Thought Theatre

Here in New Zealand, parliament is in the process of putting an anti-smacking law through. It is hotly debated about the merits of such a law including how to enforce it.

On one side there are parents who believe that smacking is the only effective form of discipline for children and are unteachable or refuse to look at alternatives to disciplining their kids including time out and taking away of privileges. On a recent interview on TV 3's Campbell Live, children were asked that if their parents or caregivers, regarding removal of privileges, were to take away something from them for being naughty, what would they feel they would be able to not do without. Top of the list was cellphones, while the rest of the list included playstation/xbox, Television and the Computer.

The other side think that everyone has their own definition about what smacking is, and often this goes beyond the smack on the rear. This side also believe that kids should have the same rights to protection as adults from being hit. This follows through with member nations of the UN who have recently brought in the 'zero tolerance to violence' policy, and the recognition of the right of the children to have rights equal to adults as far as quality of life and protection from poverty and violence.

To look at the parents position, we can look at what most families are struggling with, to make ends meet. Poverty can effect everyone across the board. It can be restrictive and frustrating to work eighty hours a week and barely cover costs of necessity such as food, clothing and housing or most and fundamentally important is for the parent to spend time with their children. The stress on a parent can be immense.

Contributing factors of perpetuation of violence can be found in the work place, where some parents are made victims of their work colleagues in factories, from bullying to actual physical or sexual assaults on the worker from fellow workers and the employer turning a blind eye. The worst is not finding a constructive outlet for this stress and the parent can be like a walking time bomb.

Work can be a major contributor to a families wellbeing, so companies and factories out there must take up some of the social responsibility of care of their workers. If not, they are guilty of being a major contributor to violence by setting up such an environment by not looking past the work-place abuse and focus solely on the company profit margin. That is no excuse. Zero tolerance to violence must be included in the work-place. Stressed parents need support and education of stress management, anger management, and offenders/abusers be removed rather than be promoted. Ignorance within company around hierarchy-abuse stressors on the parent is definitely not an excuse. If you don't give a hoot about anything beyond profit, then it does not speak well for your product either. If you are a company who cares more for money rather than quality of anything including the well-being of your workers, find a way to make it better. This basically means that you may have to be (heaven forbid) more broad in focus and actively put your foot down to work-place abuse, even if you fear the bully him/herself.

For the children, it can be important to speak up about someone hurting you. Whether it is a caregiver, parent, coach, sibling, religious leader, teacher or family friend, and to keep talking to people about it until someone listens and steps up to help you. Dont be discouraged or afraid, you have value and you have a right to be valued and ask for help and be protected and cared for. You may be in a situation where you may feel alone and isolated or were told that no one cares, have been threatened that if you speak up you or someone else will be hurt or leave you. Perhaps if you are like I was as a kid, and felt the weight of this latter, it can be hard to find a voice, and may find another way such as writing it down handing it to someone who can help you. Dont give up on yourself, I believe in you.




This year, 2007, The United Nations Secretary General’s Study on Violence Against Children was released.

Excerpt 1:

The adoption of the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) in 1989 confirmed that children too are holders of human rights. The CRC claims, on the one hand, children’s right to individuality and to have their views on all matters which affect them taken seriously; and on the other, in the light of their developmental state and vulnerability, rights to special care and protection.

Excerpt 2:


In countries where homicide statistics are analysed according to age of the victim, 15–17-year-
olds are the age group that is most at risk. The second high-risk group is infants. Data from
OECD countries suggest that the risk of death is about three times greater for children under one
year old than for those aged 1 to 4, who in turn face double the risk of those aged 5 to 14. The
younger the child, the more likely their death will be caused by a close family member. The most frequent causes of death are injuries to the head or to the internal organs. Other causes
include intentional suffocation, shaking, and more rarely, choking or battering.

