Face forward - even if not moving forward

Had to laugh at this. If you're not Canadian, you may not understand everything on the display.
Enjoy more at http://www.cartoonink.com/editorial/currenttoon02.php

Although not true, it's interesting to note even God allows room for fools...for now.

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, “Your Honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.”

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”

The lawyer said, “Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”

The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.”

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture.

The conversations during breaks and lunch at work get interesting sometimes. Michelle, a co-worker I've alluded to in a couple of posts, is madly in love with her boyfriend. The history of how the two of them met and finally began going out together is one I love to hear over and over. It's a great testimony to the power of God. Just say his name directly to her face and her eyes begin glazing over – you can almost see little hearts floating upward. She has mentioned that when he does propose, she won't be coming in to work the following day; she wouldn't get anything done.

During this afternoon's break we began talking about wedding rings. Now on the Valentine's weekend, Michelle's boyfriend took her into a jewellery store so they could look at some rings. She pointed out to him things she liked and didn't like. But it all came down to this:

“Y'know, I don't even really care what kind of ring he gives me. I would even accept a twist tie — but then he's gonna get a black eye!”

Of course this is written by someone else tounge-in-cheek, but I still admire the toughness of many Canadian women (notice the man who married the Canadian doesn't have a first name )...

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new Wives their duties:

Terry had married an American Woman, and bragged that He had told his Wife that She was to do all the dishes, and all the house cleaning. He said that it took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house, and all the dishes were washed and put away!

Jimmy had married a Woman from Australia, He bragged that he had given his Wife orders that She was to do all the housework, wash all the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better, and by the third day, His house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table!

The third man had married a Canadian Girl. He boasted that He had told her, that her duties were to do all the housework, wash all the dishes, do all the laundry, and mow the lawn, and have a hot meal on the table 3 times a day.

He said that on the first day he didn't see anything, and on the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, most of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper!

I do a lot of audio editing of sermons and teachings at our church; typically 2-3 hours per week. A 25-40 minute presentation can sometimes take up to 2 hours to be hacked down to a smooth audio recording 5-15 minutes less than the raw recording. Some people are a breeze to “edit”, others make me cringe when I know they are going to speak. Watching a person speak or preach masks nervous mannerisms because the mind is distracted by visual cues. When dealing with just the audio alone, the nervous mannerisms tend to leap out—at least to my ears.

Don't get me wrong: I enjoy editing to ensure the audio presentation of their topic flows smoothly to the ears; that it will be heard and understood with clarity. It's a largely unknown and unappreciated aspect of “getting the Word out to the world” via the internet or through CD requests. A huge church in the area also has their sermons available through the internet—but for the sake of expediency, they sacrifice the audio quality for small file size to download. That is unacceptable to my standards—and I don't want to present my pastor or other speakers in a bad way via post-production audio (the file size is significantly smaller than the original, but it is almost as clear). When in front of the congregation, there's nothing I can do to help them....much like Reverend William Archibald Spooner.

It has been said Rev. Spooner did not like having his name attributed to slips of the tongue and transpositions that usually elicit at least a raised eyebrow. The following is lifted directly from Wikipedia. So don't get your kounge in a snot over these things, it apparently happens in many other languages...

Many of the quotations attributed to Spooner are apocryphal; The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations (3rd edition, 1979) lists only one substantiated spoonerism: "The weight of rages will press hard upon the employer."

Some of the more famous quotations attributed to Spooner include, "The Lord is a shoving leopard," (instead of "The Lord is a loving shepherd"), "It is kisstomary to cuss the bride," ("It is customary to kiss the bride") and, "Mardon me, padam, this pie is occupewed. Can I sew you to another sheet?" (Pardon me, madam, this pew is occupied. Can I show you to another seat?")

Other purported gaffes include his angry address to a student, "You have hissed all my mystery lectures, and were caught fighting a liar in the quad. Having tasted two worms, you will leave by the next town drain" (intending to say "You missed all my history lectures," "lighting a fire," "wasted two terms," and "down train," respectively). He supposedly remarked to one lady, during a college reception, "You'll soon be had as a matter of course," when he meant to say, "You'll soon be mad as a Hatter, of course." Others include, "Let us raise our glasses to the queer old Dean," ("dear old queen"), "We'll have the hags flung out," ("flags hung out"), "a half-warmed fish," ("half-formed wish"), "Is the bean dizzy?" ("dean busy'), "Go and shake a tower," ("take a shower") and "a well-boiled icicle." ("well-oiled bicycle").

A final one to add lifted from another site:
The famous Dr. Spooner found himself in quite a situation when he was invited to a very formal occasion in England; an occasion at which it was necessary for people to appear in pairs, whether they happened to be husband and wife, significant other, or whatever. And as luck would have it, at the last minute, Mrs. Spooner felt ill, wasn't able to go, and Dr. Spooner hurriedly raced around and found someone else to go with him. As he greeted his hostess, he came up with this particular Spoonerism. Instead of saying "Oh good evening, Mrs. Wellsley. I'm so pleased to be here. And you will be pleased to know that I have, due to the illness of my wife, produced a substitute", he said: "You will be so pleased to learn that because of my wife's illness, I have managed to seduce a prostitute."