Purple Realm

And yes, as ever, things are complicated. But quite honestly, we can all say that about our lives at any given moment.
My huge battles with debilitating panic are, for now, pretty much over. I'm getting the residual loveliness of dizziness, derealisation and depersonalisation, skipped heartbeats and such and the odd panic ranging on the scale, but the day-to-day terror and severe agoraphobia have gone. What has replaced that is the standard depression that lurks as ever (not a problem in itself really, everyone's used to that and it doesn't hamper our day-to-day shit as much as the mega-panic) and, unfortunately, the anger issues I've been doing well(ish) with in the past are causing... a lot of trouble. More than when they first came to a head, so to speak.
I've never had a good temper, of course, but things between me and certain people have been strained to almost breaking point too many times and there's only so much of that anyone can take. I know I have a real issue with self control when it comes to issues of the mind and I'm willing to work on them. As ever. Even though it seems like a futile little roundabout, but ho hum

Mmmm.
Oh, one of my sisters had to go for a sudden appendectomy last Saturday, bless her. We had her over here for three nights the following week to make it easier for her to recover (she was at home alone, upstairs, finding it hard to move and stuff in the day) so that was cool. Stressful as it is having someone else around (which seems really fucking stupid, especially considering just how well we get along) it totally exhausted me afterwards but it was worth it. She's doing well.

Did I tell you Mum's moving out of her home this year, and into my favourite aunt's house? I'm not sure I did. It's overdue. She can't be by herself any more and I can't be there enough to pick up the slack. Maybe with a car and license, I could. Living close, sure. But in the end she'd still have to move in with someone else, somewhere else. And honestly she can't rely on me. I was totally out of play for a year and a half for my last breakdown, for fuck's sake.

I love my family but also resent them, and I shouldn't. I resent them for a fault of my own; I cannot confide in them like they do in me. I am there for them in 90% motherly role. Especially my parents. Which is... Odd. It's my fault and I hate them for it, sometimes.

I pretty much detest everyone I love at some point and could happily knife them in the face. Don't worry, I wouldn't actually do it, and yes, I know that's not something I should feel. Again, aware and working. Always fucking working and being made to feel like the laziest of the lazy, sometimes.

Hmm. Feeling sorry for oneself is not attractive, nor is it productive.
I need that phone call this week. I don't like how I feel. I don't think it's ever so major: I need my meds upped a little and I can work again.

And I resent that too. Why the fuck do I have to work away to strive not to make myslef and those around me miserable? Why are those who love me punished for that?

Eh, shut up, self.

Oh, I totally sliced my thumb making bread and butter pudding today I'm a major klutz. I also have some kind of tumour or cyst from that thorn injury, deep under my skin. It hurts

Baaaahhhhh. Moan, moan, moan.

Here, have a collection of my favourite recent LOLs to make amends.





Finally...
(Even though it's "whimsical")

They say that we learn something new every day.
But what happens if, one day, you awake, and there's nothing to be learned?
Who will teach you?
Who will show you the way?
In the name of all that is good and decent in this world of sickness and streets paved with goo, just who shall lift you up into a cloud of smoggy green knowledge?! Who will stick you your dose of needed randomosity? WHO?!
Fear not, citizens, for Kimmie shall provide for one whole day, twelve times a year!

September's Fact:

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube...

And a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?

Mik.

What is your weapon of choice?

Knuckledusters seem good to me.

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?

Yep.

How about the same sex?

Sure.

Who was the last person who got really angry at you?

Mik.

What is your pet peeve?

Just a peeve? I don't suffer fools at all, never mind gladly.

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?

A little of both. Depends on the exact situation.


Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't?

I've been a little lax with my yoga lately.

What is the latest you've ever woken up?

Probably about 10pm.

Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?

So many, actually. I just keep forgetting or can't think of what to say.

What is the last lame excuse that you made?

Can't remember. I make a lot when I don't know how to leave a conversation.

Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?

No, they bore me.

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?

None, my internal alarm clock got me up.


Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?

I don't really have one.

Are you a meat eater?

Not particularly. I eat small amounts of chicken, sometimes I'll eat red meat but very occasionally.

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?

Um, that'd be about 4 litres of Vodka on Christmas Eve, 2002. Not going into an explanation.

Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?

Yes and no.

Do you enjoy candy and sweets?

Sometimes.

Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?

What kind of a question is this? Variety is the spice of life, you know. Sometimes I'm in the mood for one thing, sometimes another.

Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?

No.


Greed
How many credit cards do you own?

None. I know I'm too irresponsible.

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

First I'd help out my family. Then I'd set up mine and Mik's future financially.

Would you rather be rich or famous?

Rich. I don't like the limelight.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?

Definately not. There's more to life than money.


Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of?

Overcoming the nervous breakdown I had three years ago.

What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?

I think it's the same thing. I know they're proud of my efforts and my morals.

What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?

I don't really have any goals. I know - I'm gonna be a scary mad old lady that talks to shopping items.

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?

Not at all.

Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?

Not to my recollection, no.

Have you ever cheated to get a better score?

Nope.

What did you do today that you're proud of?

Nothing. Well, maybe I'm a little proud of something but I'm not gonna share.


Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?

Er, two. LOL.

Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your opposite sex during a normal conversation?

No.

What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?

Eyes. Yeah, definately the eyes.

Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?

No!


Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?

I don't really do the "covet" thing much... But, I do want Mart's new phone...

Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?

Piss off.

If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?

*shrugs*

Have you ever been cheated on?

Yep.

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?

Pick a body part.

What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
Patience, self-esteem, bravery, blah blah blah...