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Decision Made (Probably)

Tuesday, 20. January 2009, 22:56:14

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Ok, so I've taken a bit of a break, and weighed things in my head.

How long have I been here? It's almost two years, right?

A lot has happened. Friends have been made, some lost, some just... Away. Enemies have also been made and I'm not gonna lie - being here has not been completely beneficial.

I'm sure that, by now, some people are snorting with derision - so do it. Your problem.

The fact of the matter is this - because of my nature I've had to take time to seriously weigh things up. I do this a lot, but recently it's been about my life here.

A lot of the time, this place makes me feel sick. It's the little things that drive straight to the buttons within - and the most important thing is my home life. It's affected ever so easily, because of my nature. Things play on me and they don't leave. I have to do what's best.

To be very honest, I find it difficult to be here frequently. It may sound pathetic, but if you don't know why, then go on with your assumptions. I'm sick of explaining things that are so very embarrassing and shameful to me.

But, I digress...

This is how it is: we've all lost people we love in the past 2 years. Some of them only in our offline world, and many here on Opera.

I have seen (and witnessed first-hand) the hurt that this causes, and, not to sound egotistical, I know one or two people are rather invested in me emotionally. Heaven knows why. And I in them.

Put simply - I can't hurt anyone, and I can't lose anyone else. What I will do is just appear sporadically. Things get to me, so fucking what. Cash in while you're ahead if you can't deal with it. I wouldn't blame you - I know how difficult it is to care about someone so... So... Well, so difficult and emotional.

There isn't a day that passes without my hatred and guilt, that sick feeling in my stomach, knowing I've upset someone by being what I so desperately wish not to. And I'm not making excuses, this is the way it is. Perhaps penance for what I was. Why should other people have to pay too?

I'm sick of what I've become, that's no secret.

This thing has become my fucking personality, and yeah, I'm very annoying and confused. But that's the me you know, right?

Eh. Well, I'm surely going to regret this post later on.

No change there then.

I'd give out hugs if anyone could fit between all the emotional baggage :rolleyes: .

Did this post even make any sense?
Do I care?

...only time will tell.

Kimmie.

Falling Out Of LoveSurvey I Took This Morning *shrug*

Comments

Carol 20. January 2009, 23:26

Yes the post makes sense.
*HUGS* Love you.

Cois 21. January 2009, 00:35

Personally i know how you feel but also this place has gotten to be a lifeline for me. Well kinda.
My head's kinda a muddle right now so i'll say something again later on :smile:

Dennis 21. January 2009, 00:41

Kim, come because you want to. Or because you miss me. Whatever. Even if you never come again know that I genuinely like you for YOU. Or the you that you are here. I don't know the string for big hugs.gif, but if you come around I'll be one of the first to great you with " *HUGS* if that'll suffice.
 And I hope Opera comes out with a Burberry skin, just for you. :left: :whistle: :heart:

Aadil 21. January 2009, 02:54

You're a wonderfull person. You care, that's why it hurts you so much. No I don't really understand what this post is about, but then I've got my own issues too. We all have. :up:

theoddbod 21. January 2009, 05:05

Well, after about five different attempts to write something coherent and sensible here, all i can think of is...
:sing: we'll meet again...

Darko 21. January 2009, 05:38

What all of them said. Come when and if you feel like coming. In one way or another, we will all be here. Or somewhere :D

Kitty 21. January 2009, 06:56

*goes to pm*

:heart:

Kiran 21. January 2009, 07:00

:heart: Hi Kim,I will miss you.

r♡se 21. January 2009, 07:42

I'm following Zap's example. :heart:

Kimmie 21. January 2009, 07:44

Carol - Love you too :heart: .

Clint - Don't worry about it, mate. You don't need to elaborate, I know how it is :up: .

Dennis - Haha, that's cute. In both senses of the word. awww :lol: .

Aadil - Thanks. And yeah, we all have 'em. Something we all share, eh? :left: .

Marthello - Five attempts? Ah, not necessary. Your little song is just "Mart" which is the kinda comment that makes me smile :smile: .

Dark - I know. I will! p: .

Kitty - Thanks. I got it :heart: .

Kiran - I won't leave forever, just take more breaks :D . I messaged you back about it :up: .

