Purple Realm

Facial Cosmetics For Dinguses

Monday, April 28, 2008 9:50:40 AM

,

(I would use "for Dummies" but I'm not gettin my ass sued) Jodie Marshes of the world, pay attention! (Actually, I gotta give a little kudos to the woman, she quite happily took the piss outta herself for a whole "make up like Jodie Marsh" lesson in a Heat magazine annual, it was actually very good sported of her to do so) . 1. Knowing your skin type. This is important, because you need to treat it accordingly. Mine is a mix of oily and dry, which can usually be treated by products marked for "combination" skin. Unfortunately, my skin is also sensitive, so I need to be careful about what I use.

2. Facial Hygiene.

a) It is important to wash your face regularly, but I'd stay away from normal soaps and shower gels. Use a proper facewash, or if you'd rather not, just use water. And don't overdo it or you'll dry out your skin. Once or twice a day is fine.
b) Whatever product you are using for your face - to start, just splashing the face with warm water is enough. It should open up your pores a bit. Then apply the product sparingly and gently, and rinse off with splashes of warm water. When you're done, splash with cool water as this will help close those pores. Pat your face dry, don't bloody rub it!
c) It is important to exfoliate but only use exfoliating products designed for the face! Anything else will likely do damage to the skin. And don't rub too hard! A gentle massaging action is just right. And exfoliating 3 times a week is plenty.
d) Toner after washing is a good thing, as it helps to clean your pores also. There are many types of toner, it doesn't really matter what you use, as long as it suits your skin. It should be applied to a cotton wool pad, and then the pad can be gently swept over your skin.
e) Don't ever go to bed with makeup on. It'll wreck your skin. Either get yourself a makeup remover solution, or use baby wipes to take it off. I use both, and still end up with mascara remnants under my eyes in the morning... And don't scrub at it! Gentle, sweeping motions are the key.

3. Moisturizer.
Whatever your skin type, it's a good thing. If it's oily, I'd say once a day is fine. If it's dry, 2-3 times a day. It's really relative to the individual. The best all-rounder I've found is by Biore. Their Pore Perfect range is pretty good, and affordable.

4. Plucking.

a) Eyebrows. Now, you really gotta be careful here. Too many people overpluck their brows until they're pencil thin. BAD! So many people I've seen completely brow-free, with a fake eyebrow pencilled on. BAD! If you've got hair growing in the middle, by all means do pluck it out, and if you want to shrink or reshape brows, you have three options - get it done professionally, buy an eyebrow stencil, or just do it by hand. Don't make them too short or too thin. Personally, I just pluck the middle bit if it needs it and then leave them alone - I prefer natural brows. When plucking remember to ice down the skin to minimize pain, and use sterilized tweezers.
b) Odd dark hairs around the mouth and chin. Sometimes people get them. Some do, some don't. Some are unfortunate enough to have a moustache. I don't suffer with these, personally. Either pluck them out or you can bleach them or use a removal cream. If you're using a removal cream or bleach, make sure it has specifically been designed for facial use. Hell, you could even get it removed with lasers these days if you have the cash.

5. Spots.

We've all had them at one time or another, it's just life. Stop touching them. Your fingers have germs on them, and also natural oils that will not help your face. By touching your face a lot, you will stimulate the oils in your facial skin, too, so just stop it! There's many ways to go about spots and unfortunately different things work for different people.
a) Tea tree. Tea tree oil is effective in that it dries out the skin you apply it to. It can sting something shocking, but it's a pretty effective treatment of shrinking spots.
b) Clearasil and other brands of spot treatment. Again, whatever works for you. It depends on your skin type, it depends on the nature of your spots. You gotta try things out.
c) Toothpaste. It's become rather a common thing to blitz spots with a direct dab of toothpaste before bed. Personally I don't like it - it is hell to remove in the morning and it dries out my skin so much it leaves a huge scab. But it does seem to kill the root of the thing.
d) If you gotta pick, for heaven's sake, don't be stupid. Use sterile tweezers, and if it starts to bleed, stop. It doesn't matter whether or not you got it, because if you carry on you'll scab and scar. That's just stupid. Leave it alone, it'll go away. Okay?

