Monday, 14. July 2008, 09:34:44
silly, random weekly crapola
Today -
1. A word used to say, "this day".
2. "I think I want to do this today" - phrase guaranteed to ensure that whatever it is I am planning will not happen, through unforseen/even expected circumstance. My hopes still rise up even though, statistically, that is a pointless thing to do.
3. "It's a lovely day today" - certain to turn a lovely cloudy day into sunny hell.
4. "I'm going to do this today" - read, I will forget for a time until I suddenly remember, then forget again several times, until a friend kindly points things out in a gentle manner, which I will get a little pissy about even though I know it's my fault, I just hate that I'm in the wrong.
Thursday, 10. July 2008, 15:37:50
silly, random weekly crapola
Compote -
1. Strange colourful goo that looks like snot/menstrual fluid which makes you feel queasy, but is, in fact, a delicious mushed fruit thingy.
2. Basically jam before it's cooled down, made more watery.
3. Word that stores such as Marks And Spencers attach to anything of the sort in an effort to appear high-class and sophisticated, when actually it is not far from the word, "compost" , bringing to mind animal excrement that organic food lovers devour without a second thought.
Thursday, 10. July 2008, 09:57:05
silly
Kimtionary - derived of the word, "Dictionary", sounding less rude than the latter word. Meaning is a mixture of words, "Kimmie", "Dictionary" and "Fictional".
Words and meanings in the Kimtionary are personalised, more in layman's terms, and usually a lot more interesting than Dictionary or Thesaurus definitions.
I will, weekly, (read, "whenever I feel like it/remember") give you one word and its definition from the Kimtionary. Why? I have my reasons. Fine, I'm bored. Happy?
Just a note - there are no such terms as, "adjective" "noun" "verb" or their kin in the Kimtionary. As time passes, you will see the wisdom in this.
Knowledge is power, so start paying attention, dumbasses.
Thursday, 19. June 2008, 07:50:36
story, silly
Despite my tinkering with it, this story didn't turn out quite like I wanted.
Cities are cruel, this, everybody knows. But I have one tale of a dark, dark place... A tale you'll not forget. And it serves as a warning...
It was raining. Cold, bitter drops of water pelting down on me relentlessly as I ambled through the busy streets. The crowds were grey, blurry. I, the only one in my world, as always. Walking briskly along a sidestreet, I glanced halfheartedly at the goods displayed in the spattered windows at speed, nothing of interest as usual...
A dress here, smoking peripherals there, a selection of playthings for infants in one window, and in stark contrast, a collection of adult novelties in the next. Useless sights unworthy of attention, but I can recall them nonetheless.
My interests are mainly literature. Particularly factual macabre - what can I say? I find the subject matter rather fascinating and devour anything within the genre greedily, always insatiable, eager for knowledge. To contemplate the mindsets of the individuals immortalised.
You have to know that the skies were dark, and I'm led easily into bookstores...
The next window proffered a large array of books, and a small sign indicating price-cuts of a sort, so of course, I was interested. You've got to understand... I... I wasn't to know!
As I stepped through the door, the little metal bell above it tinkling to alert the shopkeep, I should have recognised the first sign. I don't know what possessed me. You have to know...!! The awful sounds resonating from a box to my upper-left... I should have turned my back and vacated the place. In my foolish youth, I ignored them. How naive!
My next clue that something was wrong were the bright, eye-searing lights. They looked like books of sorts, but I knew they could not be. So bright, so painful, and yet still I remained seduced by the chance of reading! Like a fool, I carried on...
They were all gazing pure beams of hatred into my eyes. I was not one of them, and they knew it. They all just stood there, all staring at me. They didn't even blink... I then noticed the attire of the persons in the building... All in pastel colours, cardigans and corderouy... And still I stayed. These blatant signs and I disregarded all of them... How I wish I could undo what I've done...
Finally, I happened upon the grotesque, plastic idols on display. Their gazes bored into my very soul, judging, cursing me... And they stay with me to this day...
This was the final sight. It was what it took for me to gather my senses and flee...
I can still see their faces... The strange clothing, the colours... Those little idols that bore strange promises... Oh, the sounds... Relentless, wailing, screeching at such pitch...
Over, and over and OVER, AGAIN, RELENTLESS, NEVERENDING!! THE HORROR!!! IT HAUNTS MY SANITY.... Like the creepy tinkling of a music box... Chanting in my head, eternally -
"Jesus and you, Jesus is your best friend. Jesus loves you. You are so special..."
