An Englishman In Japan

This is what will happen when NASA finally gets a settlement up and running on the Moon:



I wondered where they'd all gone!

Happy Easter!

Mouse

I did a search on jobs just now, as I'm looking for some more work. When I clicked the first link I got on the search (silly mistake - I should have read the address first, as it contained 'blog' in it, and would not be a company), I got someone's blog with billions of pictures of people playing with little dogs on it.

I decided to quit the page and return to my search, but the PC wouldn't let me, so I thought, 'OK, it wants to load the entire page first, so I will wait.' After five minutes (!) I got a message saying I didn't have the relevant plug-in. So I clicked on that and waited. Still no action. So, I went to make a cup of tea.

When I came back, still no action. THEN, I got a message saying there was not sufficient memory and that it was recommended to either close my browser or restart the computer (I wasn't using Opera at the time - sorry, folks). So I decided to switch the tab off and get onto my blog to write about this. BUT, it wouldn't let me open this page! It just sat there with a little hourglass for another five minutes. So I closed: the browser.

After 'Disk Cleanup', I tried to open the browser, but I got a message telling me that I have to close my browser first before I can open it! It WAS closed! Pressing CTRL+ALT+DEL made no effect, as usual (I wanted to manually close the browser from the 'Process Log'), and I didn't want to press it too many times as Windows PCs have a nasty habit of either taking a very long time and opening multiple Process Logs, giving an error message on a blue screen (recommending that you press CTRL+ALT+DEL !!!) or restarting.

After waiting a further five minutes, I restarted the PC.

Then of course, you have to wait for MSN Messenger to start up, with multiple people all logging in, and pings all over the place before you get the MSN Today coming up (which very often tells you that the service is unavailable), and the Yahoo Messenger starting up, telling you that you have three messages (which are inevitably unwanted, as Yahoo is easy prey for Nigerian scams).

Then, I finally got to write this. After half an hour.

I'd like to log into that person's blog again and tell them what their website did to my PC, but I'm scared it'll take another hour to do it.

Anyway, feck it! Just a little website which reminds me of my catholic days back in Blighty. Enjoy Father Ted! FECK!

Scouse Mouse:bye:

Just a little poem I wrote for the ladies left behind when their men have gone off to Iraq and Afghanistan:

No Man's Land (War Is Hell)

Here I lie in No Man's Land
Three bullets in the gut
The pain, it racks my body
My eyes are tightly shut.

All around is moonlike
Not a living thing around
Except this poor dying soul
Lying here, on the ground.

I slowly take out the pictures
Of all the people I've known
The ones I've loved, and the ones who loved
This broken flesh and bone.

But of all those lovely pictures
There is one on which I dwell
That is you, my love, who loved me most
Before I went to hell.

Let's end the war, and God bless the fallen on both sides, and those left behind.

Scouse Mouse

Depending on how you ask the questions, you can force the answer you seek! Remember 43% of polls are wrong, the other 78% are made up! Don't jump to the answer, just scroll down. Take this test mentally, don't write down your answers, and don't shout them out.

1. Pick a number from 2 to 9. It can be 2 or it can be 9, or any number in between.
2. Take that number that you've chosen, and multiply it by 9.
3. That should give you a two digit number. Take those two digits and add them together.
4. Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it.
5. Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters. A =1, B=2, C=3, and so on...
6. Take your letter, and think of a country that begins with that letter.
7. Take the last letter in the name of that country, and think of an animal.
8. Now, take the last letter in the name of that animal, and think of a colour.
9. But remember, that there are no orange kangaroos in Denmark.

Scouse Mouse!

There is a small restaurant in Gifu called Mizutani. I say it's small, because they only seat about 16 people. However, the place is so well known, and the food is so good, that there are always people lining up outside!

Claeton and I went there two days ago, and had the loveliest yakitori (grilled chicken on skewers), heart, liver, nankotsu (cartillage), and even grilled sparrows!

