Purple Realm

I've let things slide, due to my own laziness, and have been adding certain people back on a trial basis rather than explaining every time that I don't add until I feel there's an actual friendship. This ends now, because it's not working out for me. Just letting you all know I'll be clearing out my friend list this week. My friend list is for actual friends, and nobody else. Personal messages will not be sent to those due for removal. Consider this post your little heads-up.

Ok, so I've taken a bit of a break, and weighed things in my head.

How long have I been here? It's almost two years, right?

A lot has happened. Friends have been made, some lost, some just... Away. Enemies have also been made and I'm not gonna lie - being here has not been completely beneficial.

I'm sure that, by now, some people are snorting with derision - so do it. Your problem.

The fact of the matter is this - because of my nature I've had to take time to seriously weigh things up. I do this a lot, but recently it's been about my life here.

A lot of the time, this place makes me feel sick. It's the little things that drive straight to the buttons within - and the most important thing is my home life. It's affected ever so easily, because of my nature. Things play on me and they don't leave. I have to do what's best.

To be very honest, I find it difficult to be here frequently. It may sound pathetic, but if you don't know why, then go on with your assumptions. I'm sick of explaining things that are so very embarrassing and shameful to me.

But, I digress...

This is how it is: we've all lost people we love in the past 2 years. Some of them only in our offline world, and many here on Opera.

I have seen (and witnessed first-hand) the hurt that this causes, and, not to sound egotistical, I know one or two people are rather invested in me emotionally. Heaven knows why. And I in them.

Put simply - I can't hurt anyone, and I can't lose anyone else. What I will do is just appear sporadically. Things get to me, so fucking what. Cash in while you're ahead if you can't deal with it. I wouldn't blame you - I know how difficult it is to care about someone so... So... Well, so difficult and emotional.

There isn't a day that passes without my hatred and guilt, that sick feeling in my stomach, knowing I've upset someone by being what I so desperately wish not to. And I'm not making excuses, this is the way it is. Perhaps penance for what I was. Why should other people have to pay too?

I'm sick of what I've become, that's no secret.

This thing has become my fucking personality, and yeah, I'm very annoying and confused. But that's the me you know, right?

Eh. Well, I'm surely going to regret this post later on.

No change there then.

I'd give out hugs if anyone could fit between all the emotional baggage .

Did this post even make any sense?
Do I care?

...only time will tell.

Kimmie.

I figured it was time to get outta me misery, so I had a nice huge glass of Southern Comfort and Diet Coke, and now I'm on another. Gotta be careful. Retard pills "increases the effects of alcohol" .

But, yeah. All me presents have been opened by yesterday. Suffice to say that my Grum has spoiled me - In November she bought me a supersoft bathrobe and gorgeous 50's inspired Hello Kitty Pyjamas, and yesterday she gave me a package containing a black wool hat she knitted for me, (I love it, she knitted me one last year and I lost it, I love this one better) a set of Organic Fairtrade spices in jars that I was coveting, and a box of my most favourite chocolates (I'm a picky eater, especially with boxed chocolates. Most I don't like.) which brought an annoyed scowl at the extra expense she went through, and a big grin because she loves me so much she's always buying me stuff.

Dad brought my Guitar Hero 3, which I love love love, and my birthday present which he wanted me to open then and there to see if I really liked it or not - I do. I'm in love with it completely, even though it's something that's not something I would usually like. It's a bangle watch and it's gorgeous. Will post a photo of it at some point.

My stepmother's mother even bought us some silicone muffin trays which are way better than the ones I bought!

Mik bought me a purple t-shirt which is real soft, fits like a dream, and I love it, and also a PunkyFish hair set with things in, my favourites are a headband and some really cute hair grips.

Spoiled!!

At least there will be no presents tomorrow, like I planned, but I got so much stuff that suits me so I'm really fucking chuffed. Got some thank-you cards to send.

Well, I leave you with this ramble because I need to urinate. Then I shall dine on a tuna salad and more alcohol. Woo. I'm not so miserable anymore.

Have a merry fucking Christmas, bitches! .

Kim-bop-a-loo-bop-a-waaa

I apologise once more for my sporadic posting. You know, I have planned to be a daily poster, but until I get my computer up I don't see it happening. It's hard to organise weekly stuff, upload images and everything from a phone. It irritates me no end, and it's expensive! So, for now, while my head is particularly full, you will get more life stuff. Sorry.

So, okay, I'll tell you what I've done in the last two days.

Yesterday we got rudely awoken by my alarm - we had to get up to go visit Grum, I like to go early - and braved the freezing cold and the smelly bus to get there.
Once we got to her village, we walked to Asda, as we agreed to meet her there. Once we met, Mik left for Grum's house and left me with her to do some shopping.

We do this a lot - she is the only other person I trust enough to be out with - and it was good. We chatted about a lot of stuff as we picked out groceries. I had brought her some muffins (two ginger and sultana, (a new concoction,) and one lemon and sultana) so when we got back to her house we put some food in the oven and chatted some more.

She's upset about something lately that I'm quite angry about. It's to do with what happened a couple months ago, and how people are behaving. I got really mad and tried to give my opinion to help. She agreed and so what will be will be. I just hope it ends soon because people I really care about are getting hurt at a time that is both special and difficult, (this year anyway) it's the last thing they need. *sighs*

Anyway she was showing me a Christmas parcel she was putting together for my uncle's kids, and all the other things she'd bought for people's Christmas, and I said, "oh, what is in that bag?" and so she stood in front of it and yelled, "NEVER YOU MIND!!!" to which I retorted, "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE! YOU ALREADY GAVE ME MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!" which she followed up with, "YOU STILL HAVE A BIRTHDAY!!!"

This went on for a while, and she revealed that she still wishes to give me a very small gift for Christmas day. I told her no, and that we agreed that the present I already got from her was for both Christmas and my birthday, and she waved me away and that was that.

Suki was the most pregnant I've ever seen her, fit to burst! And Poppy... Ah, she's a terror, she really is.

Anyway we went home (almost becoming roadkill after a maniac drove through a red light on a crossing as we were in the road) me emotionally exhausted from a bunch of stuff I don't want to talk about, and that was that.

Got a text this morning - Suki had four kittens during the night. When I enquired as to how she was so damn big, then, I got the reply, "Loads of water came out during the birth. Must've been that." to which I replied, "Gross."

Pretty lazy day today. Watched That 70's Show, got a few things from the shop, did some housework... And some other thing I did today... I really surprised myself, shocked myself, even... I'm proud, gobsmacked and TOTALLY ashamed. Hahaha. I can't fucking talk about it, man. Dunno what happened!! Let's just say I did something totally unlike me. But it's a good thing, I think.
.

In short:
Shopped with Grum
Argued with Grum's annoying generosity
Suki had her kittens
Family's having... Issues...
Amazed myself today.