Posts tagged with "quotes"
Monday, March 13, 2006 2:36:09 PM
1) Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
2) Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
3) Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
4) Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
5) Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
6) Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
7) Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
8) Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
9) Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
10) Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
11) Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
12) Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
13) Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
14) Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Friday, March 10, 2006 10:50:43 AM
Mmm ... 64 slices of American cheese
Mmm ... apple
Mmm ... bacon
Mmm ... bad egg... AAAAARRRGH....
Mmm ... Bar-B-Q
Mmm ... beer
Mmm ... beernut
Mmm ... bowling alley fresh
Mmm ... burger
Mmm ... business deal
Mmm ... candy
Mmm ... caramel
Mmm ... caramel bologna
Mmm ... chocolate
Mmm ... convenient
Mmm ... chicken
Mmm ... crumbled-up cookie things
Mmm ... danish
Mmm ... donuts
Mmm ... elephant fresh
Mmm ... far fetched
Mmm ... fattening
Mmm ... fifty-dollar pretzel
Mmm ... fish
Mmm ... floorpie
Mmm ... foot-long chili dog
Mmm ... forbidden donut
Mmm ... free goo
Mmm ... free wig
Mmm ... fresh batch of American balls
Mmm ... fuzzy
Mmm ... garnish
Mmm ... ginger bread house
Mmm ... grapefruit
Mmm ... gummy-bear
Mmm ... gum with a cracker center
Mmm ... ham
Mmm ... hamburgers
Mmm ... hippo
Mmm ... hog fat
Mmm ... hogan berry
Mmm ... Homer-oats
Mmm ... honey-smoked bacon
Mmm ... horse doovers
Mmm ... hug
Mmm ... incapacitating
Mmm ... invisible cola
Mmm ... Macadamia nuts
Mmm ... Marge
Mmm ... marshmallows
Mmm ... me
Mmm ... mediciny
Mmm ... memo
Mmm ... open-faced club sand-wedge
Mmm ... organized crime
Mmm ... pie
Mmm ... pie pants
Mmm ... pistol whip
Mmm ... pointy
Mmm ... potato chips
Mmm ... precious Venus
Mmm ... promo
Mmm ... purple
Mmm ... recirculated air
Mmm ... reprocessed pig fat
Mmm ... rich creamery butter
Mmm ... sacrilicious
Mmm ... salty
Mmm ... sandwich
Mmm ... sand-wedge
Mmm ... shrimp
Mmm ... slanty
Mmm ... snouts
Mmm ... something
Mmm ... soylent green
Mmm ... spaghetti
Mmm ... steamed gentile
Mmm ... strained peas
Mmm ... sweet Manjula
Mmm ... toxic waste
Mmm ... tasty
Mmm ... that's the next best thing to eating Lenny
Mmm ... the land of chocolate
Mmm ... trophy
Mmm ... turbulent
Mmm ... unexplained bacon
Mmm ... unprocessed fish sticks
Mmm ... urinal fresh
Mmm ... various eggs
Mmm ... waffle runoff
~ Homer Simpson
Sunday, February 19, 2006 4:30:49 AM
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
Sunday, February 19, 2006 4:29:49 AM
If life was meant to be good,
why are'nt we not good?
If life is meant to be joy,
why are we sad?
If life was meant to be fun,
why are we sulking?
if life was meant to be giving,
why are we taking?
If life was meant to be loving,
why are we disliking?
why oh why are we living that way?
Friday, February 17, 2006 11:06:58 PM
Life is complex. Simpler than it seems, yet harder than you would ever imagine. The reality bends and distorts, and it is never nor will ever be complete and definitive. The way you see the world, your perception, changes you and your reality.
Believe in people. Not because you know they're honest, nor because this has been proven to be right. Believe in people because it is something that is worth to believe.
Don't think much about the past, nor the future, focus in what is happening. You'll fall if you don't look forward.
