Suntana

Archive: January 2010

New Old-fashioned Butt Kicking

Sunday, January 17, 2010 6:30:11 AM

Once upon a time, someone got their Butt kicked. They later got revenge. The guy got the girl and they lived happily ever after.

The End
Thanks everyone for dropping by to visit and for reading my story.

Whoa Whoa WHOA! CUT!!!

C'mon, Suntana! WTF was that? What's with the half-baked brutal Intro? And where's the finesse and Texas-sized detail? We want some elaboration.

C'mon, tell us. Who got their Butt kicked? Did they ask for it and did they deserve it? And why is the Old-fashioned Butt Kicking --- New?

Okay, so you twisted my arm. I'll elaborate on all that stuff.
It was 2 weeks ago today that the aforementioned New Old-fashioned Butt Kicking transpired and / or was administered. The story actually starts on the day prior to the Butt Kicking. That Friday evening, I got a phone call. It was my friend. She goes, "Hey, we're going to need your help. We need your computer services." I go, "Okay, what happened this time?" My friend goes, "Oh no, it's NOT like that. It's actually sorta Good News. We bought a new computer. Well, it's used, but it's newer and more powerful than the one we have. We bought it from my husband's sister. We need you to come set it up for us." I asked, "Is it Windows XP or Vista?" My friend replies, "Nnnnggg, I don't know. I can't remember." It was of course my preference and I was hoping that their new computer had Windows XP since by now I am of course pretty familiar with it. If their new computer had Windows XP, that would give me the opportunity to show up like a Marvel Comics Super Hero

… King Shit Computer Wizard Guru Master Know-It-All.

I would be a sight to behold. I would amaze, mesmerize and enthrall my friends with my computer prowess. I would go in there with a swagger of confidence and in some short amount of time, I'd just Click Click Click. BAMM BAMM BAMM! Bada Bing Bada Bang! Zip Bam Boom! Mouse away here … Mouse away there and I'd be finished. I'd be like, "I'm DONE! Y'all's new computer is up & running. Y'all are good to go. Now now, C'mon! Get up off the floor. No 'We're not worthies' are necessary."

At least THAT was the plan.

Enter Stage Right … Reality.

After I flew there, as any mainstream Super Hero would do, I swaggered in and removed my Cape as it was gonna be getting in the way.

I went over to see this Child's Play, Piece of Cake computer that needed setting up. Well, it was this HP Tablet computer that I THINK was theoretically considered to be in the "Mobile" category. Uh Hmm. Yeah, right! Mobile. That computer was Mobile if you consider lifting up and carrying a car engine, Mobile.

That Fugger was HEAVY! I don't know what was inside that computer, but for some unseen reason, that Sucker was a LOT heavier than what it looked. It had to be the heaviest computer I have ever lifted.

Anyway, I first proceeded to transfer whatever Files, Docs, Etc. they had on their old computer, onto my Flash Drive. Then I spent about an hour just wiping out as many programs and Software Apps remnants I could find anywhere that needed to be uninstalled or removed.

Finally it was time to hook up and fire up the Behemoth Beast of an alleged "Mobile" Tablet computer. It was then that I noticed the first thing I didn't like. Okay, so I guess you could say it wasn't so much a case of me NOT liking that thing, but it was something with which I wasn't familiar. This computer had a Wireless Mouse and a Wireless Keyboard. Oh Goodie.

I powered up the computer. Then the Biggie of the Suntana's Super Hero Show friends-mesmerizing plan-unraveling fest was divulged. I found Windows Vista thrust into my eyes for the first time ever.

Oh Fugg! Son of the BEACH! Just what I didn't want. I have ZERO experience with Windows Vista. And when you throw in the Wireless Mouse and Wireless Keyboard, I was in serious uncharted territory here. I was like, "Don’t panic. Never let them see you sweat. How hard can this be? You figured out Windows XP in no time flat. You'll just engage in some Mousing & Clicking around and in a couple of minutes you'll have Windows Vista eating out of your hand."

Enter Stage Left … Reality: The Sequel
As the computer was Booting Up, I immediately realized the Wireless Mouse was NOT working. And neither was the Wireless Keyboard.

The computer finished Booting Up and not a creature was stirring … NOT even a Mouse.

Crap! So, I got the stack of documentation for the computer and searched for how to get the Fugging Wireless Mouse and Keyboard to work. Ahhh! I found it … the section on how to manually sync the Mouse and the Keyboard to the computer. I'd soon get back to my Super Hero duties, or so I thought. I performed the Wireless Mouse / Keyboard Syncing Procedure to the letter several times to no avail.

