Suntana's Blog Trek

In a recent post, I mentioned the High School Club, the FFA (Future Farmers of America). My family lived in a small town during my Junior year in High School. Most guys who took Ag (Agriculture) class were also members of the FFA. We were having a Raffle as a fundraiser. As an incentive for us to sell as most Raffle tickets as possible, the Ag teacher came up with a contest. The class who collectively sold the most Raffle tickets as per the ratio of Students in Class vs. Tickets Sold, would win an all expenses paid Spring Break trip to Padre Island off the Texas Gulf Coast! Granted it WAS to also be a Fishing Trip so as to catch enough fish for this Fish Fry / Awards Ceremony thing that was supposed to be held. But, nevertheless, the incentive as was interpreted by us Ag students, sure conveyed visions of us out on a yacht on the Gulf Coast … with Bikini-clad Waitresses bringing us Refreshments & Food as we fished.

What Suckers we were to fall for this Scam. To this day, I still question whether Padre Island was really ever the true destination. I mean, C'mon! There were only so many, or rather, so few people in our small town to which everyone was trying to sell Raffle tickets. It quickly became evident nowhere near enough money would be raised so as to pay for the extravagant Spring Break Life in the Fast Lane Vacation. Consequently, the Ag teacher up and changed the vacation destination from Padre Island on the Texas Gulf Coast, a true Spring Break destination … to now a Fishing Trip out in a cabin in the Texas Desert near a river. WTF? Talk about Bait & Switch! That's right. The yacht with the Bikini-clad Waitresses would now officially be relegated to our imagination and to TV & Movies. Talk about an incentive killer.

With this shady magician-like prestidigitation that our Ag teacher pulled on us, now nobody even wanted to go on this sorry excuse of a Spring Break Vacation / Fishing Trip. The thing was, fish still needed to be caught for the Fish Fry / Awards Ceremony. So, obviously some Suckers … Oops! I mean, some benevolent, altruistic Volunteers were needed to go on this Fishing Trip. Since I am writing this Post, I obviously got sucked into being one of the said Volunteers by some guilt trip by the Ag teacher. The crew for the Desert Fishing Expedition by the River was set. It consisted of 7 people: the Ag Teacher, the local Boy Scout Troop Master who would be the Cook and assist with other stuff, 2 Senior guys, 2 of my Junior classmates and I.

We departed on our approximately 250-mile trip on 2 SUVs. I don't recall any official drawing of straws, but somehow I wound up being the unfortunate Loser stuck riding with the Ag Teacher and the Old Man Cook, who was about 65 or 70 years old. I didn't even like the Ag Teacher. In fact, he was one of my most Non-favorite Teachers of all time. We finally made it to our Boredom Endurance Boot Camp destination … Err, that is to say, our humble, little --- dilapidated cabin in the desert. We were told, "Make yourselves at home. Choose whatever bed you want." There were spider webs and dust everywhere. I did my best to choose the seemingly least likely spider-infested bed.

Now … for the next 2 weeks, we would have nothing to do, but play dominoes, listen to the same 5 or so Country music cassettes over and over … and take our turn over by the river, tending to Fishing activity. It was Boredom to the Power of 10. With that and us being in a desert cabin, y'all are probably wondering just how exactly did we ever wind up getting in trouble, right? Hey, we were very resourceful! But, seriously, since there was not going to be any yacht and any Bikini-clad Waitresses out there in the desert, an Alternative Master Plan for Fun had been half-baked, haphazardly conjured up before we had even embarked on our journey. The 2 Senior guys CLAIMED they had talked with the Ag teacher and there had been a vague, loose, between the lines understanding implied that we were going to be allowed to Drink at some point during the vacation.

Bored out of our skulls and the 2 weeks almost up, there had been no micro hint by the Ag teacher of us being allowed to drink. We had some secret Code of Silence / Circle of Trust discussions amongst ourselves. It was agreed that we were going to take matters into our own hands. WE were going to buy Beer ourselves … well, the 2 Senior guys would buy it, as they were 18 and old enough to buy it. However, it was going to be a VERY tricky Strategic Operation … Okay, Up to No Good Mischief Plot. For starters, the entire time we had been there, all 5 of us guys had never gone anywhere together, be it into town for supplies or to the fishing area. Some of us would always stay at the cabin, while the others went wherever it was necessary. We were very much aware it was going to look very suspicious that we suddenly all decided to go together somewhere, in this case, to town for supplies. To add to the tangled web we were about to weave, the nearby little town, which was about 7 miles away, was DRY. Yep, No Alcohol Sales!

Yadi Yadi Yada, all 5 of us guys got into 1 SUV and drove into town for supplies. THEN we proceeded to drive 13 miles farther to the closest town that did sell Beer. We drove back over to by the river to drink our Beer, knowing full well it was illegal for anyone to drink there, as it was part of the DRY area. Never mind that 3 of us were under-aged. We hid the Beer cans in the brush and drove back to the cabin. It appeared at first that our Mischief Plot had been a success. However, that evening, as some of us were playing dominoes, the Ag teacher was just sitting over by himself staring into thin air. Something definitely seemed to be on his mind. We started worrying, "Crap! I think he KNOWS!" Then we'd go, "Nah! He would have said something earlier." Then out of the blue, one of my Junior classmates just starts laughing for no reason. And he couldn't seem to stop. Quietly, we were like, "Shut up, dude! The teacher's going to suspect something." But, the guy just kept stupidly laughing, at nothing. Finally, the Ag teacher gets up and goes, "The reason the idiot can't stop laughing is cuz he's DRUNK! Did y'all really think I didn't know y'all went out drinking? Did y'all think I didn't notice y'all suddenly decided to go somewhere together? I kept track of the mileage on the vehicle and it has 26 extra miles. And why would it take so long for a simple trip into town? Do y'all think I'm stupid?" BUSTED!

The Ag teacher then goes, "You know, I think I should just take my belt off here and whip your Butts" Then he went down the line asking each one of us, "What do you think I should do with y'all?" Four of us said either, "I don’t know" or "Do whatever you want." The 5th guy, though, went, "No, you're NOT going to whip my Butt." For some reason, at that point, the Old Man Cook Dude got into the discussion and went, "We most certainly can. We're in charge of y'all and y'all got out of line." The guy reiterates, "No, you're NOT going to whip my Butt. You're going to TRY." I was like, "Whoa! This is getting serious and out of hand." I could envision the guy and the old man getting into a shoving, pushing wrestling match and the old man having a heart attack. Finally the old man realized his bluff had been called and goes, "Nah! I'm NOT going to whip your Butt. I'm sure you could probably kick MY Ass." The Ag teacher finally decided, "Okay, I tell y'all what. I'm going to let this go. I'm going to pretend this didn't happen. We're going to keep this quiet. Not a peep out of anyone. If I hear at school that this incident is making the rounds, then I WILL make sure the principal whips your Butts." To add to the already uncomfortable situation, I of course still had to ride those 250 miles back with no one, but the Ag teacher and the Old Man.

Final Thought: If you're going to engage in Spring Break Mischief, make sure you have a fully-baked plan … NOT a half-baked plan.