Statistics:

Reliable studies from New Zealand, Switzerland, and the USA, state a few trends emerge. In general, children under 10 are at significantly greater risk than children aged 10 to 19 of severe violence perpetrated by family members and people closely associated with the family... The majority of murders of children under the age of one are perpetrated by one or both of the child’s parents, frequently the mother. While approximately 50% to 75% of murders of children aged under 10 are by family members, this proportion drops to about 20% of murders of children aged 10 to 14, and 5% of murders of children aged 15 to 19. A substantial proportion of homicides of children under 10 years of age are committed by a stepparent, by a parent’s boyfriend or girl friend, or by other people known to the victim.

Physical violence is the intentional use of physical force against a child that either results in
or has a high likelihood of resulting in harm to the child’s health, survival, development or
dignity. Children around the world experience hitting, kicking, shaking, beating, bites,
burns, strangulation, poisoning and suffocation by members of their family. In extreme
cases this violence can result in a child’s death discomfort, however light.” While growing global concern over the prevalence of corporal punishment in the home – perpetuated by its
widespread legality and social approval – has fostered interest in understanding its prevalence
and forms, it has also generated debate. Most corporal punishment involves hitting (‘smack-
ing’, ‘slapping’, ‘spanking’) children, with the hand or with an implement – whip, stick, belt, shoe, wooden spoon, etc. But it can also involve, for example, kicking, shaking or throwing
children, scratching, pinching, biting, pulling hair or boxing ears, forcing children to stay in
uncomfortable positions, burning, scalding or forced ingestion There are considerable variations in popular views about the use and effectiveness of corporal punishment, according to available
studies. While a Canadian study found that 59% of people believed that spanking is harmful and 86% that it is ineffective.

For more information about this release see this link: http://www.violencestudy.org/r25

'In each of us is the sum of all the ages we have been, and all the ages we are yet to be.' Anonymous

When traveling the inner world it may be that if one looks long enough, you may see your own lifetime stretched out both before and behind you. Even that you may see your ancestors and descendants lifetimes. It could be that you can be an observer rather than having a direct input to how your past or future as the only influence can only be achieved in the present. A decision can influence your path, and indeed the way you live your life can be powerful, inspiring or a lesson to others when sharing stories. Even when starting to tell your story can be difficult at the beginning if you have had a hard life, as you talk it can ease the painful memories, and release you from the prison of silence.

I understand that expressing your story may be frightening if you live in a country where speaking your heart can put you in danger for those in power who are so hell bent on controlling every aspect of your life and of others that you love and who you want to protect. I want to go up to you and embrace you and comfort you and tell you that even though this may be the way you must live your life for now, your spirit is safe and always will be. I ask you to hang in there and not give up in yourself, but also to keep yourself and your loved ones safe. There will be a time when you can speak or even the following generations may speak and speak with wisdom of the knowledge of their ancestor.

Everyone has a right to speak a language and to learn a language. I can only imagine how many languages and variations there are in this world, not to mention nationalities and combined nationalities of any country or persons.

A country like the one that I live in is very multicultural and the four million and then some speak a multitude of languages. Many of us live in flatting situations or in work situations can find it a bit difficult at times to communicate. In some cases there are work places that can have teams that speak either the same language as each other or more than one language.

For example, I recently discussed the problems a collegue of mine was having in his work place. For his privacy I will call him Jack. Like myself, Jack is a New Zealander, and indeed his parents are NZ'ers as well. Most NZ'ers call themselves Kiwis or Proud Kiwis and like to let most of the rest of the population know about it. Jack is your typical Kiwi with typical Kiwi attitude, who likes to blow his own horn and practice the kiwi religion of Staunchness. Jack went and got himself a job working in a factory as a line packer. Now, Jack has no problems with the role of line packer but he does have some problems with his team mates on the line. That is that they all speak their same language and are often difficult for him to understand instructions because of their thick accents when they speak in English. Jack does not have a problem with his team mates themselves as they are 'all pretty good people'. He says that he gets frustrated quite often when they are discussing work and what they are to do next when they speak their own language and seem to forget that he is there. As a result there are hold-ups in the line because instructions are missed by Jack or he does not understand what the instructions are when they speak in his language. From this production in the factory gets muddled and they most often have to start over again and yet another vein pops out in the bosses forehead.

