Suntana's Blog Trek

Ooooooo! Doesn't that title just give you the absolute chills? Even your goose bumps get goose bumps, right? With yesterday having been Halloween, I really wanted to get a Post up and especially certainly one with a title like that. It would certainly have hit the spot. But, I lost a little bit of time in the morning when I went to go do some periodic maintenance on my friends' computer. Then after I got back, I tried to do my best Tom Cruise Maverick impression and thread the needle and break the rules. I tried to engage in this project and that project, while as time passed, maintaining the Cocky assertive and confident … perhaps foolish and ill-advised attitude that, "Heyyy! I can pull all of this off with the ease of a Flying Trapeze. A Post to write? No problem. It's child's play. I still have a couple of hours before I have to start writing." Then after an extended game of procrastination, my ole nemesis shows up. That's right. My dreaded, formidable adversary – Dr. Somnolence! The next thing I knew …

That brings me to this morning. My friend Peppermint aka Linda (L2D2) inquired as to whether we had remembered to set our clocks back last night here in the USA. Now what kind of question is that? What kind of short attention span, focus-challenged, disorganized idiot would forget to change their clocks? It's only done twice a year. It's NOT Rocket Science or Brain Surgery. When it comes time to do it, you just do it! Does someone have to spoon feed you a reminder? Sheesh! Some people! What's that, you ask? Ohhh, you want me to stop rambling and just answer the question? Just one question … what WAS the question? Oh Ohhh, that's right. Did I remember to change my clocks back last night so as to be in the correct flow of things this morning? Uhhh … Ummm, Damn! Why couldn't y'all just be cooperative and fall for my diversionary tactics attempts? Okay Okay! I have to confess. NO, I did NOT remember to change my clocks back last night. I'm serious. There I was … getting up at 5:15AM. Or WAS I? All I knew was that the night before was Halloween. That's all that was ingrained in my head. So, as usual, I routinely went and showered. It wasn't until I was already dressing that it dawned on me that I was supposed to have set my clocks back the night before. Auuuggghhh! I had actually woken up at 4:15AM as per the new time. I missed out on that extra hour of sleep! It was obviously now too late to try and just lie down and get those extra Zzzz’s. I was already officially in up and about mode. Fugg! Son of the BEACH! Ehhh, I'll probably take some involuntary naps this evening to make up for it.

Be that Screwup as it may, it's time to reveal the complex, twist & turn-riddled Scare Fest of a story behind that title. Hmmm? I don't know. Maybe I should reveal only 1 sentence of it per week. Otherwise, if I unleash it all at once, I can't be sure that I wouldn't be exposing y'all to an over the legal limit of fear, shock, terror, horror and permanent mental scarring. Nnnnggg, Nah! I'll go ahead with my little adventure.

This flashback will take us back to when I was in the 3rd Grade. My family lived in this pecan farming community outside this small New Mexico town. We had just moved there early that Summer. We had come over from a small town in Texas. There was a main street that divided the community into two sections. My older brother, who was in the 6th Grade, and I had made one main friend there. His name was Lalo. Lalo was OK, despite his propensity for lying and exaggerating. The reason I specify "one main friend" is cuz we sorta had 2 other friends … sorta … I guess. Friend #2 was also from our side of the main street. His name was Sergio. Now the reason Sergio was only a sorta friend was because his allegiance as a friend was questionable. He was moody and periodically fraternized with the guys from the OTHER side of the main street! OMG! Heck, he too was infamous for his lying, probably running neck and neck with Lalo. WHAT, y'all are probably wondering, was so wrong with fraternizing with the guys from the other side of the main street? You know … at this time, I no longer quite remember anymore. As best as I can very vaguely recall, between Lalo and Sergio, they had painted those guys across the main street out to be these menacing, nefarious bunch of Hoods.

If it was any consolation, at least Lalo was ONLY a Lying Exaggerator. Sergio was a Liar with suspected Backstabbing skills. Sergio was like a Double Agent. We didn't trust him NOT to go blab to his other friends, the Hoods … Ummm, alleged Hoods, what we'd be talking about over here on our side of the street at our Headquarters. It didn't help matters any that Lalo and Sergio didn't per se like each other. So, who knows? They might have been trying to out-lie each other.

