Suntana's Blog Trek

I got a Special Request from someone yesterday. My youngest sister was telling me she was almost finished reading all my stories in my Blog. She'd BETTER have been reading my Blog. After all, a deal's a deal. I beat her fair and square 2 out of 3 at Arm Wrestling. So, now she must deliver on her end of the bet and read my stories. Hah Hah! I’m Just Kidding! But, seriously, my sister told me, "Hey! You MUST write about your – Knocking Down the Gasoline Pump Incident." Knocked Down a Gasoline Pump? Well, Geez! That makes me sound like some Gasoline Pump Bully who scoped out and went and picked on some poor, defenseless, smaller than me Gasoline Pump. That sounds kinda harsh, I think. I'd rather think of it as me – Remodeling the Gasoline Pump. You know how it is … Vertical Gasoline Pumps were like just sooo passé. I just figured that particular Gasoline Pump in question needed a New Look. I thought I'd remodel it and give it that revolutionary New Look --- the Horizontal Gasoline Pump.

Okay, everyone pile into my Isuzu Rodeo and let's go on a Road Trip over to Memory Lane. Heyyy! Wait a minute! To where is everyone running? There is nothing to fear. It's not like I remodeled that Gas Pump last week or last month. C'mon! I'll give y'all 25¢ each to get in my Rodeo with me. Oops! I've already tried that bribery scheme before and it didn't go over very well. Uhhh, what if I said I am really a Great Driver? I AM, you know. C'mon, this didn't even happen in any kind of automotive. Ahhh, much better. Everyone buckle up.

It was I believe the summer before my 5th Grade year of school. We used to live on a farm. Every Sunday afternoon, my older brother and I would go help our dad fuel up all the tractors. By now it was so routine. We were just about finished, down to the last 2 tractors. I called dibs on my favorite tractor, the HUGE Massey Ferguson. I started it up and headed over to the fueling area to put Diesel in it. At that point, I was fully-alert that I had to be extra careful because the tractor did have this horizontal piece of Farm Equipment hitched up at the back, which extended several feet on both sides of the tractor. No Biggie. I had things under control. I approached the Diesel Pump at an angle because well, I had that Thing hooked up at the back. Remember, I had things under control. Apparently "HAD" is the operative word, as in past tense. I realized the Diesel hose was too short to reach at that angle. In hindsight, what I SHOULD have done was come in from the other direction. It would have been perfect.

But, Nooooooooooo! Suddenly for some weird reason, my alertness and my Having Things Under Control Skills took a break … a friggin' vacation! Substituting, filling in for them … was Stupidity. Inexplicably, I went, "Oh, I know. I'll come in close and parallel to the pumps. The hose should reach then." WHAT? Yep, the wheels had literally been set in motion for disaster. I somehow totally forgot about that piece of Farm Equipment hitched up at the back of the tractor. I backed up and maneuvered the tractor to position it as if I was on some friggin' Starting Line of a Drag Race. I rammed the Throttle Lever cuz I was gonna hit the brake and stop precisely in front of the Pump as per my plan. The tractor took off, almost laying down some rubber on that fantasy Race Track of mine. The next thing I know ….. SMACK! The LOUDEST, most horrible sound you could imagine! The sound woke me up from my Tractor Drag Racer fantasy and I pretty much knew immediately what had happened. I looked back and sure enough, the Gasoline Pump was Remodeled. Okay Okay … Knocked Down! Not only that, but there was this pipe, about 4 inches (Approx 10.5 cm) in diameter, which was broken and gushing out Gasoline! I immediately turned the tractor off, got off and started running towards where my dad was, about 100 yards away, fueling up some tractor with propane. I had taken about 7 steps when I remembered something. I ran back and yes, I was right … AND lucky. There WAS a valve there, which I shut off to stop the Gasoline from gushing out. Talk about luck! (A) The pipe break left the valve intact. (B) The Pump's electrical wires weren't broken or pinched, thus NOT igniting the Gasoline. Had that valve broken off, there would have been no way to stop all that Gasoline from that Above Ground HUGE Tank from gushing all out. I would have been in some serious Shit … more than I obviously already was.