This seems to be a common problem in most multi-cultural work places. And there is no easy solution but for all team members to make an effort themselves to find some way to communicate. For example , Jack might make the effort to learn to speak the same language as his team-mates. Or perhaps his team-mates can be more conscious that Jack needs to know what to do next and communicate it to him in his language so there are no more hold-ups. For the first idea, Jack could indeed learn the language of his collegues if he can be convinced of that he can practice on his work collegues. If not then the task of convincing his work collegues to be more consciencious in making sure that instructions are understood by Jack. Another thing for Jack to do is swallow some of his self-pride and to persistantly ask them to repeat the instructions until he understands them, thus acting on his own behalf. In this latter one, the other team-mates will make more of an effort to better improve their communication with Jack as well if they see that he is interested in knowing what is going on, and Jack is not guessing or assuming on what the instructions are.

In conclusion, there are many ways of managing how a group of people in a work-place communicate, but it will only work if everyone makes an effort to make sure that anything that is not understood is repeated or that any questions should be asked by acting on ones own behalf and speaking up about it. If anything, assuming on what needs to be done can create more problems for everyone involved. Assuming what needs to be done can often cause a loss of job, as I have found out myself the hard way, even when the entire team did speak the same language as I did. But that is another story.

Many people who come to read this may come from cultures where it is customary to care for their own elderly relatives themselves. However, there are other cultures whos customs are to put the elderly out of sight and out of mind in institutions specifically set up to care for the elderly. Some are more expensive than others. Then there are other establishments where if one reaches retirement age the retiree can purchase a house or an apartment within the retirement village.

As an ex-employee of a retirement village, I had the opportunity to learn about the elderly, where any of my misconceptions about them were discarded. With my own attitudes about them, I soon learned that any ideas I picked up previously to working in the industry, made me realise how in my own culture and indeed my families attitudes towards the elderly, were cruel and harmful. My siblings and I grew up with the ideas about the elderly by observing our parents treatment of the elderly, and that they were a nuisance and a waste of space among other things. And so we treated them much the same as we became adults.

While working in the village over a period of years, I became close with a number of elderly residents and got to know their humour and the depth of their personhood. I was embarressed at my own lack of knowledge of this group of people and angry at the ideas I was taught from my parents about them.

One of the hardest things about working in such a place is watching some really neat people slowly cave into altzhiemers or to watch their health deteriorate over time. Of course people have to die sometime, but coming into work and learning that the people that I really care about died during the day(s) that I was not working was very difficult. This was one of the reasons why I left the industry, but I do still keep in touch with the ones who are still around and that knew me while I worked in the village.

Also, One of the most common sights of caring for the elderly is watching relatives who never bothered to come and visit their relatives when they were still alive, swoop in like vultures before the body was even cold and pick over the deceaseds posessions. Often while the body was still lying in the bed or the floor. The staff can do little about preventing this unfortuately, no matter if we want to go up and punch the bone pickers and kick them out.

The elderly are far more than the sum of a life time of knowledge or accumlation of possessions that younger relatives pick over, they are still human beings with their own personality traits. Granted some of these personality traits are often not that nice, some of the elderly are angry people until they begin to realise that you are not a threat to their freedom and then push them into a home where they are often drugged to the eyeballs.

In contrast, I have thought about the fact that there are people who are afraid of aging and that this could be one of the reasons why some people cant bear to see the older generations of their families so they often perfer to put the older ones out of sight and out of mind. If an elderly grandmother is a mirror to what one may become once one gets beyond the eighties age mark, then it can be a bit scary for a few to see what they can become once they get near to the end of their lives. Furthermore, it can be scary to see someone near the end of their lives who is often remembered to be robust and full of energy to be a seemingly lesser person now. They may want to preserve the memories of grandmother as they were. This seems rather more in protection of their own self-interests then assisting someone in their family that needs them right now.