Our 3rd friend was named Carlos … aka Carli. Carli? WTF? That's too close to Carly. Anyway, he was actually from the other side of the main street. Double OMG! Now this Carli was also someone whom we never really did trust either. Yep, we suspected him also of possible Backstabberish Double Agent activity in that Cloak & Dagger quagmire that was our community.
Liars and Exaggerators and Backstabbers, Oh My!
Liars and Exaggerators and Backstabbers, Oh My!
Liars and Exaggerators and Backstabbers, Oh My!

To reiterate … by now, it's difficult to pinpoint WHY, but for some reason, a riff had developed between our little group of my older brother, Lalo and I vs. the guys on the other side of the main street. The probable theory is that either Backstabber Sergio or Backstabber Carli had something to do with having planted the seed with the other guys about us. As it was, it was no secret that it had been conveyed that they were out to get us. That's right, as in if those other guys got the opportunity to get us in a face to face situation, they were gonna administer us a Beat Down.

One afternoon, my brother, Lalo and I were out bike riding. We stopped on our side of the street to watch as the Hoods were playing Football on a field on the other side of the street. They saw us and actually yelled out, "Heyyy! Y'all wanna come and play? We can use some more guys." We were like, "No! Are y'all kidding? Y'all just want to gang up on us and beat us up!" They were like, "No! That's NOT true. That was just some misunderstanding."

I'm a bit foggy with the details of why or how, but I do definitely recall that somehow, for some reason, somewhere around that time, we started --- Throwing Fingers at them! I'm NOT 100% sure, but I wanna say that it was Lalo who started it in response to them trying to get us to go over to their turf where they were playing Football … presumably to beat us up. So, I THINK it was Lalo conveying in essence, "Y'all want us to go over THERE to supposedly play Football? Here y'all go …" :::The FINGER::: Then I guess my brother and I followed in Lalo's bad influence footsteps. By the time we had any time to consider any possible ramifications of our actions, we had already dished out a FINGER Fest at the Hoods … from a distance, of course. I guess it just didn't occur to us that we could run into any of those Hoods at anytime there around the community.

That unexpected day did come about. One afternoon, my brother, Lalo and I were again out bike riding. We happened to be stopped at that same spot where we had executed the infamous Finger Throwing Fest. We were caught off guard. We looked behind us and 3 of the Hoods had come upon us on their bikes. There was no time to head for the hills. Crap! I'll paraphrase, but the bigger of the 3 Hoods went something like, "Well, well, look who we have here! It seems I recall the last time we saw each other, y'all were boldly throwing fingers at us." We were scared out of our wits as we imagined the Beat Down that was about to likely ensue. I can't remember if it was my brother or Lalo, but one of them came up with the quick-thinking, but lame and implausible excuse / explanation that, "Oh, No! We weren't throwing Fingers at y'all. We were Clapping as y'all played Football." The Big Hood was like, "I'm NOT an idiot. I'm pretty sure of what I saw and y'all were laughing and throwing Fingers at us."

We went back & forth with us desperately pleading our case, as ludicrous, lame and implausible as it was. Anything to delay the commencement of the Beat Down and preferably to prevent it all together. Eventually we somehow got out of that mess unscathed. I think Big Hood Dude eventually figured he had scared the Crap out of us enough. Either that or perhaps he eventually felt there was reasonable doubt. MAYBE … he bought our Phantom Finger defense. Yep, maybe we convinced him that there was NO Finger, Fingers or Finger Throwing going on after all.

How is everyone? How are my friends, loyal readers and visitors doing? Is everyone Okay? Oh sure, there might be some of y'all who might be thinking of going Rambo or Billy Jack Berserk on me because I've allegedly been torturing you by making y'all wait for my next Post. Calm down. Take it easy. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat this until you get Woozy and pass out. Then I won't have to write a Post. Just Kidding! Don't repeat too many times. Do it only until you achieve a nice serenity zone. Anyway, the delay in writing my next Post was actually for y'all's benefit, or at least for SOME of y'all's benefit. Yes, I am that nice of a guy. I have y'all's best interest and well being in mind. There was talk on the grapevine that after my last Post, several of my loyal readers wound up in therapy and that sales of Pepto-Bismol and Mylanta rose because of my Post's Ummm … stomach-exercising nature. So yeah, apparently there were some minor cases of pain and suffering and mental anguish and stuff. Rumors of a lynching have NOT been confirmed. Whew! Consequently, I took some extra time off before writing my next Post so as to allow everyone to recuperate from my last Post.

