Posts tagged with "men"
Thursday, 9. April 2009, 11:28:24
marriage, life, men, courtship
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In my previous post, I mentioned Ruth as being the other of my favourite courtship and marriage stories from the Bible. Isaac focuses on the communal and faith aspect of finding a marriage partner. The zenith of even a Godly marriage is not the actual wedding itself, but how the relationship fulfills God’s long-term purposes. That may not be known in the lifetime of the couple.
Ruth is a story of a woman coming from outside the “family of faith”, with a heart of faith, and receiving the blessing of faith. A recap of the beginning of the story: Naomi and her husband and sons leave Bethlehem for greener pastures in the neighbouring country of Moab. Moabites were not friendly to the Israelites. However, both of Naomi’s sons marry Moabite women. Obviously these women had character traits the parents admired. Naomi’s husband and two sons eventually die. Naomi hears things are better back in the homeland and decides to return. She encourages her two daughters-in-law to stay, remarry and have children. Ruth is determined to stick with Naomi and renounce absolutely everything of her past life. Naomi must have been an excellent teacher of the Hebrew God to inspire such devotion. One of the most inspiring phrases of that devotion is found in Ruth 1:16,17.
Naomi and Ruth head back to Bethlehem and everyone is abuzz at a widow returning home with a “foreigner” tagging along. Widows had it very tough in those times. Ruth desires to serve and protect her aging mother-in-law by getting out there and going to work for their food. “It just so happens” she begins her work in the fields of Boaz; a relative. And an honourable one. And a rich one. None of this is known to Ruth. She is just doing the culturally honourable and right thing by looking after aging Naomi – even though Ruth is not a Hebrew woman.
This does not escape the notice of Boaz. He accords her special privileges while she works. He also tells her not to work anywhere else but his fields. He reminds her that everyone in town has been telling him about she is looking after her mother-in-law. He is obviously very pleased (and attracted) with the heart of this woman.
Ruth returns home with much more than a person would normally take. Naomi cannot contain her excitement at the good fortune from God’s hand: He has not forgotten them. Not only do they have an abundance of food, but Boaz is a relative who can actually do something about their plight as widows. The harvesting season continues and then mother-in-law gets it in her head that Ruth should pursue Boaz for marriage. Ruth doesn’t know all of the cultural and Mosaic laws, so she agrees to do whatever Naomi says (3:5,6). In the end, Boaz marries Ruth and a number of generations later, David – who later becomes king of Israel – is born (4:21).
What are the highlights of this process of courtship? Boaz and Ruth were both honourable and God-fearing in their spheres of work and culture. Boaz must have been a good employer to work for. He personally greeted his workers and they were comfortable enough to respond directly back to him (2:4). Boaz must have heard the town gossip about Ruth and Naomi (2:11,12), but obviously had not seen her yet. When he noticed a new woman working in his field, he asked his foreman who she was (2:5). The foreman explained she was the Moabitess who came back with Naomi, and a good worker (2:6,7). I personally tend to think there was a bit of gap in time between Boaz’s conversation with his foremen and the moment he walked over to Ruth and began according her special privileges. I can sense him looking at this young woman gathering gleanings and then beginning to smile; his heart warming at the sight of this woman who has a genuine servant’s heart.
Ruth is just working away. Then this well-dressed man walks over (who obviously must have been the owner) and hands her all kinds of special privileges short of the keys to the executive washroom. When I read Ruth’s responses to this outpouring of generosity (2:10,13), man, even I would be hopelessly attracted to a woman like that! Not the bowing, per se, just the humble attitude. It reminds me of the scene in the final episode of Lord of the Rings where Arwen, Elrond’s beautiful elf daughter, lowers her gaze at the sight of her beloved Aragorn, now crowned King of Middle Earth. In equally honourable and tender fashion, Aragorn’s face is pained that she would think she is not worthy of him. Without a word, he reaches for her face and gently lifts it until their eyes meet – and then plants one of the most memorable kisses ever put on film. *Sigh*…that is so beautiful. But I digress.
Neither Boaz or Ruth was looking to take advantage of the other. Upon Naomi’s instruction, Ruth went and reminded Boaz of his responsibility to take care of the two widowed women from their clan. Again, this just confirms to him what everyone knows: she is an honourable woman (3:11). There is a legal cultural hurdle for Boaz to get over before the way is paved for him to get Ruth. But once that is done, nothing was going to stop him from getting this woman as his own wife (3:12,13).
Both of them were following God in what they were doing before the possibility of marriage. They respected each other’s position in society until such time as they became husband and wife. And the mother-in-law whose life was bitter, became pleasant again. Am I doing, or will do, the same with someone I want to get serious about?