By this time, my older brother had come out of the Shop. He's like, "What the heck did you do?" Scared Shitless to go face my dad, I tried to get my brother to go tell him. My brother was like, "Ah Uh! No way! YOU go tell him!" I had no choice, but to embark on that slow, long, agonizing walk over to where my dad and this other man were with that other tractor. I finally got there. My dad and that man were in the middle of some conversation. So, who was I to interrupt them? I didn’t want to be rude, you know. Plus, I was in no rush to reveal to them my unauthorized Gasoline Pump Remodeling Project. Finally I think my dad asked me what I wanted. We were talking in Spanish. Anyway, I mumbled what had to be the stupidest, most ridiculous, incorrect answer. Are y’all ready? Get this. I actually had the audacity to mumble, to CLAIM, "The Pump FELL Down." They were like, "What?" I repeated, "The Pump FELL Down." The man that was there got up on his tractor to get a better view of the Pump area and goes, "The Pump FELL Down? You KNOCKED it Down." My dad was like, "WHAT? He WHAT?"

Woooooooo! Needless to say, my dad was Freaking Out! He was already envisioning that he was gonna get FIRED for my doing. My dad and that man went to survey the damage. Luckily, it being Sunday, the Boss wasn't there. So, my dad and that man immediately engaged in fixing and covering up my MESS. They put the Pump back up and fixed the broken pipe. A whole mess of dirt was spread over the Gasoline that had spilled. Now everyone had their fingers crossed that the Pump was going to actually work what with being bullied by me. Whew! It did work. It only suffered an obvious dent on the side and now had a slight screeching sound.

Again, needless to say, my dad was seriously Pissed at me. Out of anger, he goes, I NEVER want to see you around here again. That was in reference to that it being summer, I actually was sort of his Assistant / Gofer there in the Farm Mechanic Shop during the weekdays too. Well, I took that literally. So, come Monday morning, I wasn't getting ready. My dad is like, "Why are you NOT ready yet?" I go, "Well, you told me you didn't want to see me over there again." My dad goes, "Will you stop messing around and get READY?" So, people, my advice is: If you ever engage in any Tractor Drag Racing Fantasy … check for and remember if you have any Farm Equipment hooked up in the back.

Have you ever engaged in joking around and had it go awry? No, I'm not talking about a joke slightly missing the mark and not being funny and / or slightly offending someone. With a slightly offensive joke, one can explain the intent and everyone lives happily ever after. I'm talking about engaging in joking around that not only went run of the mill awry, but rather went seriously Off the Tracks! I'm talking Friendship-obliterating / annihilating awry to the molecular level. I'm talking industrial-strength FUBAR! Now I have another "Destruction of a Friendship" Post earlier in my Blog. But, see … in that incident, the Friendship destruction was inescapably evident as it was going down. In that one, you could see the Shit Hitting the Fan in Slow Motion. That in contrast to what in this week's Doozy I can only describe as having been the work of Nuclear Ninja Shoelaces. It happened so quickly, efficiently, with the stealth mode of a Ninja and the destructive power of a Nuclear Bomb. One moment I was jokingly asking for help with footwear securement. The next thing I know, a Mushroom Cloud gets pointed out to me and I am informed that while I was out to lunch, I had just vaporized a Friendship. Follow me as I take you through what can happen when due to cultural differences unbeknownst to one, a joking around bit can go horribly wrong.

The year was 2002. This Vietnamese lady, Kim, about 60 years old had transferred to our department at work. One day she decided to demonstrate her comedic prowess with some joke, which now escapes me. She then declared that we had to joke around so as not to get bored and so we could bond and become one big happy family … Blah Blah Blah. The rest of us conveyed that, "Sure! Whatever. We have no problem with that. We're into Joking & Razzing. Game On. Bring It!"

Now … at this place, we had to wear these special Static-dissipative Shoes to prevent static buildup, which can damage electronic components. We weren't supposed to wear those shoes outside the building. So, on this particular day, it was lunchtime and thus, I was changing into my regular shoes so as to go out to lunch. I then ever so casually and innocuously went, "Hey, Kim, you want to tie my shoelaces?" Not saying anything, Kim just nodded No. I then added, "C'mon, Kim! I'll give you 25¢." Again, Kim just nodded No. With one last-ditch effort, I made her an offer I thought she wouldn't be able to refuse, "C'mon, Kim! I'll give you 25¢ per shoe. 50¢ per shoe?" She turned me down cold with both of my generous offers. So, I cut my losses and tied my own shoelaces. I went off to lunch.