It can take a lot to put ones own self-interests aside to go spend time with them. Even if during their life they may have not been that pleasant to you, it may mean not being pleasant to them in return will balance things out somehow. Or is it that you are being exactly like they were by doing so, and not all of us like to be like what our parents were or are. How often to you catch yourself doing what one of your parents would do? and then stop and do completely the opposite?

As an ex-smoker I am aware of the difficulty of addiction and kicking it. Smoking can be calming to the point where nothing else seems to matter so much when one lights up. And it is true that smoking is only continued for reasons of self-interests. In other words a way to relax despite the effects on those around us. It can be difficult when others challenge our rights to smoke and rise to defense of lifestyle with fierce indignance. However, have you noticed how close you drive to the bumper of the car in front because you are relaxed to the point where you are beyond caring? I have. Also falling asleep while holding a cigarette can and does cause a fire as you sit in an armchair or in bed. But the chemical addiction does not allow us to care about the hazard to ourselves as well as others. Somehow this fact and our need to continue to smoke prevents enlightnment to the fact.

No doubt there are some who smoke who take offence and still want to defend their right to smoke. Which is fine if you can argue your rights to smoke where and when you want in a way that makes intelligent sense. To which I have not heard an arguement as of yet that stands up beyond an non-sensical response to a challenge for any one person to stop smoking. To which I am just as guilty when I was challenged about my addiction long before I decided to give it up. And to which I look back on in extreme embarresment, as it was not the real me that was talking:yuck:.

There are bans that are becoming more prevalent in many countries where smoking is no longer permitted in public establishments to protect workers and non-smokers alike. Even in my own country these bans are in place due to the government growing tired of funding medication for those who suffer from the long term affects of smoking, such as lung cancer. As long as the addiction continues generation after generation which it has done, it was only a matter of time before legislation and law changes come in to make a progressive effort to weed out smoking addictions as part of the culture. Now it is socially unacceptable, maybe it will also a reduction on the hideous taxes we all have to pay, who knows...I can only speculate here. Furthermore, the New Zealand government are placing more restrictions on smokers and where they can smoke. Many times I see people huddling outside in the rain desperately sucking on a cigarette, or crouching in a corner during the worst weather attempting to get the 'fix'.

In contrast, A few years ago it was very fashionable to smoke and there was some social pressure to smoke as it looked cool. It slowly integrated into culture and a social norm to be smoking, and to do it openly meant popularity. I brought into this myself, I am ashamed to say, which is one of the reasons why I started smoking, albeit a pathetic one:o. Another reason for me to give up aside from the dumbarse reasons I started in the first place is the memories of my Pop who slowly deteriorated from lung cancer and having to go in and see him on life support. He lived long enough to return home to die.

Not many will have this first hand experience of a loved one dying of an illness directly related to an addiction, or if they do there are those few who watch someone close to them pass away and still not be inclined to give up their own addictions.

How important is it for the reception of an acknowlegement to the individual from friends, collegues and others is a question that I have been pondering this week. And it is a rhetorical question: as acknowlegement, in the positive sense at least, of ones work and effort is important to bolster a sense of accomplishment, and acceptance by the people who one likes and respects. Alternatively, to recieve no acknowlegement for years on end can often send ones mental wellbeing down a helter-skelter. This ear-ringing silence I know more intimately than I would care to admit. For example, wih my work with the elderly, who more often than not, can be the hardest people to please: Recently I recieved a written commendation from the staff and the residents of the local retirement village for stepping in to run the centre when a key staff member decided to show up sick as a dog and neglected to find a replacement for himself, and went home.

Needless to say I, the lowly kitchen assistant, was not too happy about having the responsibility land squarely on my shoulders. I uttered a few choice words under my breath, and I faced my two choices: Either I say to hell with it and go home myself, or intercept the excrement before it hit the proverbial fan and try to salvage the day. To make a long story short, by the time the day rolled to a close, no one was complaining about being hungry and they loved the food.

