Purple Realm

Why doesn't Sprite come in a more exciting flavor, like cantaloupe?: Because the chief of the Sprite board of directors has a paralysing phobia of most fruits.
Where'd you get those coconuts? (obligatory Monty Python reference!): From an orange velocipastor. It's a rare breed of ancient, sun loving priest. They only surface from their lairs once every 5,000682 days.
Have you ever tried bubble tea?: I've blown bubbles in my tea through a straw, so... Yes?
Do you prefer zebra stripes, tiger stripes, or leopard spots?: I prefer the fresh skin from a recently-slain Jim Henson creation.
Have you ever held a snake?: I've held a "love-snake", does that count?
What color was the last pill you took?: It was brown.
Why did you take that pill?: Because I craved chocolate. What? It's a drug!
Have you ever tried putting black pepper on mac 'n' cheese? (It's good!): I've put mac n cheese in the bin. My idea is better than yours.
Ever notice how most people look like they should have the name they have?: That's as ridiculous as people telling the parents of a newborn baby that it looks just like them, when really it looks wrinkled, tiny and yoda-like, as all babies do.
Boredom breeds vice. When you are bored, what is your vice?: Blood sacrifice. No? Okay... Being annoying.
Favorite Orbit gum commercial?: How boring is your life that you have a favourite commericial for each brand?
When was the last time you used a film camera?: I used one to photograph the orange velocipastor.
Was it a disposable camera, or a regular film camera?: It was disposable. And, digestable - turns out that orange velocipastor is easily spooked (and appetized) by photographs.
Do you think monroe piercings are trashy?: I think they look like giant silver zits. When I see one, I wish to rip it from the greasy chav skin in which it is embedded.
What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?:I'm sure you would do anything. Whore.
Dark, milk, or white chocolate?: Dark.
What's the fastest you've ever gone in a car?: 500 miles per second.
Name the secondary colors.: Blurple, gred, orello.
What's the thing that makes you most excited?: Now that, my dear moron, is a secret.
What about the thing that makes you the most nervous?: Why? You planning on scaring me?
What was your favorite band when you were a kid?: The first band I remember is Dr Hook. Gran used to play tapes of them in the car. I still know all the words.
Do you ever use words even if you are unsure of their meaning?: I do, actually. You, sir, are a fastichio.
When did you last see a dog?: When I was visiting someone's blog. Some people arrived before me.
What is the name of the store that is closest to you house?: The Corner Shop. Or, the Mardy Git Shop.
What is your favorite smell?: Fresh-squeezed Kitty .
What was the last pop-up that came up on your computer screen?: Aha! Due to the wondrous power of cellphones and Mini, my Nokia is a shield of steel against the Baron Von Pop-Up! Bow with awe before my mighty power!
What is your favorite radio station?: Radio-MyOwnSmeggingPlaylist.
What is your favorite spice?: Rose!
Do you know what the word "facetious" means?: Ah! Don't be facetious, because the face will eat us!
Does/did your school do CIM testing?: Yep. Unsurprisingly, over 90% of the school tested positive for Complete Idiotic Moron syndrome. They had to be put down.
Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child in your family?: None of the above.
As a kid, who did you look up to?: Most people - I was very short!
Finish the lyrics: "Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts...": Can of beans-o-rama, forever in our farts...
When was the last time you were in the hospital?: I was there a few months ago.
Why were you there?: For research on my book. The working title is: "Boredom: The Life And Times Of Someone You Don't Care About But If There's A Picture Of A Crying Child On The Cover, You'll Buy It In Chance Of Revelations Of Riveting Horror"
Ever heard of people who put diapers on their dogs? Why do they do that?: Because either they cannot be bothered to house-train the dog, or their kids have grown up and they want a new baby, or they never had a kid, so decided to buy the closest thing to one.
Who was the last person you talked to on instant messenger?: My imaginary friend.
How many states have you visited in whatever country you live in?: We don't have states here. We have counties. And I don't know... Between 8 and 16?
Have you ever traveled outside your home country?: Yeah.
Where did you go on your travels?: I've been to France, Malta and Ibiza, all as a child. I didn't really like any of them.
If you haven't traveled in internationally, where would you like to go?: I HAVE!
Make up a new sidekick for Batman. What's his/her name?: Dogshit.
What do you put on your scrapes or cuts?: A magic balm made from pixie tears and a herb found only on Jupiter.
How did you get your last injury?: Velocipastor. I've already told you!
Say goodbye.: Byesies