Now I ask y'all. What in the above apprentice level kidding around was offensive? As far as I knew, everything I said was downright Kindergarten usage Safe. Little did I know what I had just done. When I came back from lunch, this Vietnamese co-worker dude goes, "Hey, Carlos, what did you tell Kim?" I go, "Why? What happened?" The dude reiterates, "Just tell me. What did you tell Kim?" I replied, "I simply asked her if she would tie my shoelaces. I also added that I'd give her 25¢ and 50¢ per shoe. That's it." Co-worker dude goes, "Oh Man! You went and did it. She now HATES your Guts!" Positively perplexed, I inquire, "WHY? What did I do? I see nothing wrong with what I said." It was then that the Vietnamese dude explained to me that in Vietnamese culture, an Older person just doesn't tie a Younger person's shoes. Apparently my asking Kim to tie my shoelaces was some HUGE ultimate insult Slap in the Face. So, I told Vietnamese dude, "Well, Shit! How the Fugg was I supposed to know that in Vietnamese culture my shoelaces tying joking around bit was an insult? We are in the USA. Since when, is that particular Vietnamese culture infraction and others common knowledge here? Besides, she's the one who fancied herself the Big Time Jokester." Vietnamese dude added, "Well, I’m just telling you what she said. She HATES you. She never wants to talk to you again. She wants nothing to do with you again." Another co-worker would later echo the same Info as told to him by Kim about me supposedly being the Offensive Slimeball.

Theoretically, I guess I could have apologized for the misunderstanding and joking gone wild. But, for starters, I was adamant that I did nothing wrong. She over-reacted Big Time. Plus, the way it was explained to me, Kim pretty much didn't even want to hear my voice. So, I figured, "Ehhh, Fugg the apology then." It got REALLY awkward because shortly after that, there were Layoffs and it ended up being just Kim and me working in that closed in room. There was absolute ZERO conversation for hours or entire days at a time. Only some rare absolute work-related brief questions broke the tension-filled silence.

This No Speaking Terms Awkwardness lasted for about 2 months until one day I showed up to pick up my paycheck and I found Kim crying there. I THINK it was I who finally took the high road and broke Radio Silence and asked her what was wrong. She told me her mom was very sick back in Viet Nam. Well, that brief Chat thawed out our Icy relationship. We got back on speaking terms. They were then closing down that place where we worked. So, one day Kim asked me if I would do her Résumé for her since she knew I was very good with MS Word. Externally, I went, "Sure!" However, internally, I was thinking, "You want me to WHAT? You want me to do your Résumé? You want a FAVOR from me … a Computer Skills favor from me? ME … the person who was informed by my friends that you were spreading rumors that I did nothing, but play on the computer all day long?" You see, what mouth trigger happy Kim didn't take into consideration was that there at the end, on Fridays there were 3 of us Techs there, with only enough workload for almost not even 1 Tech. So, as the Senior Tech, I'd let the 2 other Techs handle the scraps of little work available. I would keep myself busy creating and updating our Official Procedures on the computer. I was engaged in serious, detailed work, but Kim went and spread rumors that I did nothing, but Goof Off. In hindsight, what I should have done was to have untied my shoelaces and gone, "You want me to do your Résumé … you're going to HAVE to tie my shoelaces! THAT is my only deal. Take it or leave it."

In a closing funny bit, the word had gotten around that I was doing Résumés. So, one afternoon at quitting time, as I exited the room where I worked, I was ambushed by this lady whom I had never even met. She just up and blurted, "Hey! Can you do me next?" Whoa! Interesting offer … Err, question. I should have joked, "What do you think I'm running here … a Gigolo Service?" In response to the interesting question, I went, "I … Uhhh …" The lady realizing how her question came out, quickly amended it, "Résumé! Can you do my Résumé next?"