On Being Single
Thursday, 26. June 2008, 11:49:52
A very long time ago, my marriage broke up. We both had issues. I believe I've dealt with a number of my personal demons and my ex got rid of her personal demon: me.
For a long time I put pressure on myself that there is “someone out there” who would be a helper suitable for me and work together on mutual, God-given goals. After a long time, I did meet someone who had a lot of potential and we courted for about 2 years (I use the term “courted” as opposed to “dated” since I wouldn't want to get involved with anyone in a “casual” way—how can you be “casual” about something as serious as romantic love when you are a Christian?). In the end, the relationship didn't work out and, sadly, I haven't heard anything about this woman for almost 3 years now. I still pray for her when she comes to mind that God is taking care of her needs.
I learned some things about myself as a person that really frightened me. There were definitely actions and things said that were not loving and didn't respect her as a woman or as a fellow believer. First Timothy 5:1-2 is sound advice about “absolute purity”. One thing I attempted to do right was have our relationship observed and scrutinized by friends and peers—and have ourselves available to wise counsel. That was not something I did when I was going out with my ex-wife (among a number of other good relationship rules that were not followed).
Ah, but for today....
It has been a blessing to myself and others to be “freely” available to help. There has been a more focused effort to grow friendships in this city I've been living in for five-and-a-half years (as a “techie” kind of person, it can be pretty easy to spend too much time in front of a computer doing a project, or idling away time being entertained by a good movie). As an emerging leader of the Christian singles group in a nearby city, it is even more imperative to pray for the lives of those people that they would have a clear head in their relationship desires. I know of a few guys who are “trolling” among other groups in other cities looking for “Miss Wonderful”. They are so emotionally needy – like I was once.
I understand the feelings pretty well. As much as many men don't like to admit it, they have a deep need to feel secure in the presence of a woman. It could probably be explained by a psychologist or sociologist very well. But one thing is this: some men could “fall in love” a hundred times a day—but it takes a real and mature man to stay in love with one woman. To be committed and grow up emotionally with her. I know it's possible because there are about a half dozen marriages I can immediately recall as stellar examples of maturity. Don't get me wrong: their wives are equally committed to the relationship and would gladly hold them up as a virtuous woman (see Prov. 31).
It is a great feeling to come to a place of rest regarding the possibility of remarriage. The more important thing is to be happy and content by yourself. For all those great marriages, keep on lovin' that spouse and children and being a blessing in this world.
For a long time I put pressure on myself that there is “someone out there” who would be a helper suitable for me and work together on mutual, God-given goals. After a long time, I did meet someone who had a lot of potential and we courted for about 2 years (I use the term “courted” as opposed to “dated” since I wouldn't want to get involved with anyone in a “casual” way—how can you be “casual” about something as serious as romantic love when you are a Christian?). In the end, the relationship didn't work out and, sadly, I haven't heard anything about this woman for almost 3 years now. I still pray for her when she comes to mind that God is taking care of her needs.
I learned some things about myself as a person that really frightened me. There were definitely actions and things said that were not loving and didn't respect her as a woman or as a fellow believer. First Timothy 5:1-2 is sound advice about “absolute purity”. One thing I attempted to do right was have our relationship observed and scrutinized by friends and peers—and have ourselves available to wise counsel. That was not something I did when I was going out with my ex-wife (among a number of other good relationship rules that were not followed).
Ah, but for today....
It has been a blessing to myself and others to be “freely” available to help. There has been a more focused effort to grow friendships in this city I've been living in for five-and-a-half years (as a “techie” kind of person, it can be pretty easy to spend too much time in front of a computer doing a project, or idling away time being entertained by a good movie). As an emerging leader of the Christian singles group in a nearby city, it is even more imperative to pray for the lives of those people that they would have a clear head in their relationship desires. I know of a few guys who are “trolling” among other groups in other cities looking for “Miss Wonderful”. They are so emotionally needy – like I was once.
I understand the feelings pretty well. As much as many men don't like to admit it, they have a deep need to feel secure in the presence of a woman. It could probably be explained by a psychologist or sociologist very well. But one thing is this: some men could “fall in love” a hundred times a day—but it takes a real and mature man to stay in love with one woman. To be committed and grow up emotionally with her. I know it's possible because there are about a half dozen marriages I can immediately recall as stellar examples of maturity. Don't get me wrong: their wives are equally committed to the relationship and would gladly hold them up as a virtuous woman (see Prov. 31).
It is a great feeling to come to a place of rest regarding the possibility of remarriage. The more important thing is to be happy and content by yourself. For all those great marriages, keep on lovin' that spouse and children and being a blessing in this world.
WIDGETIZE