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Screw this! I'm going back to my old job as a Windows developer!
(c) Kimmie 2008
Wednesday, 18. June 2008, 14:49:17
life in general, silly
The government wants to warn us on the dangers of certain substances. They're not very thorough, and they're fairly hypocritical too - since the products that carry the warnings have huge amounts of taxes that go, you guessed it - to the lovely people working for the British government.
That's probably why they won't incorporate warning labels on such harmful things as McDonalds - they'll not gain money, but a hasty lawsuit. They've decided that pubs will be allowed to sell alcohol at all hours, encouraging drinking at any time. They're doing nothing about the sharp incline in the amount of pre-teens that drink themselves into a stupor, yet they're oh-so-worried about the dangers of cigarettes?
I'm not saying I don't like the ban on public smoking - I support it. As a smoker. It's harmful, definately.
Anyway, the warnings don't work. They actually spur rebellious teens further! So I've come up with a solution...
At least it'll stop the emo kids, right?
Saturday, 31. May 2008, 15:12:08
silly, random weekly crapola
Probably one of my favourite words in the whole world. This word can convey any emotion - surprise, anger, joy, sadness, discontentment, ambivalence, even... Think of any situation in life, and this word can be appropriate...
- Just got a raise?
- Someone ran your cat over?
- Found out your lover's the biggest whore in the universe?
- Want to end your life?
- Someone took your parking spot?
- Having amazing sex?
- In the midst of your eleventh multiple orgasm?
- Someone broke your favourite thing?
- Spilt some milk?
HERE IS YOUR ANSWER:
- FUCK! FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!
...and that, dear readers, is this week's word.
Thursday, 24. April 2008, 21:41:02
silly, tv
Mitchell and Webb, stars of British cult show Peep Show, they're really funny. Not so much in Peep Show, but their sketch show called That Mitchell And Webb Look is really funny. Of course, some of the sketches are rubbish, but that's sketch shows anyway. Can't please everybody.
Anyway, series 2 is out soon, and I've been craving my fix so I've downloaded a bunch of stuff from TinyTube and YouTube, using my emTube application. I have the DVD of season 1 but I like snippets of the stuff I like in portable form.
Anyway, this is the proper toilet etiquette for when you're staying overnight at someone else's house:
If you need the toilet in the middle of the night, you may wonder if it's a good idea to flush afterwards or not. Will the sound wake everyone? Will them seeing contents of your bladder cause embarrassment in the morning?
Well, you don't need to flush, unless it's a poo. ONLY FLUSH IF IT IS A POO! If you do a poo, you MUST flush, then immediately call out, "it was a poo, it was a poo!" So now you know!
.
Oh, and go type "Mitchell and Webb green clarinet" into YouTube search bar. Watch the vid, the ending's hilarious.
Friday, 18. April 2008, 18:54:56
rants, useless trivia, silly, random weekly crapola
Again, a bit different from my usual quote bit. This time we shall take a look at the evidence, and bring the quoted to Kimmie Jury. Read on. It won't take you very long to realize who the person under my investigation is, that's for sure. Probably the most moronic person on the planet, I'll wager. Read on. You'll laugh. You'll slap your forehead in cringeworthy shame. If you're like me - one who does not suffer fools gladly - your blood will boil. Well, don't say I didn't warn you...
"Do you have blacks, too?" - said to Fernando Cardoso (Brazilian President) in 2001
"If the terriers and bariffs are torn down this economy will grow."
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
"I think war is a dangerous place."
"I recently met with the finance minister of the Palestinian Authority, was very impressed by his grasp of finances."
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." - Speaking at the President's Economic Forum in 2002.
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."
"I know how hard it is to put food on your family."
"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."
"Home is important. It's important to have a home."
"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."
"Let me make it clear that poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
"I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well."
"They misunderestimated me."
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
"Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech." - to Pope Benedict, three days ago.
"I don't particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it."
"All of us in America want there to be fairness when it comes to justice."
"The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th."
"Information is moving - you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the Blogosphere and through the Internets."
And finally:
"I heard somebody say, "Where's Mandela?" Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all of the Mandelas." - speaking of Nelson Mandela last September.
Believe me, there are ten times this many idiotic quotes on the guy, I just can't handle reading and typing any more...
VERDICT - George Bush, you are STUPID! It is said that your IQ is 125 - I think they forgot the decimal point when writing that down, mate. You are five bob short of a ten-queer note, you are the turd in the hamper, you are THICK! You are the Hole In The Ring, goodbye!
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