6. Foundation and concealer.

Some people use it, others don't. A lot of people who use it don't actually need to. A lot of people apply too much.

There's liquid, powder and mousse forms of foundation. And a lot of people forget that it. Will. Clog. Your. Pores! a) Tone matching. When you're shopping for foundation or concealer, don't apply the tester to your hand, for goodness sake. The skin tone on your hand will more than likely differ from the tone of your face, so apply it there and see if it matches. You do need to find the closest match to your own tone as possible. b) With the liquid forms, don't just apply it to your face, stupid! Put a little moisturizer in the palm of your hand, and then add a little squirt or dab of foundation to the mix, and mix it together. About 3 parts moisturizer to 1 part foundation is fine. You then want to apply this mix to your face, ears, neck and hairline, evenly, rubbing it all in gently. This way it's subtle and will not leave you with lines of colour. c) Concealer. If for spots - Make sure you buy one with tea tree in it! Apply concealer to blemishes or spots directly, and rub it in just a little bit, so it's not so obvious you've just dabbed a skin-toned makeup stick all over your fucking head. d) Powder. Now, on the rare occasions that I wear foundation, I will apply liquid/moisturizer and then a little translucent powder to prevent a shiny face. As with the liquid, you need to apply it evenly and thinly to your face, ears, neck and hairline. Use a brush to do so, and I usually smooth with my hands after that as well. 7. Eyeshadow.
Now, you have many ways to go about eyeshadow, depending on what "look" you go for. Well, this lesson is about understated. The classic way of eyeshadow is to sweep a colour over your eyelid, and sweep a slightly darker one above that, in the space between the actual lid and brow. You don't put colour on that entire space, though! I'll just explain how I do mine, as an example.
I sweep an extremely light beige, so light it is closer to a washed out peach colour, over my eyelid, and a small line under the browline. I then take a light brown (Quite a few shades darker than the beige) and sweep it over the gap between the light beige. Then, I take a small, soft brush and blend it slightly, always blending the lighter shade into the dark shaded area.
There are many different ways to apply eyeshadow, and really you need to experiment with both colour and technique until you've found something that suits you.

8. Eyeliner.

Here, you have two choices - kohl and liquid. Kohl is pencil, liquid is... Liquid. For both it is pretty much the same thing - the easiest way is to stretch the eyelid by placing a finger on the outer corner of the eye and pulling a little so that the eyelid stretches taut. All you have to do is draw a line along the lashes. Some people are better at it when they draw slowly. Personally, I'm better when I do a quick line.
(a) Kohl. The thing about kohl is, it prints. You may find a black line printed above your eyelid later on, so buy a kohl pencil with a smudging tip at the other end, if you can.
(b)Liquid. Liquid will not print once it's dry, but people tend to struggle with it, including me. Well, it's easy for me now, because I draw a faint line with kohl first, so I can easily trace the line with liquid. Of course, you need to let the liquid dry before you move your face too much.
(c) It is best to not line everywhere. It will make your eyes look very small if you line the upper and lower eyelid, and the inner lower eyelid. I tend to line the upper one, and about an inch of the lower eyelid, joining up at the outside edge of the eye.

9. Mascara.

Mascara is easy. Again, it's up to you with what look you want, so try whatever you wish. The easiest way to apply it is to hold the wand just below your upper lashes and blink them onto the wand. To avoid clumps do one coat of mascara at a time - left eye, one coat, right eye, one coat, and so on until you've got as much as you want on there.

