Purple Realm

I'm currently:
..Achy from exercising. I won't be able to do my usual routines for a week or two after surgery on Friday, so I'm using this week to get loads in.
..Tired from oversleeping. Depression's hit me like a punch to the head and I often find myself either heading for the scissors or the bed, so I opt for the bed.
..Angry at someone for purposely bullying me because they can. Don't you hate passive-aggressivists? I suppose we're all guilty of it from time to time, but this one particular person just keeps on winding me up and making me feel bad about myself. Most of all, making me feel weak. And I HATE feeling weak, as I feel that way so often without outside influence anyway. Of course, I never stick up for myself.
..Very unsure. But that's pretty much the usual with me.

So, come Papa's birthday, it's off to hospital I go. Mik phoned up to confirm my surgery date and spoke to a helpful nurse who assured him it would be most likely that he'll be able to accompany and wait with me in our own little area that they have a few of for patients who have carers. Hopefully that will be the case. Hearing it's 99% probable has eased quite a bit of my anxiety.
The day before, I'm eating extra I'ma eat really well, exercise really well and take a bedtime sedative with either hot cocoa or warm milk and honey, cause I'm up at 5:30am on surgery day

When I was amid my last breakdown and found that lump in my breast, I had been entirely housebound for a year or so, and I was so very brave to go to two biopsies. As my reward I got to have a good lunch and also a little cat toy that made me smile. This time, there'll be nutritional milkshakes for a couple of days and my reward may just be a pair of these:

Which I found on a MEGA sale recently and would be very fortunate to get before they disappear. It's not often I love a product so much I can't stop returning to its' webpage, so perhaps, along with having been brave, that'll override the guilt of buying them? No, I will still feel bad, I always do but we'll see.

I'm a bit... Odd with people at the minute. I've kinda lost what little touch I had for interaction. My conversation with Papa this evening was more awkward than usual. It's taking me a lot longer to find words to convey what I actually mean and I'm finding it very difficult to sort of... well, talk. Blogs are handy, because you can kinda talk to everyone at once without needing to be appropriate. You know? It's almost like talking to myself, but with the added thing that other people will tell you if you're talking nonsense and perhaps even give some helpful input or even just make you laugh for a moment.

Well, I'm going now, I've gone and given myself a slight panic attack over something inconsequential and I can't concentrate anymore. SOrry if I'm being terse or anything lately btw.