A few days later a letter arrived in my letterbox from the manager of the village. Unfortunatly, I expected the worst and I felt my blood pressure rise to pound in my ears while at the same time causing the sensation of chilly fear of what the letter was about. This however is quite normal for me whenever I recieve anything in the post, in that it gives me the shits every time. Try as I may there is some psychological trait that expects the worst possible outcome or scenario and I have been trying to root it out of my mind for many years. In any case, my legs started to go numb and I had to sit down on the grass by my letterbox to open the letter.

Once my eyes focused on the first few lines, I realised that it was a long awaited acknowledgement from at least one workplace, of my work and for stepping in and taking on the responsibility. Oh my god! I thought to myself, someone finally acknowleged that I existed at my workplace! I had to stop and pinch myself. I was beside myself with disbelief. I let out my breath in a gush. I was speechless. I went back to the house and showed it to my partner and he said that he wished he had an employer like that, then he would have thought about staying in one of the jobs he had been in indefinately.

The moral is that a simple acknowlegement can mean a world to one person or to a group of many. It can strengthen any kind of relationship, whereas your silence can just do the opposite.

Thank you for reading my blog and I invite you to post your comments below.

Protecting the rights of the one or the many can be a difficult task. What I mean by this is that there are groups and individuals that exist in this world that are offensive to customary behaviour that is acceptable in one or more cultures. And that what is acceptable in one culture can be offensive to another culture. It could be that one culture demands that another culture to cease and desist what they find offensive in their way of life. Do we have the right to prevent another culture from living their way of life? and do we think that our way of life is any better in the eyes of those who we are trying to surpress?

Lets take a closer look at how some cultures live their lives in their beliefs.

Ways of life that allow marriage of very young female children to older males is believed to be acceptable to particular cultures in and around the Middle East and India/Asia, but which is abhorable to some mindsets in the western cultures. Or that in Africa, where it is thought that sex with young children by male sufferers of HIV and AIDS, that the purity and innocence of these children will cleanse them of their illness. Are these ways of life acceptable or unacceptable to you and why?

Also where paedophilia exists in a culture as normal, there can be conflicts within a culture where members of that culture find it unacceptable. Indeed, cultures that dont have paedophilia as the norm find it abhorable when it people in their own culture harm children and their development in such a way. It is unacceptable for children to be used for sex and for our own pleasure and to harm their development. A paedophile may come back and argue that posting pictures on a website of young children being raped by adults is their right to freedom of expression. And that it is their right to express themselves online in any way that pleases them under freedom of speech.

Granted, from an ethical perspective we must regard the rights of the individual, to be able to have their rights protected. However, freedom of expression is a responsibility for all of us to protect by using it without causing harm to others. A childs right to live his or her life without harm, and the right to live their life in safety from those that would harm her physically or mentally is a basic right of theirs. To have his or her right to food and shelter and not have the natural development of his or her brain and physical development irreversibly damaged by a sex preditor is one of his or her basic rights. (For more information on the development of the human brain resource your local library or university library).

Furthermore, we must regard generational affects of sexual abuse, that it can become inset into individual family cultures over generations. Generations where boundaries are missing where sex is concerned in family structures. This is not new news to most of the people out there. And however the individual family members are wired, they all can be rewired over a period of years with suitable professional assistance to prevent the following generations continuing such a legacy. This may lean heavily towards utilitarian ethics - where consequences are taken into consideration, and the theory that we should look out for future generational wellbeing by considering our actions now - and also regard the rights for future generations as mentioned above.

Thus to protect the rights for the littlest ones on the planet, now and in the future, can mean that each of us must examine our intentions which guide our behaviour, and think to the consequences if it involves harming them. The toughest part will be in self-examination of our basic beliefs and customs as individuals before taking action and to keep coming back to this place of viewing each intention.

Finally, yes, we each have rights to live our lives within our own customs in our commmunities. And yes, others have well founded rights to live their customary lives as well. I can say this about the own customs in my own community, in that not all customs are good customs. Admittedly, I am unwilling to poke my head above the crowd and argue against some of these ideals, but I am also very willing to stand up against what I think are absurdities within my community structure. Or this post could be absurd itself.

Let me know what you think...