10. Lipstick.

You don't wanna end up looking like Eminem's ex-missus, do you? So... when lining, only go one shade darker than your chosen lipstick. You wanna line on the inner side of the lips if you know what I mean - don't just draw a big circle on the outside of your actual lips, you've gotta draw ON the lips at their outermost edge. Then, apply lipstick normally and blot once on tissue paper or whatever by opening your mouth and closing it gently over the paper.


...okay I'm bored now. This post really serves no purpose but I'm sick of seeing people from teenaged to damn well should know better older people walking around like a five year old has been let loose at their faces with twenty different cosmetics. Seriously, they're walking around with orange faces and slaglines, their actual dermis about 3 centimetres underneath what we're seeing as their face, which is actually handfuls of badly-chosen and stupidly applied base. Aaaargh do they not see it?!
*leaves for the Angrydome*

When life gets you down, Mrs Brown...To know a feline...

Comments

Mizz MartínezMizzMartinez Monday, April 28, 2008 9:55:07 AM

Wow, this advices will definitely help me out! smile

Dark FurieFurie Monday, April 28, 2008 9:57:35 AM

You wouldn't believe how much that Angrydome cost us. And she's gonna want another one when we move. *mutters away to self*

Mizz MartínezMizzMartinez Monday, April 28, 2008 10:01:32 AM

rolleyes The things some people do for love (mutter to themselves for example!) p

Attila attilasoul Monday, April 28, 2008 10:35:48 AM

I can't even imagine how much time you spent on writing this post! smile

Dacotah Monday, April 28, 2008 10:45:40 AM

Good post Kimmie. smile

Spaggyj Monday, April 28, 2008 12:23:38 PM

Off and on, about 10 hours. I know it's pretty fucking useless really but it was something to do lol . I don't know anyone that needs help with this here, because they're all damn pretty

r♡serose-marie Monday, April 28, 2008 12:52:24 PM

Excellent post! It's almost like you've written it for me... Thank you happy

Spaggyj Monday, April 28, 2008 12:56:45 PM

You don't need help with anything but eyeliner, and only because you said you have trouble with it p you don't even need makeup!

Darkogdare Monday, April 28, 2008 2:11:31 PM

*girly post*
p

Allangieallangie Monday, April 28, 2008 3:07:04 PM

I'm a make-up and cosmetics junkee faint I should've written this post p lol

Spaggyj Monday, April 28, 2008 4:04:21 PM

I'm sure you could write it better, gorgeous yes

Spaggyj Monday, April 28, 2008 4:05:15 PM

Darko - will you be my Barbie for the day? *smiles sweetly*

Allangieallangie Monday, April 28, 2008 4:33:09 PM

Of course I wouldn NOT do it better bigeyes! But i can talk about it for ages, don't get me started lol zip

Spaggyj Monday, April 28, 2008 4:37:25 PM

Please go ahead lol

r♡serose-marie Monday, April 28, 2008 4:40:35 PM

I need help with more than eyeliner, but that is indeed the trickiest one...

Darko Barbie? Slap a Barbie on the barbie? lol

Darkogdare Monday, April 28, 2008 6:25:35 PM

NO irked
I want to be Ken whistle

Stomyr Monday, April 28, 2008 7:25:43 PM

Great - I'm gonna have nightmares of that woman - XD

Dark FurieFurie Monday, April 28, 2008 7:35:55 PM

Ken had no penis and got dumped for a toyboy. lol

Bad WolfCois Monday, April 28, 2008 7:42:34 PM

I'm not that much into the plucking or eye gunk stuff.. left

theoddbod Monday, April 28, 2008 9:27:44 PM

Am I the only who, when they hear the name 'Ken', immediately thinks "Streetfighter" ?

Dark FurieFurie Monday, April 28, 2008 11:25:23 PM

Yes. leftright Towards, down, down-towards and punch.