Being all out of ideas, I asked my friend's husband if he could call his sister to see if she knew why the Wireless Mouse & Wireless Keyboard weren't working. He did get a hold of his sister. She goes, "Ummm, did you connect the Sensor?" I go, "The Sensor? What Sensor?" She goes, "It's this Mouse-looking thing." I immediately went, "Ohhh! Okay, I saw that and didn't really know what it was for. Okay. Got it! I'll hook it up. Thanks." I thought, "Yeah, Baby! I'll have that Wireless Mouse and Wireless Keyboard working like a fine-tuned Racecar engine in just a minute." I hooked up that Sensor / Receiver thing and again Booted Up the computer. And it was 2nd verse, same as the first. That's right. Still NO Mouse or Keyboard activity. Double Fugg!

We called up that woman again and asked her if she had any more bright ideas on why the Mouse & Keyboard were still not working. She said that's all she knew because really this other guy did all her computer setup & maintenance. We called up that guy. He said that really the Mouse & Keyboard SHOULD be syncing up just simply by Booting Up the computer. He said he had never had to perform the manual syncing procedure. He suggested that maybe the batteries were Low and needed replacing. So, we put in some new batteries in both the Mouse and the Keyboard. I Booted Up the computer and AGAIN still NO Mouse or Keyboard activity!

DAMN! Talk about a thorough, royal Old-fashioned Butt Kicking that I was being administered courtesy of NEW technology. By that time I was sure NOT feeling like King Shit Computer Wizard Guru Master Know-It-All Super Hero.

I was officially lost and out of ideas. But, WAIT! What's this? I spotted something I had NOT noticed before. On that Sensor / Receiver thing, blended in to where it was hard to see, there was what appeared to be a Button. I go, "Hmmm? I wonder if it could be THIS simple? Could this possibly be the cause of my Wireless Mouse / Wireless Keyboard quagmire Blues?" I pressed the subtle little Button and immediately 3 LEDs on the Sensor / Receiver started blinking alternately left & right. I tried out the Mouse and the Keyboard and VOILA! That was it!

It was THAT simple.

An ON Button on the Sensor / Receiver unit. What a concept. How quaint. How embarrassing.

I can't believe the thorough Butt Kicking I received and an ON Button was all it was.

Unfortunately, I encountered yet another obstacle. I wasn't able to get their Roadrunner Highspeed Internet installed. I have no experience in that area, which I had told my friends from the get go. Of course, we had been counting on that Roadrunner Tech Support would be able to easily guide us through the Steps. No such luck. With Tech Support Dude's accent being difficult to understand and with my friend's husband's Cellphone having horrible sound, I was missing probably 50% of what I was being told. We got nowhere. The Tech Support Dude claimed we needed a newer Driver CD. I think he just wanted to get rid of me.

My friends finally ended up having to get that other Computer Maintenance Dude whom we had called about the Mouse & Keyboard, to install their Highspeed Internet later in the week since he did have experience doing that.

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Back to the Future

Friday, January 1, 2010 4:56:33 AM

Alright, ladies & gentlemen … Step right up! Come on in. Welcome to Suntana's Blog Trek New Year's Eve Party 2009!

Now now, behave, y'all. No pushing and shoving. No scratching, clawing, hair pulling or eye gouging. There's plenty of room for everyone in here. At ease, just relax and y'all will be treated to a good time. I bet none of y'all had any idea when y'all chose THIS New Year's Eve Blog Party at which to go wild, that y'all would be attending a party like no other party before in the history of Partydom. Wait a minute. Who am I kidding? Of course y'all knew. I mean, what other kind of party WOULD I throw?

Yep, just to give you a Heads Up, in just minutes, y'all will be treated to a history-making party. Why history-making, y'all may ask? Because that's what the Party Flyers that I put on your car windshields said, didn't they?

Well, that and because really at this New Year's Eve Party I am also celebrating a historical achievement of epic proportions. I am talking mind-boggling here! No one here on the Opera Community thought I'd ever achieve this stratospheric pinnacle, goal after such an arduous journey. Heck, I myself doubted I'd ever get to rub elbows with those other lucky people in this … this other dimension, which is practically an alternate reality existing only in the future!

But, be patient. In just a bit, I'll get to elaborating on just exactly WTF that mumbo jumbo was of which I was babbling about and rambling on.

I have to let the anticipation build up until it reaches a fever pitch. So, I'll just let the story unfold in the order of how the events transpired that led to the history making.

It was Christmas morning 2009. I had Menudo for breakfast. Wait!

