Skip's Home Studio.

It sure is windy today. I have just seen a small bird trying to fly backwards!

I am being given a portable amp so I can play my electro-acoustic badly even louder. No, it will help me to improve as it will highlight mistakes more. Plus the guitar has a graphic equaliser on it, so I can find out what it can do.

Not feeling too good today (it has been coming on this last couple of days) and so I must take things easy for a little while to stop it getting any worse again. It is a bind. But not to worry, I will be o.k.

Never forget that 'Love conquers all', for the Earth and for each other.

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE




(1)

Fine:

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2)

Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)

Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)

Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5)

Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6)

That's Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)

Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8)

Whatever:

Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9)

Don't worry about it, I'll do it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself.. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'


For the woman's response refer to # 3.

It is official, the icecaps will be gone in the Summer within the next ten years. The polar bears rely on the sea ice for hunting. Well done 'world' (not). At last the scientists are waking up to actual reality and there will be no white caps on the Earth at this time, just blue. The average temperatures are rising twice as fast as anywhere else. The largest single block of ice in the Artic, the Ward Hunt Ice Shelf, had been around for the past 3,000 years before it started cracking in 2000. Within two years it had split all of the way through and is now breaking into pieces. Not only are the polar bears effected but also the other wildlife there and the Inuits who's life relies on hunting. It can not be repaired, the damage has already been done.

We got complimentary tickets (received with gratitude) to attend the last show of the season at the Hippodrome Circus, last night. It really was a wonderful show and the only animals were human. We laughed and cheered throughout, as it was the performers' skills and efforts being shown. A magician got into an 'under-sized' round basket (like snake charmers tradionally use) and his assistant ran a few swords with the blades on fire through it. The basket caught gently alight from one of the swords and the act suddenly seemed to go into overdrive. The act finished with the flaming swords being removed and the magician pop out, sharpish and blew the fame out. Anyway, it was a really enjoyable show, from the start to the end.

It has been amazing gardening this week, with load of butterflies flying around me (very romantic, eh?). Anyway with lots of loverly butterflies comes lots of hungry caterpillars. It is a good thing there are plenty of nasturtiums that they are feeding on. Then along come the birds to feed on the caterpillars = hey, it's a jungle out there.
I had to get the lawnmower out today = I am helping to shave the planet.

My doctor said he was giving me pills that I will have to take one a day for the rest of my life. What worries me is, he only gave me 6!

My friend says she has swine flu, but I think she is telling porkies

You know when you have got swine flu when you wake up with an apple in your mouth and you come out in rashers. You may also have a temperature and be bacon.

I tried ringing the NHS direct but all I got was crackling.

Treatment includes an oinkment. However all cases to date have been mild, it’s really s’nowt to worry about.

Apologies if you are getting boared by all the hype of this current snoutbreak!

None of that Sissy Crap.


Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,

but never actually come close to reality?


Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.


You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-

Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.



1.

WHEN YOU ARE SAD

-- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the nasty git who made you sad.


2.

WHEN YOU ARE BLUE

-- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


3.

WHEN YOU SMILE

-- I will know you are plotting something that I want to be involved in.


4.

WHEN YOU ARE SCARED

-- I will tease you about it every chance I get.


5.

WHEN YOU ARE WORRIED

-- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6.

WHEN YOU ARE CONFUSED

-- I will use little, tiny words.

7.

WHEN YOU ARE SICK

-- Keep away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you hav

8.

WHEN YOU FALL

-- I will probably point at you and loudly laugh my head off..

9.

THIS IS MY OATH
... I pledge it to the end 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.



Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth.

Remember:


A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.


Let me know if I ever need me to bring a shovel...

....And I'm feeling fine. (R.E.M.).


So the 'world', that has been spending money that is not there, is now suffering a serious recession? Well, no suprises there. I have always blamed the 'Romans' with their 'have what we have' invasions.
Give me the natural life every time.

And the Earth is going through her natural cycle of change. So peoples' time here is extremely short and what are they doing with the time? Still fighting amongst themselves, killing each other, for what? All people on this Earth has the natural right to be here to enjoy natural happiness. Passing a smile is the very best use of our natural energy.

According to records and the Mayan calendar, there is a devastating universal event that is due around the Winter Solstice in 2012.

Love and Peace to All (please pass it on).

(This was written by a black gentleman in Texas).


When I was born, I was black.

When I grew up, I was black.

When I went in the sun, I stayed black.

When I got cold, I was black.

When I was scared, I was black.

When I was sick, I was black.

And when I die, I will still be black.



NOW, you 'white' folks....

When you are born, you are pink.

When you grow up, you are white.

When you go in the sun, you get red.

When you are cold, you turn blue.

When you are scared, you are yellow.

When you get sick, you are green.

When you bruise, you turn purple.

And when you die, you look gray.


So who y'all calling COLOURED?

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one.



Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."



Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"



Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"



An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"



Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."



Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.