-A. C. Gimael
Friday, February 17, 2006 11:06:23 PM
Nah, this stuff isn't getting to me — the shootings, the knifings, the beatings... old ladies being bashed in the head for their social security checks... Nah, that doesn't bother me. But you know what does bother me? You know what makes me really sick to my stomach? It's watching you stuff your face with those hotdogs. Nobody... I mean nobody puts ketchup on a hot dog.
Detective Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood)
Friday, February 17, 2006 6:32:35 AM
I sit and sight all pains of mankind that has been left for the futures
I hear the weeping sighs of forsaken innocents
I see up from the apple of my eye in depths of ones solitude, clueless, drowned on sorrow, wanting to breathe no more.
I see mislead youth trailing lies with pure deceit oppressed by society
I mark the status of greed, hate, envy, the jealousy of the human heart, attempted to fly, but struck with the absence of light.
I see the blood, the scars of war, the streams of tears, the lost ones.
I observe the domestic violators, the broken homes, guardians destroying seeds minds, polluting roots.
I observe the humiliation, the pain streaming down one's face, the pain being dealt with and walking off.
all these oppressed, degraded, lost, hopeless, broken hearts, still not finding their peace, lost in the absence, running into everything but justice. As I try to fill the world with lush, I am helpless, so i sit and keep observing from my window pane.
Thursday, February 16, 2006 4:14:30 AM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isnot for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006 10:01:28 AM
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006 12:04:36 PM
1. God won't ask what kind of car you drove, He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.
2. God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
3. God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll ask how many you helped clothe.
4. God won't ask what your highest salary was, He'll ask if you gave some to help others.
5. God won't ask what your job title was, He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.
6. God won't ask how many friends you had, He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.
7. God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.
8. God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.
9. God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006 12:03:10 PM
- Being told that someone is better than you.
- Knowing that you're being lied to.
- Letting yourself be beat down.
- Crying hard.
- Losing someone close.
- Watching yourself fade away.
- Falling apart because you're alone.
- Being alone because you're falling apart.
- Hating yourself.
- Not being good enough.
- Being told that she's prettier.
- Being mad at someone because you're mad at yourself.
- Best friends falling apart.
- Being on the sidelines.
- Not being pretty enough.
- Being told that you are fat.
- Breaking up.
- Falling out of love.
- Being used.
- Being made fun of.
- Changing for someone else.
- Realizing that he doesen't love you.
- Falling asleep alone when he should be next to you.
Monday, February 13, 2006 1:45:22 AM
Wherever life takes you, big cities, small towns you will inevitably come across small minds. People who think they are better than you are. People who think that material things or being pretty or popular makes you a worthwhile human being. But none of these things matter unless you have a strength of character, integrity, sense of pride. And if you have these things, don't ever sell them. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, please don't judge them by their station in life. Because who knows, that person just might end up being your best friend.
Monday, February 13, 2006 1:42:17 AM
To-day is the pupil of yesterday.
Sir Henry Wotton
An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie for his country
The killing was the best part. It was the dying I couldn't take.
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
He who is afraid to ask is ashamed of learning.
We walk by faith, not by sight.
Television has raised writing to a new low.
Monday, February 13, 2006 1:32:20 AM
Sir Francis Bacon
Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est
H. L. Mencken
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
One's first book, kiss, home run, is always the best.
Eloquence is in the assembly, not merely in the speaker.
Alfred North Whitehead
It takes a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.
Jerry Van Amerongen
I feel like a tiny bird with a big song!
Saturday, February 11, 2006 2:42:20 PM
Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.
People get trapped into thinking about just one way of doing things.
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
His ignorance is encyclopedic.
There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.
R. W. Alger
Apothegms are portable wisdom, the quintessential extracts of thought and feelings.
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
Friday, February 10, 2006 11:54:12 AM
Maybe I should have saved those left over dreams.
Yes those dreams of the shining stars collecting,
Into one beautiful orbit in which a galaxy is born.
And maybe in that galaxy there is life,
Free from war and greed and strife.
And in the world a baby comes into it,
Claiming its right to live and breathe by living to now!
In the present, your are either living or already dieing,
For not all of us are dieing every moment, but soaring.