Heyyy! Shhhhh! C'mon, quiet, everyone. Settle down. I am honored by the gesture, but hold the Standing Ovation for a bit later. My eating Menudo for breakfast on Christmas morning was NOT my history-making event. Okay, now, much better. The Menudo was very good and tasty. For lunch, I had Tamales and Macaroni Salad. I see y'all getting anxious. Nope, NOT yet. Don't stand up yet. Hold the applause a little longer.

No tears of joy needed quite just yet, but I am touched at seeing y'all's eagerness to help me celebrate. The Tamales and Macaroni Salad made for a nice lunch.

Later on, more people arrived. Christmas presents were passed around and opened. One of the presents I received were some PJ's. I can certainly use PJ's.

WHAT? No Standing Ovation? Just Kidding!

I see y'all finally got with the program. That's right. My getting PJ's for Christmas was NOT the history-making event. I've enjoyed the concept of PJ's for many years. So, moving on. I also received a nice, top-notch Norelco Electric Shaver. I see y'all looking at each other, unsure. Nope! NOT the event yet of which is the co-reason for this huge celebration. It was an awesome Electric Shaver. Nnnnggg, there was just one problem. I don't use Electric Shavers.

In fact, several years ago, I specifically asked for an Electric Shaver for Christmas and I did get it. After about 3 shaves, I waved the white flag and gave up. The Electric Shaver irritated my neck too much.

I immediately knew that nice as that Electric Shaver was, I'd better NOT even pretend to make a go of it and try to use it. It would end up sitting in a drawer unused … a wasted Christmas Present. I asked my Sister-in-Law where she got it. She said she got it at Target. I didn't get around to asking her if she had the receipt before she left. Later, I casually mentioned to my Dad that I was gonna have to exchange that Electric Shaver because I certainly wasn't gonna use it. I added that I had a certain other thing in mind for which I wanted to exchange it. My Dad went, "Nooooo! Don't exchange it. I want it. I need it. I'll take it. Look in the Internet. Find out how much it costs. I'll give you whatever this other thing you want to get costs."

Later on, when I managed to get on the Internet, I looked up the cost of both the Electric Shaver and the thing I wanted to get. Just as I figured, the thing I wanted to get was definitely cheaper than the Electric Shaver. That was Cool. No problem. I just much rather preferred to have a cheaper thing that I was gonna use than have a more expensive thing that I was NOT going to use. So, the deal was made. My Dad got the Electric Shaver over which he was drooling.

I see y'all are REALLY getting anxious to hear about the history-making event. Well, suffer no more. We are finally at the unveiling of my mind-boggling, trail-blazing, revolutionary trek into … Back to the Future territory!

Alright, y'all … loosen up those knee joints and shake those hands. Clear your throats and moisten your lips. Get ready for that Standing Ovation, the applause and the cheering and whistling. Get the confetti ready.

So, the next day I went to Walmart. Wait! Hold it. I've been to Walmart before. So, THAT's not it. That's the prelude to the event. I navigated the maze of isles inside the Walmart like a Jet Fighter Pilot homing in on his target. I reached my wider scope target … the Electronics department. I circled the perimeter of the target area. I studied the detailed intricacies of the more detailed inner target … aka the Thing I Wanted to Get. I had to confirm accuracy of the inner target with 100% certainty. When the inner target was ascertained to irrefutably match the goal of my mission, I engaged Radar Lock. Beep Beep Beep! Just like that, it was over. Two direct hits. BAMM BAMM!

That's right. I purchased NOT one, but TWO Flash Drives!

Yep, I am now the excited and proud owner of two PNY 2 Gig Flash Drives. With my other computer, my Windows 98SE Gateway, I can make Backups of my stuff on CDs as that one has a CD Burner. But, on THIS computer, my Windows XP HP Pavilion, I cannot make CD Backups of my stuff as it does NOT have a CD Burner.

All this time that I've had this computer, about a year or so, I've been operating on the hope that nothing serious went wrong and I'd lose everything.

Yeah, for quite a while there, it seemed like I would never get to enter that elite club of Flash Drive Owners … aka just about everyone else who owns a computer. But, here I am now, walking on the Red Carpet inside of Club Flash Drive.

Did I not tell y'all I had made history?

NOW y'all can engage in that Standing Ovation, applause, cheering & whistling, confetti tossing, cartwheels, tears of joy, champagne drinking, dancing and singing as y'all help me celebrate my ownership of 2 Flash Drives!

And of course, enjoy the rest of your New Year's Eve activities, whatever they may be. ME? I'm about to go engage in my New Year's Eve tradition ... watching the movie About Last Night.

92 comments