The sparrows were the highlight of the evening, actually. You get two on a skewer, and you have a choice of either soy sauce or salt, but we chose soy sauce as the colour of the sauce would hide the actual shape of the bird. You then eat them whole, bones and all. In actual fact, they were really nice! Just like every other weird food, they tasted like chicken (but in this case it is not surprising, really, as they are birds, after all).



Lovely Jubbly!

I have eaten some of the strangest stuff here in Asia. Raw Horse sushi is one of my favourites, dipped in garlic, ginger and soy sauce. Grasshoppers ("inago") dipped in soy sauce and sugar are a nice one to try, especially after a few beers. Raw mince beef in garlic and raw egg ("yukke") is a special favourite. I even have to confess to having eaten raw whale meat (which tasted like horse), chillied dog (I suppose you really could call it a hot dog!) and the penis of an ox (which was like eating a bar of dried glue...!).

But, seriously, it MUST be better than the Mud-Crap Pizza you can buy in Korea!

Mind you, the Japanese think we are weird because we eat rabbits....

Scouse Mouse!

Right, I sorted the apartment out with some furniture. I got a washing machine, a few bookcases (for my millions of books!), and a light fitting. I even found a cheap TV and a Playstation to play with. Now it looks like a place that somebody might even want to live in. Oh, and I even got a telephone, as, for some reason, even though I specifically told NTT I didn't want a telephone number, they gave me one 'free' with the internet connection. Oh, and I bought a bed, too (a campbed), as I was sick of sleeping on a really thin futon placed on a hard wooden floor. Compared to what it's been like since early December, this is bloody luxury!

Plus, I have an interview at a noodle shop tomorrow. Well, I say 'interview', but they seemed to just want me to start work tomorrow. It's not a bad place, but everyone is Chinese and they don't speak English, and some don't even speak Japanese, so I'll have to try my best with my best Chinese. It'll be a good laugh, whatever happens. It's better than being punched in the balls by Japanese kids, I suppose.

We'll see what happens, and I'll keep you all posted.

Scouse Mouse

PS Installing MAC OS X 10.4 (Tiger) takes a ridiculous amount of time, so be prepared to sit there for hours on end waiting for it to finish BEFORE you have to manually install the rest of the stuff that comes with it, half of which needs a previous version, which you obviously don't have. The programmers obviously haven't got a clue. Bloody MacJobs (both puns intended).

PPS Totally irrelevant, but I thought this should be shared, with my views on war and especially the 'War on Terror' which is a load of bollocks: Bush Tells It Like It Is.
And another one to show you what our guys have to do over there, instead of sitting behind a desk and sodding off fishing for weeks on end, like our dear President: Bravo Two Zero.
Plus, finally, an incredibly well produced video, as a tribute to all the boys and girls out there, doing a job that none of us would ever want to do: Tribute to Our Folks in Iraq

What a year that was!

I've just finished my 大掃除, 'end of year cleaning', not that I had much to do, as I've only just moved in, and I only have one room to clean, and I've only actually had a few days there, because I was in Tokyo for five days until yesterday. Still, I had to rearrange all the cardboard boxes I have full of stuff, and start using them as furniture until I get some real furniture. All I have is a table (for my computers) and a futon at the moment. All I need now is a few bookshelves for my massive library and I'll be sorted!

So, here we are, at the end of the year, and the start of a new one. What will 2007 bring us that 2006 didn't, I wonder? Let's see. What were the predictions I made for 2006, at the beginning of the year?

1.England will win the World Cup in Germany (and will play Germany in the Final). This nearly happened, I suppose. We only lost because Beckham and Owen got injured and Rooney stamped somoene in the balls and got sent off. Mind you, Germany didn't get into the final either, so I was doubly wrong there!

2.Liverpool will finish top of the Premiership. I was close again, but then this is an easy prediction to make.

3.Everton will get battered. I was right here, but again, this is an easy prediction to make!