Monday, 6. April 2009, 00:02:28
marriage, men, life, courtship
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Over the last month or so, I’ve been thinking a lot about a certain young woman. Some of that thinking has not been of the purist kind. Yet whenever I close my eyes, her face and frame is there. She is very pretty and very smart. She has had some very painful experiences over the last few years, both physically and with people she has known. But she is not giving up on God or abandoning her faith. If I were to ask her out sometime for a cup of coffee, would that cloud my judgement or my perceptions of who she really is? Considering my past experience with marriage, and a previous courtship that revealed we were not God’s choices for each other, I realize I do need help.
I have a couple of Joshua Harris’ books. They are a good source of wisdom to avoid the sexually charged pitfalls of our modern western culture – and that’s just for Christians. Today I downloaded a couple of sermons by Josh. They were done with his years of experience being married and with the memory of what it was like when he was single. He spoke about the importance of church community in regards to investing in single people and toward any perceived goals of marriage. I can say from first hand experience that many churches and parishioners abandon single people who don’t fit in the “married” and “family” moulds. The older you are, the worse this predicament becomes.
But I have been finding out, however, that there are a few people who are having a heart for me to be married again. I’ve heard that I need “companionship” or somebody knows someone that I should be introduced to in a non-charged social setting (weddings are out!). What hurts the most is the lack of these helpful people to get to know me or my family background. They wouldn’t do that with their own children, but somehow these rules don’t seem to apply to adult peers. I beg to differ.
Two of my favourite and most romantic stories of Godly courtship and marriage are Isaac and Ruth. Isaac was the favoured son of Sarah. The child of God’s promise to Abraham. Sarah had just died and Abraham determined Isaac needed a wife. But not just any wife. Abraham commissioned his most senior and trusted servant to go back to the country of his family and look there. This servant knew Abraham’s faith and Isaac’s needs. He had lived with the family a long time. On the way, the servant implored upon his master’s God to help him find a suitable woman. The search was successful and Rebekah went back to the land of Canaan with the blessing of her family. But this is my favourite phrase of the whole story, “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”
By and large, women do not understand the “comfort” they can bring to their husbands. It can be a physical and emotional satisfaction. I suppose many times women are “used”, but I think it’s important for women to understand what a source of blessing they can be to their men. Some men, unfortunately, are pretty helpless at communicating to their women how special they are. But I digress.
A search for a wife (or a husband, for that matter) is a communal affair involving faith, intimate family history, prayer, searching within the family of God and praise for a successful marriage. I know a few marriages and courtships that have all these elements and it makes me happy to recount these events, because it’s all for the glory of God. I would not want anything less for me or a future wife.
Monday, 22. September 2008, 01:21:54
pain, adversity, men, pitchfork
(a treatise on how men understand and handle pain in their lives)
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Thursday, 26. June 2008, 11:49:52
life, men, women, single
A very long time ago, my marriage broke up. We both had issues. I believe I've dealt with a number of my personal demons and my ex got rid of her personal demon: me.
For a long time I put pressure on myself that there is “someone out there” who would be a helper suitable for me and work together on mutual, God-given goals. After a long time, I did meet someone who had a lot of potential and we courted for about 2 years (I use the term “courted” as opposed to “dated” since I wouldn't want to get involved with anyone in a “casual” way—how can you be “casual” about something as serious as romantic love when you are a Christian?). In the end, the relationship didn't work out and, sadly, I haven't heard anything about this woman for almost 3 years now. I still pray for her when she comes to mind that God is taking care of her needs.
I learned some things about myself as a person that really frightened me. There were definitely actions and things said that were not loving and didn't respect her as a woman or as a fellow believer. First Timothy 5:1-2 is sound advice about “absolute purity”. One thing I attempted to do right was have our relationship observed and scrutinized by friends and peers—and have ourselves available to wise counsel. That was not something I did when I was going out with my ex-wife (among a number of other good relationship rules that were not followed).
Ah, but for today....
It has been a blessing to myself and others to be “freely” available to help. There has been a more focused effort to grow friendships in this city I've been living in for five-and-a-half years (as a “techie” kind of person, it can be pretty easy to spend too much time in front of a computer doing a project, or idling away time being entertained by a good movie). As an emerging leader of the Christian singles group in a nearby city, it is even more imperative to pray for the lives of those people that they would have a clear head in their relationship desires. I know of a few guys who are “trolling” among other groups in other cities looking for “Miss Wonderful”. They are so emotionally needy – like I was once.
I understand the feelings pretty well. As much as many men don't like to admit it, they have a deep need to feel secure in the presence of a woman. It could probably be explained by a psychologist or sociologist very well. But one thing is this: some men could “fall in love” a hundred times a day—but it takes a real and mature man to stay in love with one woman. To be committed and grow up emotionally with her. I know it's possible because there are about a half dozen marriages I can immediately recall as stellar examples of maturity. Don't get me wrong: their wives are equally committed to the relationship and would gladly hold them up as a virtuous woman (see Prov. 31).
It is a great feeling to come to a place of rest regarding the possibility of remarriage. The more important thing is to be happy and content by yourself. For all those great marriages, keep on lovin' that spouse and children and being a blessing in this world.