Suntana's Blog Trek

Again, my youngest sister suggested a topic to me about which I should write. She went, "Hey, you should write about your Band Days. There MUST have been some adventures / incidents in there somewhere." Ohhh Yeahhh! How true that is. I don't think any musician is officially a musician until they've encountered adventures and incidents.

Let me set the Suntana Time Machine to 1980 something. PzzzzzzzKlifffshhh! Crap! The Time Machine didn't work. Maybe if I put on Huey Lewis & the News' cassette of Back In Time. THERE! Now I can get this adventure started.

There was this local Shady, Slimy Promoter of sorts. From here on, I'll refer to him as Shady. We didn't exactly trust him. But, Ehhh, sometimes a Gig's a Gig. So, periodically we took on Gigs from him. He was like a Middleman. People with some event / occasion would call him and he'd find them a Band. One day he called us on short notice. He informed us that this Band whom he had hired to play at a Quinceañera Party, was not going to be able to make it. For those unfamiliar with the term, a Quinceañera is the Mexican equivalent of a girl's Sweet 16 Party, except at 15 years of age, so in essence, a Sweet 15 Party. Anyway, Shady asked if we were available to take on the Gig. We were available, so we took on the Gig. We asked him if the Party's people knew of this change in Bands … would they be expecting us? Shady guaranteed us that, "Oh yeah! I'll be informing them. No problem. Y'all are good to go. Everything's all set."

The weekend … Saturday Night comes up. We arrive at the dance hall. We start unloading our musical equipment. Very quickly, a man, whom I will from here on refer to as Scumball, comes up to us and goes, "Whoa Whoa, Hold On, there! Who are you guys and what are y'all doing here?" We go, "We're the Band." Scumball inquires, "And what Band would that be?" We informed him who we were. He just nonchalantly and matter-of-factly, goes, "Well, don't bother setting up. You all aren't playing here tonight." We pointed out, "Well, we were hired to play here tonight and that's what we're doing." Scumball inquired, "And who hired you all?" We informed him of the deal with Shady. Scumball goes, "Oh, Okay. Well, yes, that IS whom I dealt with. But, this is my daughter's day. She wanted a specific Band. That's whom we asked for. That's whom we hired. That's whom we want. And that's who's playing here tonight." We informed Scumball, "We are aware of what Band was supposed to play here tonight. But, Shady told us that for some reason or other, that Band was NOT going to be able to make it. He asked if we could fill in and we accepted the Gig. He told us he would inform you and everything would be OK." Scumball goes, "Well, No, Shady didn't inform me and everything's NOT OK. My daughter wanted that Band and that's whom she's going to get." Trying to keep our Cool, we try, "Look … we happen to know for a fact that that Band is NOT showing up here tonight. We are aware you wanted them and not us. The reality is that we are it! We are the only thing that is standing in the way of your daughter's Party ending up in disaster. If you are absolutely 100% sure that you want us to leave, we can do so. Just know that once we leave, there is no turning back. There is NO Band coming in after us … NOT the one you wanted and NOT any other. You WILL be stuck with a big dance hall full of people expecting to dance to some LIVE music … and NO Band. You can then explain to your daughter why there will be NO Band at her Party. So, what's it going to be? Should we start setting up … or should we leave?"

Scumball STILL wasn't 100% resigned to the fact that his daughter's Band of choice was NOT showing up that night. But, he was finally starting to show signs of fear as he pondered the possibility that maybe we weren't bluffing and that his relentless Trigger-happy Piehole just might land him in disaster. Scumball suggested that we hold off on the setting up at least while he got Shady on the phone to come down to sort everything out. With the threat of a lawsuit for breach of contract, Scumball got Shady on the phone and told him he'd better get his Ass over here immediately. I guess Scumball wanted to once and for all get rid of that last ditch doubt that we weren't a bunch of Riffraff Rag Tag Music Gig Bandits who had the Real Band hogtied in some ravine by the side of the road.

Shady finally made it to the dance hall. Scumball & Shady went at it. Yadi Yadi Yada … Scumball told Shady that for the breach of contract stunt of switching Bands on him without consulting him, HE (Shady) would have to pay us or else he'd sue him. Shady agreed to pay us, but said that he didn't have that kind of money on him. Shady wanted to go home to get the money. Scumball told Shady, "NOPE! You're not leaving this dance hall without paying the Band first. I don't trust that I'll ever see you again. You call someone to bring you the money." Finally, they came to a somewhat arrangement to where Shady ended up having to leave an expensive Ring and / or Wrist Watch with Scumball as collateral to make sure that Shady came back with the money.

THEN we were allowed to set up. We had to scramble as time was now short. I'm pretty sure we must have started late. I hated when something beyond our control made us look bad. Despite the inauspicious start that night, we quickly won Scumball over. Once he heard us, he no doubt regretted ever having wanting us to get lost. He came over and gave us Kudos, telling us how awesome we were. He even ended up paying us to play an extra hour … after initially practically calling the SWAT Team to take us off the premises.

Ahhh, Yes! The Adventures of Musicians.