Suntana's Blog Trek

So I heard that my parents and my older brother and his family are going camping next week. CAMPING … Ahhh, brings back memories. You know the type. The type of memories that have been ingrained and etched in our minds by epic Summer Blockbuster movies featuring the likes of Mike, Fred & Jason. No, I don’t mean Mike Myers of Wayne’s World fame or Fred Flintstone. I mean the likes of Michael Myers of Halloween, Freddy Krueger of Nightmare On Elm Street and Jason from Friday the 13th. Nightmares … Right! That’s what I said, Nightmares. For me, the idea of Camping conjures up thoughts of discomfort, inconvenience, irrationality, senseless absurdity and temporary insanity. And it brings back memories of --- The 4th of July Camping Compromise Nightmare.

Okay, so let me clarify first of all. I didn’t actually go camping. It was a Camping Compromise. Here is how the nightmare unfolded. For years, my dad the Camping Connoisseur had relentlessly pestered me to go camping. He seemed to think that because HE loved it … why, of course, the rest of the world and I should love it as well. He can’t seem to understand the concept of people having different tastes, likes, dislikes, pastimes, Etc. One of my younger sisters also doesn’t care for camping. So, one time, so as to finally get our dad off our back about this perpetual camping harping, we decided to compromise. The plan was that I would fly in from out of town and meet up with my sister. She, her husband, a neighbor kid and I would drive up into some New Mexico forest where my parents, my older brother and his family would already be camping. We late-arriving guests were just going to Spend the Day there ... NOT actually torture ourselves by spending the night in the Outdoors and potentially be a Bear's late supper! Anyway, my sister had an idea. So as to avoid wear & tear on her car, she rented a car.

There we were, a couple of years back on this nice 4th of July morning, journeying into New Mexico to Spend the Day with my pioneering Wild West family of Camping Wilderness Wizards. My sister was driving the Rent a Car when suddenly --- POOF! In mid freeway speeding, the engine just quit. We pulled over. The car wouldn’t start. We proceeded to open the hood to the engine compartment. With the complexity of today’s cars’ engines, we might as well have opened up the hood to the Space Shuttle. Somehow though, we managed to find a Fuse Box and proceeded to check the Fuses. Lo & behold, we actually found the Car’s Computer Fuse blown. Now the trick would be how to fix that. My sister’s husband found a Budweiser Beer Can lying around. He cut a strip of aluminum and formed a Fuse. The car actually started with the improvised Budweiser Fuse. My sister was all excited. I went, “Wait. Hold on. The Fuse might have blown for a reason.” Sure enough, after about 10 seconds, the Fuse started to smoke. We were now officially without a functional vehicle.

Things could have been worse. Luckily we weren’t out in the middle of nowhere. We had just exited a little town’s city limits. A dude in a VERY scary-looking Van stopped by to ask if we needed any help. We passed on his offer because he looked like a Psycho Serial Killer. A couple of minutes later, another car stopped by. The lady said she lived in that nearby-ish house, which we could see from there. She said we could use her phone. We figured we’d eventually HAVE to take someone’s offer of help. It was decided that my sister and the neighbor kid would go with the lady. As soon as the car pulled away, my Brother-in-Law and I started wondering, “Oh SHOOT! What if the lady doesn’t really live there? What if she kidnaps them? What have we done?” Now we were feverishly hoping that the car WOULD actually pull into the road to that house. Luckily, it did. Whew! But, then they were taking forever. Again, my Brother-in-Law and I started worrying … what was taking so long? How long does it take to make a phone call or two? Had something sinister gone down at the house? We were probably a minute away from having one of us go investigate at the house what was taking so long. But, the car finally brought my sister and the kid back. Hertz Rent-a-Car would be sending a replacement Rent-a-Car … from like 200 or so miles away!

As we waited, this SUV with this big Navajo Police logo on it, stopped by. Two uniformed guys asked if we needed any help. We told them that a replacement Rent-a-Car was on the way, but that if they could give us a ride to a store to buy some Ice, we’d appreciate it because we had some Meat and no Ice. The Navajo Police Officers said no problem. Ahhh, but WERE they really Navajo Police Officers? How did we know that SUV with “Navajo Police” lettering on it was legit? We weren’t familiar with Law Enforcement’s vehicles around there. These thoughts REALLY started entering my mind. Especially when one of the “Officers” opened the SUV’s backdoor so that I could get in. I quickly noticed the Bars on the Windows AND the NO Door Handles on the inside! I also noticed that the INSIDE of the externally very clean SUV … was very Dirty and there were some mysterious rolls of dirty, old Plastic Sheeting. I seriously REALLY started having some HUGE reservations about getting into that SUV. I started thinking about Horror movies. The thing was, I was already halfway into the SUV. There was just no logical, plausible reason I could improvise for why I should suddenly PASS on their offer for a ride to the store. I mean, what? Was I gonna suddenly go, “I don’t know. I’m not sure you 2 guys are actually legit Police Officers. How do I know this Navajo Police even exists? I’m sorry, but we’ll just pass on the offer for a ride. We’ll just let the meat spoil.” So, with extreme trepidation, bordering on panic, I finished getting into the SUV. Before I realized it, the Kid had also gotten into the SUV because he wanted to buy some candy at the store. I was tempted to go, “ Stay here, Kid! I don’t know what situation we’ve gotten ourselves into.” So, the SUV pulls away. Rather quickly, I could see the little Convenience Store. I was acting real nonchalant, but inside I was going, “Come on. Please Please PLEASE pull into the store. You’d BETTER friggin’ pull into the store!” We did get to the store and bought the Ice and the Kid & I were taken back to our car by the side of the road. Whew! What a relief that was.

Our wait for the replacement Rent-a-Car resumed. I kid you not, we spent 4 Hours on the side of the road. We endured alternating periods of Hot Sun and Rain. And there was plenty of boredom. The cornucopia of 4th of July Campgrounds Fun that our family promised us, was quickly going down the tubes … RUINED! After that eternity on the side of the road, we finally saw in the distance what appeared to be a Tow Truck pulling a car. We figured it MIGHT be our replacement Rent-a-Car. So we all started crazily waving our arms to get their attention. It was a good thing we did because the Tow Truck Driver admitted that he would have easily driven right on by as he had been distracted, looking the other way at the beautiful scenery. We got into the other Rent-a-Car and proceeded to meet up with the Campers. We ate and hung out for what was left of the Minus 4 Wasted Hours day.

Much to our family’s insistence that we spend the night there, that they’d make room for us … Oh NO! My sister and I were NOT about to actually rough it anymore than we had already done so that day and GULP! CAMP Out! So, my sister, my Brother-in-Law, the neighbor Kid and I drove back home that afternoon. Yeah, we got back late at night, but … give me a Roof, Real Walls, a Real Bed, TV, a Real Shower, Fridge, Real Restroom, Etc. any day. Just NOT a Camping kinda Guy.