Suntana's Blog Trek

Greenhand? What the heck could I possibly be writing about this week? Could it be some creature from some B-Movie? My Blogging Friend BAM aka Mel / ThatGirl would love it if it was. But, no, it's no B-Movie Creature. Could it be what Super Hero The Green Lantern got after many years of carrying around that Green Lantern? Nah! That's not it either.

Some of y'all have followed my brief mentions of that High School Club, the FFA (Future Farmers of America) in recent Posts. A Greenhand is what they call a 1st Year Member in the FFA. Since the term "FFA" has been popping up in my Posts recently, I just thought I'd let y'all in on the extremely Tough & Brutal requirements it takes to be able to become an FFA Member. The NOT for the faint of heart Membership requirements rival those of the Military Special Forces! Not just anyone gets in. You first have to memorize this HUGE 5-paragraph FFA Creed. Being the Razor-sharp student that I was in my High School Freshman year, I managed to memorize it thoroughly. I knew it solidly, intrepidly like the back of my hand. If someone wanted to test me on it, I'd be likely to look 'em in the eye and say, "Bring It!"

I was now ready for the 2nd part of becoming an FFA Member. The FFA Initiation! Yep, one of THOSE Initiations whereby you have no idea what humiliation or who knows what they're going to throw at you. They took all of us Freshman Ag students into the restroom in the Ag Building. They were then going to be calling us one by one out to the Ag Building to be confronted with who knows what Initiation Up to No Good Mischief, Humiliation and Treachery the Upper Classmen chose to throw at us. It was very rough waiting in the restroom to be called out because we kept hearing the Upper Classmen out in the Ag Building laughing their Asses Off. We kept wondering, "Oh Shit! What the blazes could they possibly be doing to the Greenhands that is so friggin' Hilarious?" Periodically I'd hear a loud noise, almost like a Paddle. I was thinking, "I am NOT liking this. Paddling? This is Bullshit!" I'd hear the Greenhands yelling for some reason. NOT Good at all … NOT comforting. Then as if THAT wasn't bad enough, I'd periodically also hear … a Chicken! YES! A Chicken clucking! I was now officially worried. I was thinking, "EXCUSE Me! WHY is there a Chicken at our FFA Greenhand Initiation? And what are they doing with the Chicken … and the Greenhands?"

Finally I was called out for my turn at the mystery torture, Uhhh, Initiation, that is. Right off the bat, they had me sit on a Big Block of ICE … a by then very much WET Block of ICE! Trust me, I very quickly felt its COLD effect. Remember that FFA Creed, which I had up to then known so thoroughly, solidly forwards and backwards, up one side and down the other? Well, now I was supposed to recite it while sitting on the Block of ICE. However, I wasn't supposed to do it in order. They'd tell me randomly which paragraph of the Creed, out of order, they wanted me to recite. It was much tougher to remember which paragraph was which and the words to the Creed were obviously NOT flowing out so smoothly with my Butt freezing. I'd start reciting some of the words and suddenly have to intermix an impromptu, "Ahhh Shit! This is COLD! Arrrggghhh!" Finally they let me off the hook. Once they told me I was done, I asked, "REALLY? That's all? So, why did I periodically hear a Chicken before?" They told me, "Man! You lucked out. Before, we had been blindfolding the guys. Then we'd put an onion underneath their nose and tell them to sniff it and guess what it was. Once they would all guess it was an onion, we'd tell them to stick out their tongue and lick the onion. We'd of course substitute the Chicken's Butt for them to lick! Right before you, the Chicken crapped. So, we weren't able to use the Chicken anymore." Whew! Talk about dodging a bullet.

Once they finished putting all the Greenhands through that FFA Creed recital on Ice bit, they PAINTED our Non-strong HAND GREEN! We were supposed to keep that hand in its green state for a week. WTF? Son of the BEACH! Those were obviously different times. Nowadays, that Shit wouldn't fly because of the paint being a health hazard on the skin.

We were then told there was one last part. They go, "Anyone ever gone on a Snipe Hunt before?" All of us Greenhands looked at each other all confused? We replied that we had no idea what the heck a Snipe was. They proceeded to inform us that Snipes were these little animals about the size of a small dog, which came out only at night. We were to supposedly shine the truck's lights in their eyes and it would attract them. We'd then supposedly catch these Snipes in burlap sacks. While they sorta said this part was not mandatory, they said it was a lot of fun. I was very leery though because I had caught a couple of the Upper Classmen exchanging some strange mischievous glances. I thought to myself, "I don't like those glances. Something is NOT on the level here. Something is NOT what it seems. I have no idea what these guys are up to, but I smell a rat … a trap or some trickery. I have a feeling it's NOT going to be fun … for us Greenhands anyway."

I believe about 3 Greenhands said they wanted to go on this Snipe Hunt. Yep, they fell for the promise of FUN. I told the Upper Classmen, "Can I go just as an observer? I'm just curious what this Snipe Hunt is, but I don't necessarily want to participate." They told me, "Sure, you can come along." So, 4 of us Greenhands and 2 Upper Classmen got into a Chevy Blazer and headed on out 4 miles out of town to the area where supposedly we'd find the Snipes. On the short trip, the 2 Upper Classmen kept reiterating how much fun it was going to be. And they were giving us Tips on how best to catch these Snipes. Again, I kept catching those 2 dudes exchanging these mysterious glances. Again, I thought to myself, "Nope! I want no part of this. Something is definitely going to go down. I still don't know what it is, but it doesn't sound good." We finally stopped in the theoretical Snipe-rich environment. The other 3 Greenhands got out of the Chevy Blazer with their burlap sacks in hand … ready for the FUN. The 2 Upper Classmen gave me one last chance to join my other 3 Buds on the Snipe Hunt. This time I told the 2 dudes flat out, "Nope! I'm staying right here in the Blazer. You guys are up to something. What are you guys going to do? Are you guys going to leave those other guys out here?" The 2 scheming dudes then informed the 3 Greenhands that we were going to go chase the Snipes in their direction, thus be ready with their burlap sacks to catch the Snipes. Not surprisingly, all we did was make a U-Turn and the 2 scheming dudes just laughed their Asses off and yelled out the windows, "Hah Hah Hah! SUCKERS! See you back in town!" Yep, the 3 Greenhands were just left out there in the dark, still foolishly holding their burlap sacks, 4 miles outside of town. It was about 9:00PM. So, my gut feeling about mischief brewing, saved me a 4-mile walk that evening.

So yes, if someone ever offers you an opportunity for a fun-filled Snipe Hunt outing, especially at night, it'd be in your best interest to turn it down.