4.The weather will get worse, with terrible flooding in the south of England. Correct, as far as I know.

5.There will be forest fires and drought in Southern parts of Europe. Correct.

6.An important religious leader will be assassinated. Would this not be Al-Zarqawi, by any chance?

7.There will be intense social upheaval in Europe, and possibly a government will fall (maybe Italy). Well, Berlusconi left this year, but not because of social upheaval.

8.There will be more earthquakes, maybe in California and Tokyo. Thank God I was wrong here.

9.There will be an appearance of a previously unknown comet. I think there was the appearance of a previously unknown planet, further out than Pluto (and actually bigger). Or maybe I was right...: A new comet?

I wasn't too wrong, was I?

Anyway, I hope everyone had a decent 2006, and I hope that 2007 proves to be even better. For me, it could only get better.....

Anyway, nice little film to round the post off with: The War in Iraq

Enjoy,

Scouse Mouse

So, off I went to Kyoto again.

Jim had been there for a while, doing Zen, and his mate Paul from Canada was there, so we thought we'd have a right piss up, as we haven't seen each other for ages. I think the last time I saw Jim was at his wedding in Chiba, and that was also the last time I saw Paul, so we had a real chin-wag.



We went to a couple of temples (Jodo-shin-shuu) temples, which were really beautiful.



I bought my girlfriend a 浄土宗日常勤行 sutra, which I know she won't use, but it's the feeling that counts, apparently. Having said that, I was a bit surprised when she took it out on the last night before she had to fly off to the Maldives, and asked me how to use the sutra.



Movie deleted by request




I'll be moving to a new apartment in two days, so I will not be online for a short time, until I get a new internet connection, but I hope to be able to speak to you all as soon as possible.



Anyway, I'm freezing, so I'm off to get something warm to drink.



Col the Scouse Mouse

I just spent a whole week at a Buddhist Temple in Kyoto, learning about the Tendai Sect （天台宗）of Buddhism, and basically living the way of life of a Buddhist monk.



It was a great experience and I was hoping to spend more time there, maybe even to take the course to become a fully fledged monk (this takes three years!), but that proved difficult. The Head Priest （和尚様）told me that it was bad timing, as the only other monk in the temple is taking a special aesthetic course and doesn't really have time to teach me. Plus, in two weeks' time he'll be going on a one week fast (no food, no water, and no sleep, just chanting sutras 24 hours a day) and this coincides with a business trip the Head Priest has to make, so I'd be on my own. Therefore the Head Priest has recommended that I go back to Aichi to find another place. He also said I'm welcome to come back anytime I want though and stay for a while, which is very kind of him, but　all this puts me in a bit of a fix, as I now have to find someone to stay with, but I'm sure I'll manage.

So, what did I do there? Here is my daily schedule (the schedule of a novice monk):

4:00am Wake up
4:15am Open all the gates
4:30am Sweep the courtyard and carpark
5:30am First ceremony (actually, two ceremonies simultaneously - I did the daily morning ceremony, while the head monk did the ceremony for the dead)
6:30am Cook breakfast for everyone (we took this in turns)
7:30am Clean the toilets, and if there is any time left, study to prepare for the next ceremony, and just study Buddhism in general.
9:00am Perform odd jobs, like maintenance, moving things, cleaning, etc.
12:00pm Cook lunch for everyone (again taking it in turns)
1:00pm (as per 9:00am)
4:00pm Sweep the courtyard and carpark again
5:00pm Second ceremony (again simultaneously)
6:00pm Clean the Head Priest's Office
7:00pm Cook dinner for everyone (again taking it in turns)
8:00pm- Free time (usually consisting of washing clothes and having a bath before going to bed)

7 days a week, and apparently 365 days a year.



