Suntana's Blog Trek

Okay, how shall I put this subtly and euphemistically? I HATE Cookouts!
Whoa! Who said that? :::Looking around nervously for a Cookout Lovers Lynch Mob:::
Now Now … Hold off on that Tar & Feathers. And put away that Rope. Let me explain. Don’t get me wrong. I love the FOOD itself. I love the succulent Steaks, Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Sausages, Shish Kabobs when grilled to perfection. And I love the accompanying dishes associated with Cookouts --- Potato Salad, Macaroni Salad, Ranch Style Beans, Chips & Dips, Cakes & Ice Cream … AND whatever other Mouth-watering-inducing / Bib Bait Goodies happen to cover the self-serve buffet tables.

Now … if some self-proclaimed King of the Hill / King of the Grill, Master Griller wants to cook the meats OUTSIDE … FINE! Go for it. Knock yourself out. Do it … and then bring the friggin’ cooked meats back INSIDE. Right … THAT inside. The inside comprised of a roof, walls, air-conditioner and such.

So yeah, I don’t have a problem with the Cooking Outside aspect of a Cookout. I have a beef with the EATING Outside aspect of a Cookout. I don’t enjoy that for one minute at all. I absolutely HATE, despise, loathe the Flies that never fail to show up. I usually take it upon myself to become the designated Fly Swatter. But, it is a lost cause. It seems like for every fly I kill, 2 or 3 replace it. I finally wave the white flag. I attempt to serve myself a plate and attempt to eat. I do this while by then in a bad mood and shooing off Flies endlessly. Throw in wind and the smell of Dog Shhhh … Uhhh, Dog Doo. I’ll be thinking all along, "There is a perfectly available and functional Indoors. WTF are we doing outside in these gross, unsanitary, unhealthy, Fly-infested, smelly conditions?"

The Eating Out aspect of Cookouts should be banned. I don’t know. I just don’t get that rush, enjoyment or whatever from eating outdoors that I guess other people do. I just cannot think away, cannot psych myself up to be oblivious to the Flies, unpleasant smells and wind blowing away my plate. Other people are like, "Oh, just don’t think about it too much. The Flies are harmless. It’s all part of the show." I’m like, "Uh Hmm. Yeah … Righhhhht." I sorta think to myself at their attempts to humor away my nightmare, "You want to go to the moon? You want to go to the Friggin' MOON? Bang - Zoom!"