Lessons from Life

Last day of May, and I'm really pretty glad to see this month end. It's been a hard month.

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Don't have to say too much about the weather. That's been all over the news. Worst tornado outbreak in decades. Hundreds of people killed in the States, some here in Arkansas.

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A friend of mine died and was buried this month. Not from the storms, though. His "storm" came in the form of a diagnosis last spring of brain cancer. He died in his wife's arms. Very sweet and poignant. He was completely aware of everything up until he lost consciousness a few hours before his death. Never lost his mental capabilities. Not one iota. Was amazing to watch this man help to prepare his family for his death over the last year, to give them the hope of being together again as an eternal family. He led his family in truth, faith, and hope until the very moment of his death. Truly inspiring.

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Finally let go of a long-held, but futile, hope of my own this month. It was a painful letting go. It was a hope that had been with me my entire life, and I'll always yearn for it. But I've finally faced the reality that it was never there, and never will be. Don't know how to stop the yearning. But the hope has finally died. I'll no longer be looking for it around every corner.

Time to move on. Past is dead. Time to look to the future.

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The happiness I've talked about lately is still here. I've discovered that one can be generally happy, and still have moments of sadness, anger, grief, and pain. That it's "normal" to have changes of feeling. It's also okay. I can cry when I'm sad. I can laugh when something is funny, or if I just feel happy. It's also okay if I just want to sit quietly and think. Or throw out my arms and spin until I'm so dizzy I fall down. Or dance in the rain.

Still here.

And still learning.

The excited utterance of a little boy standing in front of the remains of his storm-ravaged home on the late news last night.

Three days of tornadoes and thunderstorms in Arkansas. Eleven people died. One town leveled, others devastated. Unknown amounts of damage.

We were lucky here. Mostly wind damage. Trees down, some minor damage to homes. No reports of injuries that I've heard, and no reports of an actual tornado in my town or immediate vicinity. But other parts of the county reported a couple of tornadoes, and counties close by suffered significant tornado damage. Others around the state suffered the worst, though.

We'll have a couple of days of nice weather to get some cleanup done, then a couple more days of stormy skies forecast.

No comments are necessary here. Just please keep in your thoughts and prayers all those affected by these storms, and all those who are still in their paths. It's not over.

My son posted this video on his facebook page, and I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I saw it. It's a clip from a U.S. game show called Family Feud, a show that's been around since the 1970's.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2iTbyI9VSw

And that's (one of the reasons) why I love ROCK 'N ROLL!!!

Wow, what a busy week!

I've lately joined a quilter's guild, and spent Tuesday morning at an old-fashioned quilting bee hemming the binding on the annual Christmas quilt that is entered at the county fair and raffled off for fund-raising purposes. This is a HUGE quilt--California King-size--and we hemmed that entire binding in about an hour and forty-five minutes. And talk about pretty! All the squares were individually designed and pieced, and collectively hand-quilted, by the members of the guild. I think it's probably the prettiest quilt I've ever seen. (This can't be considered bragging: I got in on it very late in the game and had nothing whatsoever to do with the design and piecing together of the quilt itself. All I worked on was the quilting part of it.)

This is something that has been extremely enjoyable to me. I've wanted to learn to make quilts for years. There is so much that can be done with this skill, too, besides making quilts. It can be used for decorating in a home, making tote bags, slippers, clothing, potholders and oven mitts, hot pads--all kinds of stuff, even toys. The best thing about this particular craft is that there really is no wrong way to do it, either. You can follow a pattern and make beautiful geometrical or other designs; or you can just piece a bunch of odd pieces of fabric together and have a great quilt top. You can quilt the thing by following lines in the fabric, or use your imagination and just quilt it in bizarre or funny lines. Or you can tie it. The only limits are materials and imagination.

But you know what the best part is about learning to quilt and joining this guild? As I mentioned, I've been participating in "old-fashioned quilting bees." A whole bunch of women of all ages are gathered around this quilt, sewing, and enjoying each other's company. I've made a bunch of new friends, and I'm learning that I'm not the "social moron" that I've believed myself to be for many, many years. I walked into this--scared to death, honestly--only knowing one other person (a very kind and supportive friend) in this circle. No one else knew me or anything about me. No one had any preconceived notions about who or what I am. No one knows anybody else that I know (that I've been able to find out yet).

It's the very first time in my life that I am being seen, in a face-to-face situation, for who I am as a person--not as a mom, not as a wife, not as a daughter, not as a sister, not as an employee, not as an employer, not as a patient, not as a label, and not as a potential one of those things.

For the very first time (face-to-face) in my life, I am being seen as me. I stand alone, to contribute what I can. I am valuable. I am useful.

And I'm happy.

This has really contributed to my feeling of well-being that I mentioned in a previous post. As I've come to realize that these new friends are looking at me without filters and accepting me as I am--even in my ignorance, compared to their considerable knowledge and skills--and encouraging me to learn and to try the things they know and share in their camaraderie, I've begun to try to see me the way they do, and to try to accept me the way they do.

It's been an eye-opener, and somehow, a very humbling experience. Kinda like watching a scared and shy little girl begin to blossom into a poised and confident young woman.

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Wow. This post turned into something completely unexpected.



What I had meant to do was just give a quick rundown of the week: the quilting bee; unexpectedly winning fifty bucks in a sweepstakes; accidentally unplanting a rosebush, and digging up a bunch of weeds; cleaning my church meetinghouse; and watching a luna moth spread its wings for the first time, and then finding out that the adult luna only lives for seven days.

Didn't mean to get all philosophical and sappy.

I'll post a cool song or something next time.