Purple Realm

Ok, so I've taken a bit of a break, and weighed things in my head.

How long have I been here? It's almost two years, right?

A lot has happened. Friends have been made, some lost, some just... Away. Enemies have also been made and I'm not gonna lie - being here has not been completely beneficial.

I'm sure that, by now, some people are snorting with derision - so do it. Your problem.

The fact of the matter is this - because of my nature I've had to take time to seriously weigh things up. I do this a lot, but recently it's been about my life here.

A lot of the time, this place makes me feel sick. It's the little things that drive straight to the buttons within - and the most important thing is my home life. It's affected ever so easily, because of my nature. Things play on me and they don't leave. I have to do what's best.

To be very honest, I find it difficult to be here frequently. It may sound pathetic, but if you don't know why, then go on with your assumptions. I'm sick of explaining things that are so very embarrassing and shameful to me.

But, I digress...

This is how it is: we've all lost people we love in the past 2 years. Some of them only in our offline world, and many here on Opera.

I have seen (and witnessed first-hand) the hurt that this causes, and, not to sound egotistical, I know one or two people are rather invested in me emotionally. Heaven knows why. And I in them.

Put simply - I can't hurt anyone, and I can't lose anyone else. What I will do is just appear sporadically. Things get to me, so fucking what. Cash in while you're ahead if you can't deal with it. I wouldn't blame you - I know how difficult it is to care about someone so... So... Well, so difficult and emotional.

There isn't a day that passes without my hatred and guilt, that sick feeling in my stomach, knowing I've upset someone by being what I so desperately wish not to. And I'm not making excuses, this is the way it is. Perhaps penance for what I was. Why should other people have to pay too?

I'm sick of what I've become, that's no secret.

This thing has become my fucking personality, and yeah, I'm very annoying and confused. But that's the me you know, right?

Eh. Well, I'm surely going to regret this post later on.

No change there then.

I'd give out hugs if anyone could fit between all the emotional baggage .

Did this post even make any sense?
Do I care?

...only time will tell.

Kimmie.