Sho-ryu-ken! headbang

theoddbod Tuesday, April 29, 2008 6:23:41 AM

down, down-away, away and kick

*goes spinning through the air whirling his leg*

left

Bad WolfCois Tuesday, April 29, 2008 9:23:46 AM

*unplugs game* damn geeks.. rolleyes

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 9:47:34 AM

You said it, wolfy. *grabs Darko while he's not looking, glues a blonde wig on him and forces his 6 foot 3 frame into a small pink glittery dress*

Darkogdare Tuesday, April 29, 2008 2:49:04 PM

no
*trying to escape then accidentaly takes a look at the mirror*
AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH...
faint

Attila attilasoul Tuesday, April 29, 2008 2:56:35 PM

Wow, you look... errr.... different, Darko! lol

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 3:30:57 PM

Now are you gonna be a good girl, Darko? Put these shoes on. *hands over a pair of matching pink glittery 8-inch stiletto heels* p

Allangieallangie Tuesday, April 29, 2008 3:42:04 PM

Why dress and not a bikini confused

KYrenKYren Tuesday, April 29, 2008 3:42:17 PM

bigsmile nice to see so many beautiful skin complexions at one place.
p I thought guys also have skin covering their body.

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 3:48:59 PM

Cause that's just a.... BETTER IDEA, ALLA! DARKO! C'MERE!

Kiran - yes, but men wouldn't really want to be a part of a makeup post lol

KYrenKYren Tuesday, April 29, 2008 3:59:41 PM

Pimple cure might help most of them. bigsmile

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 4:11:17 PM

Guys probably wouldn't apply stuff to their spots anyway, though... Right? left

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 4:11:38 PM

Guys probably wouldn't apply stuff to their spots anyway, though... Right? left

Allangieallangie Tuesday, April 29, 2008 4:15:29 PM

Yes, they wear them with pride!

KYrenKYren Tuesday, April 29, 2008 4:19:04 PM

:lol:Yeah,they want pimples to magnify their handsomeness.Specially those with severe acne problem.

Darkogdare Tuesday, April 29, 2008 5:02:17 PM

irked
Everybody wants to dress me in girly outfit bomb
I AM MAN!!!

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 5:28:58 PM

Not for today, Darko. SIT!!!! mad .... Awww, I can't do it... Be free, my pretty p

Yeah, I'm sure men love their acne and apply grease to it to increase it lol .

Darkogdare Tuesday, April 29, 2008 5:47:01 PM

*disappears*

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 6:22:25 PM

*watches Darko teeter away in his stilettos* this is the hardest part of parenting... Letting them go... love

Darkogdare Tuesday, April 29, 2008 7:16:05 PM

*teetering away, almost breaking ankle*
And I have told myself never to visit girly pages....
*shaking head, tossing high heels away*

Spaggyj Tuesday, April 29, 2008 8:42:19 PM

no don't leave my blog forever! cry

r♡serose-marie Tuesday, April 29, 2008 8:53:53 PM

Pretty in pink love

Bad WolfCois Tuesday, April 29, 2008 10:16:25 PM

Another Kerst is off to the ball.. awww

Darkogdare Wednesday, April 30, 2008 4:48:08 AM

I won`t if you promise not to dress me like this anymore. ANYMORE!!!

You can have it Rose. It is too small even for you p

You can have it too, Cois. I know you envy Kerst p

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, April 30, 2008 3:51:48 PM

Did you just call me fat confused

Attila attilasoul Wednesday, April 30, 2008 4:39:45 PM

My Rose is not fat! mad

Darkogdare Wednesday, April 30, 2008 6:40:20 PM

No I did not. I just have said this is too small p

Attila attilasoul Wednesday, April 30, 2008 6:51:55 PM

Bad Darko! irked

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, April 30, 2008 8:03:05 PM

lol Nice try for a save Darko. Oh, and I'm sure Kimmie can find you another outfit if you want up

Darkogdare Wednesday, April 30, 2008 8:25:57 PM

yikes
*runs*

1 2 Next »

Showing comments 1 - 50 of 51.

Write a comment

You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up.