David Scott Aubrey 21. January 2009, 08:17

... lurker ...

:wink: :heart:

Carol 21. January 2009, 09:18

xXx

Moesring 21. January 2009, 09:21

:wishes he could think of something deep and profound to write:

I know how difficult it is to care about someone so... So... Well, so difficult and emotional.

I didn't know you cared about me, Kimmie. awww

Just kidding. This is about you anyway, not me. I'm just trying to steal the limelight again, even though I hate being the centre of attention. :o:

I may send a PM later, or maybe not. Depends on how I'm feeling (as ever). awww

In any case, glad to hear you aren't completely leaving us. :happy:
Like it or not, you are an important part of the community here. The uncertainty of not knowing what you were going to do re staying or going has spoilt the mood for at least one person who looks up to you very much. No, that person is not a flattery whore - at least, not at the moment. :yes::heart:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 10:19

*watches Zap and Rose carefully as they type PMs*
No trying to steal my babe again, you two. :mad:

Cois 21. January 2009, 10:25

Well as long as you show your twat face here then all is good :smile:

Kitty 21. January 2009, 11:29

Hush now Mik, be quiet. We've got things to say! flirt

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 12:50

:knight:

r♡se 21. January 2009, 12:53

Doesn't matter - we can make our points across without words too :love:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 12:53

:sing: My girl,
My girl,
Don't lie to me.
Tell me, where did you sleep last night.

In the litter box,
In the litter box,
With the smelly cat.
I choked the whole night through.

Kimmie 21. January 2009, 12:55

Rose - squirrel!

Moe - Thank you. I really appreciate what you said - you don't need to message me... You've said what you feel, right? Whore p: .

Clint - :rolleyes: cute p: .

Yeah Mik, shush p:

Kimmie 21. January 2009, 12:56

Argh you squirrelled me again, Rose!! :lol:

Moesring 21. January 2009, 13:05

So, you don't want a PM filled with flattery-whore-ness? awww:cry:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 13:16

You offering to whore my fiancee privately? :mad:

Kitty 21. January 2009, 13:17

:lol:

Moesring 21. January 2009, 13:18

P:

:sst: You know that a "fiancé" (as you wrote) is a male, don't you? :eyes:

Kimmie 21. January 2009, 14:00

Changed the spelling for him. My fault. I told him it was spelled right.

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 14:16

If I ever seem to make a mistake you can be sure it's someone else's fault. :happy:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 14:17

If I ever seem to make a mistake you can be sure it's someone else's fault. :happy:

Kimmie 21. January 2009, 14:20

Whose fault was that double-post? p:

r♡se 21. January 2009, 14:24

Ahahahahahaha! :lol:

Moesring 21. January 2009, 14:28

That was T-Mobile's, obviously. :rolleyes: P:

Aadil 21. January 2009, 15:16

Here in South Africa, the word 'fiancé' is applied without any gender bias. :left:. Although that's probably just due to common misuse. p:

Cois 21. January 2009, 16:46

Ja swaer p:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 18:23

Foiled again. awww

Dennis 21. January 2009, 18:41

Another god toppled. :frown:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 20:02

Hey, I've only had 31 years of divinity so far. Jesus had over 2,000 and he hasn't turned T-mobile into a pillar of salt yet. p:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 20:02

Hey, I've only had 31 years of divinity so far. Jesus had over 2,000 and he hasn't turned T-mobile into a pillar of salt yet. p:

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 20:03

I don't believe it! :mad:

Stomyr 21. January 2009, 20:16

*HUGZ*

The Dark Furie 21. January 2009, 20:34

Thanks Stomyr. The network really is awful. awww

r♡se 21. January 2009, 22:06

:lol:

Darko 21. January 2009, 22:10

:lol:

Kimmie 21. January 2009, 22:18

:lol:

Cois 22. January 2009, 09:17

:lol:

Aadil 22. January 2009, 23:46

I wonder why the call it a network when it doesn't. :irked:

Dennis 23. January 2009, 00:04

:lol: Luckily, I'm not normally plagued with bad connections. (knock wood)

Cois 23. January 2009, 07:17

*pounds on qlue's head*

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