Recently, my friend Lucy (Lovinmalamutes) put up a Post about funny things we all do and embarrassing situations in which we all get ourselves stuck all the way up to our elbows or maybe even our neck. It was a buffet of hilarious incidents. Granted we all have our share of incidents that while they weren't funny as they were going down, they're nevertheless funny NOW. A lot of times we are innocent bystanders minding our own business when happenstance pushes us into the quicksand of ---
When Duh Moments Happen to Good People.

Flashback to Ohhh, I believe it was around the time that I was in the 4th Grade in school. As I've mentioned on other occasions, at that time, we lived out on a farm. My Dad was a Wizard as the Farm Mechanic. The very essence of Mechanics was in his blood. If he cut himself, he'd probably bleed wrenches, gears or something along those lines. Okay, so I embellish a tad. I'm trying to set the tone here. With me being the son of the Genius Mechanic who bled tools and oil when he cut himself, it stood to reason that all of that was in MY blood as well, right? After all, I did hang out with him … observing with an eagle eye. I was assimilating, soaking up all this Mechanics erudition like a sponge. Possibly a future Master Mechanic was being molded about like a Claymation Cartoon.

So, one day after lunch, my Dad casually mentioned that he had to put some oil in the transmission of our Rambler Station Wagon. I immediately saw the perfect opportunity to not only be a ready, willing and able helper, but it would provide the perfect opportunity to showcase my Mechanic skills and get some practice in the process. All excitedly, I volunteered, in similar fashion to the Horshack style that would come much later on the TV Show Welcome Back Kotter … "Ooooooo Ooooooo Ooooooo! I'll do it! Let me! I know how to do this.!" Cautiously, my Dad inquires, "Are you SURE? I'm NOT talking about Engine Oil. I'm talking about Transmission Oil." Without blinking, stuttering or hesitating, I reiterated, "YES! I know the difference between the Engine Oil and the Transmission Oil. I know EXACTLY where to check the Transmission Oil and where to add Transmission Oil. I've seen it before."

With me being as convincing of my Mechanic skills as a Used Car Salesman is of his claim that a Used Car is in great condition, my Dad bought my pitch. He then gave me carte blanche to go to it. Git'r DUN! A 4th Grader was now on a mission to go check and add Transmission Oil to the transmission of the family Station Wagon. What could go wrong? After all, said 4th Grader Mechanic Prodigy swore he knew what he was doing. I'm sure 4th Graders add Transmission Oil to transmissions all over the world everyday, right?

I got out there to our Station Wagon. I opened up the hood as all Certified Mechanics do. I skillfully found the Dipstick for checking the Transmission Oil. Yes, the Transmission Oil, NOT the Engine Oil. C'mon, y'all, give me a break. Remember, I said I knew EXACTLY where everything was. With my vast … Ummm, days or conceivably weeks of experience, I confirmed, "Yep! It sure does need a little bit of oil."

I proceeded to add some Transmission Oil. I checked the Dipstick again. Hmmm? It didn't make much difference. Being as detail-oriented back then as I am nowadays, I had to make sure I added the proper amount of oil so as to have the Level Indicator precisely on Full. So, I added MORE Transmission Oil. I then checked the Dipstick again. Hmmm? That was odd. I had added virtually an entire quart of Transmission Oil and the friggin' Dipstick was still at the same level, still needing more oil.

I went back inside and asked my Dad, "Do you have anymore Transmission Oil?" My Dad goes, "What for? Didn't you have a quart of Transmission Oil?" I go, "Yes, but I added it all and the Dipstick STILL indicates that it needs plenty more." My Dad now officially concerned, decided to now check out the situation himself. My Dad checked the Dipstick for the Transmission Oil and sure enough, it DID still need more oil. Going through the motions, my Dad goes, "Well, where were you adding the Transmission Oil?" I showed him, "Right here." Immediately, my Dad was, "WHAT? Auuuggghhh! That is where the Engine Oil goes! You added Transmission Oil into the Engine! Now I'm gonna have to drain the oil from the engine. You told me you knew what you were doing!" It was only then that I realized that yes, I DID normally know the difference of where the Transmission Oil went and where the Engine Oil went, but I just plain ole had a Duh Moment whereby my brain just temporarily took a nap. I knew better. I really DID. I was just victim to a plain ole lack of focus and a ginormous case of temporary stupidity.

My relentless, over-exuberance had written a check that my ability to deliver could NOT cash.