Purple Realm

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One is a salted.

A dog hobbles into a saloon with a bandaged leg, and growls, 'Am lookin fer the man that gawn done shot ma paw...'

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?


Doctors tell us that there are over 7 million people overweight. These, of course, are only round figures...

I went to the butcher's yesterday, and bet him fifty dollars that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says to him, 'you can come in, but don't start anything!'

A man was in an elevator, and the operator kept calling him, 'son'. So the man said, 'why do you keep calling me son? You're not my father!' And the operator replied, 'I brought you up, didn't I?'

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

Hangovers - the wrath of grapes.

Deja moo - the feeling you've heard this bull before.

Dieting - a matter of life and breadth.

Marriage - the mourning after the knot before.

Statisticians say 'mean' things.

Two people get chilly whilst on the river in their kayak, so they light a fire in it to warm up. It sank. The moral of the story? You can't have your kayak and heat it.

When Mr Sip's wife steps into the restroom, does Mississippi?

Why couldn't the hen find her eggs? She mislaid them.

A man sent in ten entries to a newspaper's pun contest in the hopes that one would win. Sadly,
No pun in ten did...