrow....guess I'm gonna get some sleep...

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