My 0.02$ on life, love and friendship

1)Reply to everything someone says with "thats what you think"
2)Make beeping noises when a large person backs up
3)Sing along at the opera
4)finish all your sentences with "accordance to prophesy"
5)Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more.
6)Never make eye contact
7)Meow occasionally
8)Walk around with a cooler that say "human head" on the side
9)In a lift, draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passeners that this is your "personal space."
10)Announce in a crowded place, in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
11)Staple papers in the middle of the page.
12)Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
13)Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
14)Steal a large quantity of traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
15)Write "X - Buried treasure" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
16)Ask people what gender they are.

... And I promise to touch you ever so gently, That you'll mistake my caress for a swift breeze born for the simple sake of blowing your troubles away.
You are safe child.
But if pain ever dare threaten the safety of our love,
Then I would grant you wings to lift your spirit above the sky and allow your tears to free fall onto the face of the earth, so that its children begin to believe that the rain comes from an angel crying.
So let it rain, let it rain, let it rain and I will stand a hundred miles beneath you with my hands lifted towards the heavens collecting your teardrops in crystal glasses of wine.
Because I believe that this love potion number nine holds the remedy for time and just one taste would allow me to love you forever...

-Alan Maramag

In a sentimental mood
I can see the stars come through my room
While your loving attitude
Is like a flame that lights the gloom
On the wings of every kiss
Drifts a melody so strange and sweet
In this sentimental bliss
You make my paradise complete
Rose petals seem to fall
It's all I could dream to call you mine
My heart's a lighter thing
Since you made this night a thing divine
In a sentimental mood
I'm within a world so heavenly
For I never dreamt that you'd be loving sentimental me...

-Ella Fitzgerald - "In a Sentimental Mood"

Sean Maguire: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?
Will Hunting: No.
Sean Maguire: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.
Will Hunting: Why thank you.
Sean Maguire: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
Will Hunting: Nope.
Sean Maguire: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared s**tless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my f***ing life apart. You're an orphan right? [Will nods] You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a s**t about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some f***in' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

- Good Will Hunting

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

For many people, it seems sex is the main motivation for doing anything. If they're in a band, it's not about making uplifting music, it's about getting as much sex as possible. If they attempt to become rich, it's not because they want more control over their own lives and want to give millions of dollars to their favorite charities, it's because they want the best sex money can buy.

A seemingly thoughtless life on automatic crotch cruise control seems like such a waste when there are so many things we can do to help make this world a better place for everyone. There's nothing wrong with sex, but humans need to break out of the primitive mind-set that the main goal for doing anything is to obtain sex if each one of us wants to personally evolve to another level where we do things because it's the right thing to do for ourselves and the greater good.

- Duane Alan Hahn

1) Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
2) When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
3) "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
4)Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
5)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
6)Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
7)Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
8)Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
9)Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
10) Don't you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
11) Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
12) Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
13) If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"

Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you,
Drop your defenses and come, into my arms.
I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing.

I'm all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within.

I know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind, but I,
I see you've painted your soul into your guard,
I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing

I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you;
I need to find the key let me in, into your heart, to find your soul.

-Missy Higgins

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence,
and toughness multiplies toughness
in a descending spiral of destruction.

"Strength To Love,"
1963 Martin Luther King, Jr.

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

-David Harkins

Friends

A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place.

-- Jean Kyler McManus -

Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about a bad break I got. Yet today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. I have been to ballparks for seventeen years and I have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. Look at these grand men. Which of you wouldn't consider it the highlight of his career just to associate with them for even one day? Sure I'm lucky. Who wouldn't have considered it an honor to have known Jacob Ruppert? Also, the builder of baseball's greatest empire, Ed Barrow? To have spent six years with that wonderful little fellow, Miller Huggins? Then to have spent the next nine years with that outstanding leader, that smart student of psychology, the best manager in baseball today, Joe McCarthy? Sure, I'm lucky. When the New York Giants, a team you would give your right arm to beat and vice versa, sends you a gift, that's something. When everybody down to the groundskeepers and those boys in the white coats remember you with trophies, that's something. When you have a father and mother who work all their lives so that you can have an education and build your body, it's a blessing. When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed, that's the finest I know. So I close by saying that I might have had a bad break, but I have an awful lot to live for. Thank you.

-Lou Gehrig

He came to her on a starry night
Her the lady, he the knight
And knelt before her on the ground
Her hands within his own he bound
And gazed into her starlit eyes
Illuminated by the lunar rise
And smiling, produced to her a ring
A trinket to most, a trifled thing
And said to her those words she dreamed
And faltered not, although it seemed
He would.

And she, exuberant, looking down
Could not recall when last she'd frowned
Though tears flowed freely down her face
And settled on her moonlit lace
Her face bespoke rapturous elation
Outshining God's surrounding creations
And opening her delicate mouth
One whispered word made to slip out
And soared across the enchanted night
And on his ears it made to alight
With growing cheer upon its advent
His heart soared forth whenst it gained the content
And all doubts dashed he embraced her dearly
For though it seemed unlikely,
She would.

And spinning upon that ghostly hill
That gorgeous spine of earth instilled
It seemed, with all the wonder of the world
This dear young couple their hearts unfurled
And then, exuberance smiting his face
He stepped away to leave her place
She glanced and questioned lovingly
Where go thou now, my dearest sweet?
And to the world his voice he hurled
"I think, my dear, I shall conquer the world."

Kevin Bratcher