The ceremonies are very much a community thing, with large numbers of people coming to the temple to take part. The accommodation and food are free. The accommodation consists of a 6 tatami single room with a futon. I was given a table for my laptop, but usually you wouldn't get one (if you have a wireless LAN, you can use the temple's internet connection). Apart from that, there is nothing else in the room. The food is typical temple food - all vegetarian, and all brought as offerings by the local people, so we don't actually buy any food. Actually, monks don't need cash, as everything is provided by the community. They don't even pay taxes! The only problem is, that they don't get paid either, but the idea is, if they are going to live their entire lives in the temple, they don't need money.

It sounds like a dead easy option, with a guarantee of a job for life and everything is free, but it's not. If you are thinking of becoming a monk, you have to be sure that you will stick with it all of your life, otherwise, if you drop out after a few years, that will be a few years wasted and nothing gained except for some experience and a different outlook on life (which is a great thing, but you'll be back to square one as far as qualifications and finances are concerned, and the job market is increasingly looking for younger and younger people these days).



X X X X X

So, what lessons have I learned?

I've learned to take things more easily, and not worry about things so much. The work was hard, and I worked hard at it, but the atmosphere was extremely positive amongst everyone involved.

It has taught me to appreciate the simple things in life, too, like water instead of fizzy drinks, boiled rice instead of steaks, and a quiet walk through the park instead of a mad day of karaoke.

I have started to have a more positive outlook, keeping the eyes in the front of my head and not always dwelling in the past. There's a lot more to life than what you've lived.

It has also taught me a few, slightly more personal things, which I think I'll keep to myself until I can explain them better in a later post (stay tuned, folks!).

All in all, it was a good experience, and I recommend it to anyone who has an interest in Buddhism or traditional Japan, or just wants a relaxing week away from it all (besides the 16-hour work day!).

Scouse Mouse

Well, after a special night-out with lots of beer and saikoro-steak and the obligatory karaoke (with both of us trying out new songs for a change) I've woken up to the sound of a little van with a loud-speaker (VERY common in Japan, especially around election time - NO SENSE of noise pollution, these people).

The election vans are really annoying, because they run around the streets from 8AM shouting 'Thank you for voting for me! Thank you for voting for me!' over and over again. If anything is going to STOP me from voting for these people, it's THAT (not that I'm eligible for voting, as I am a gaijin)! Actually, a few years ago, there was an incident where someone threw three hand grenades at a car park where these vans where parked, destroying a few of them. Since then the government has brought in a law in certain districts saying that these loud-speaker vans can only operate after 8AM, as opposed to anytime whatsoever. And the vans come round at exactly 8AM. It doesn't make sense. Most people go to work between 6AM and 7AM, so the only people who are still home are either women (who don't care about politics, in my experience over here) or people who are still in bed trying to sleep, because they do shift work!


Vote for me! And you'll never sleep again!

But this van this morning was especially annoying. It was going around saying, 'If you've got any electrical goods, like TVs, computers, CD players, microwaves, or anything else, we'll take them away for free!' That's all well and good, BUT, shouldn't they be PAYING us for them? They're only going to take them to the local second-hand shop and sell them anyway!


Hard Off - Lovely name for a second hand shop!

The Japanese are so ketchi, it's unbelievable! All they think about is money, and then they run around the place trying to show how harmonious and peaceful they are by going to Buddhist temples, Shinto shrines, and having weddings in fake christian chapels with a fake priest who is actually just a NOVA teacher straight off the banana boat. Bloody crazy country this!

Mind you, I can't talk. I've been crazy enough to stay here for ten years, and I'm STILL gonna stay here. Must be the birds, and the easy availability of teaching jobs (many of which, by the way, turn me down SPECIFICALLY because I'm TOO experienced - work that one out! Most places really don't seem to have any confidence in what they do - why not hire someone who can help to make a business grow? I'm not the type to stay here for a year and then go back to my native country and get a job there, I want to be here!).

Anyway, I might be off to Hiroshima next week to start work as a Buddhist monk (I'm not qualified yet, but I have had over a year's training, and I could easily do the job with that, and continue the training at the temple). We'll see how that goes.

Scouse Mouse