And that one life is just one of the entire universe of which it doesn't understand.
But maybe one day, it will realize what's there in front of it's
And that's just a glimpse of what I see,
Every time I look into your eyes
Now look into mine
Dylan Patrick O'Leary
Friday, February 10, 2006 11:52:57 AM
When your mind says you shouldn't,
You heart says who couldn't?
When the mind says think about it,
The heart says I'm a-shake just for it.
When the mind says no,
the heart says go.
These two giants clash like gods,
Making life what it is at odds.
The mind the brain, its all in control,
Until someone comes in and busts up its role.
Your heart, the nerve, the feeling of the part,
When she goes for this now its the culinary art.
She tears you and smears you up and down the wall,
Until now you know you have no feeling at all.
Right when she hits that spot, you calm and subdue,
'Cut off my arms, I'll still find a way to hold you.'
We think this way just like night and day,
But your mind and heart together will find a way..
Dylan Patrick O'Leary
Friday, February 10, 2006 11:51:53 AM
They asked me if I kissed you.
I told them yes.
They asked if I regretted it.
I told them no.
They asked me if I regretted falling for you.
I told them no.
They asked me how I could have ever liked you.
I don't regret any of my feelings or things I did with him, because when I look at him I see something different than what everyone else can see. When I'm with him, I feel a feeling that no one or being anywhere else can give me. When I kissed him, my world around me melted. When he held me in his arms and rested his head on mine, I forgot everything but my world that was holding me. Even though all of you may see something in him that is so horrible, all I see is all the positive, and special moments that he ever shared with me...
The only thing that I regret is listening to everyone else, because if I had listened to my heart, I would still have him by my side. He would still be just a phone call away. But now, he's just a phone call away for someone else...
Friday, February 10, 2006 11:50:38 AM
Absent in body, but present in spirit.
He who allows himself to be insulted, deserves to be.
The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Repetition is the death of art.
A. F. Shaw
I am loving before I am patriotic: I am human before I am American.
Evil is always possible. Goodness is a difficulty.
Thursday, February 9, 2006 1:29:46 PM
Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day,
But try to hide it in every possible way.
He's only a friend, and nothing else--
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying he's just a bud,
But deep inside, you're falling in love.
You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,
But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare,
But you pretned that you don't care.
It's "not right" for you two to be.
Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend?
Keep lying that he's just a friend?
Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
So being his girl is an impossible wish...
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Thursday, February 9, 2006 1:28:26 PM
1. Men are like ...Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like .Bananas ...The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ..Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ..Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .. Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .. Commercials... You can't believe all they say.
7. Men are like . Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ...Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ..Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ..Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how ma ny inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .. Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ...Parking Spots .. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Thursday, February 9, 2006 1:27:33 PM
One repays a teacher badly if one only remains a pupil.
There are, in every age, new errors to be rectified and new prejudices to be opposed.
Wernher von Braun
I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution.
I love my kids, but I wouldn't want them for friends.
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat.
To revive sorrow is cruel.
Wednesday, February 8, 2006 4:43:49 PM
Sifting through the memories
of a life I lived before
remembering all the sorrow
the lives I took and more
So many sleepless nights
trying to make it one more day
for God, Country, and Freedom
an honored price to pay
Vapor trails from the muzzle
brain matter on a wall
the power to stop ones heart
only God should make that call
600 meters away
with every exhale, I see your breath
I whispered "breathe deeply now"
its your last one before your death
Daniel J. Pippin
Wednesday, February 8, 2006 4:43:13 PM
I've placed my life in your hands
You own the key to my heart
Please open me slowly
I must warn you I'm often dark
Twelve demensions of my mind
with mirrored walls and shattered glass
you may lose your way now
its hard to stay on path
this abstract puzzle of my past
Leaning on my walls
will only make me bleed
a life sworn in silence
Im not that life you see
Don't reach for the light
you will only blind your eyes
if you search for files
they will only tell you lies
You cant tell my story
only I have lived my life
the agreement to remain silent
to live a life forever unknown
i take with me these sad stories
now cover me with that stone
Daniel J. Pippin
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