Suntana's Blog Trek

My friend Zaph recently wrote a "Back to the 80s" Post in her Blog. That stirred up a flashback of a funny incident I had back in 1983 and is now the impetus for this Post. But, before I actually get to the incident, I'll backtrack and entertain y'all with a prelude of more trivial stuff that led up to that incident. Now now, sit yer Butts and / or brains back down. This is no run of the Milli Vanilla, generic filler stuff like what you get on Movie DVDs. This is top notch, premium, high quality, entertainment-fortified Drivel. I dispense nothing, but the Best Drivel for my readers.

Oh what a night. Late December back in 63. Hmmm? Okay, that isn't going to work. I'll have to change that to:
Oh what a day. Late in Summer back in 83. There! Much better.

So, it was the Summer of 83. The company where I was working was closing down. But, they had offered me my same job over at the new Big City where the company was moving. I told them I'd have to see the area to see if I liked it. So, they flew me over to the new Big City for 3 days to try and entice me to take the job. My potential Boss told me I could do whatever I wanted to during those 3 days. The only request was that I check in with him once a day. I of course was supposed to check out Apartments and stuff. The night of my first day there, I called up 3 cousins that I had in that city. They came for me at my hotel. We took my Rent a Car. We went far away, deep into the city for Pizza.

After pigging out on Pizza, my guy cousin and I took his 2 sisters back to their place. Meanwhile, my cousin and I went out for some beers and Guy Entertainment. Yes, I drank back in 83. My cousin and I got plastered. Then I was depending on my plastered cousin to remember how to get us back to my hotel. Well, he DIDN'T remember. We got lost big time and didn't get back to my hotel until 5:00AM! The next day when I finally crawled in late in the afternoon to check in with my potential Boss, he immediately goes, "Whoa! What happened to you? You look like hell!" Good thing he was a very easy-going, Cool guy. Yadi Yadi Yada … after my 3-day excursion, I took the job.

Memorial Day Weekend was moving day. My big ole Chevy Van was loaded. I met up with a co-worker, my former Supervisor, Chico. He and his family were also going to be moving. But, on this day, only Chico and one of his sons were going in their car along with me in my van. We headed out to the new Big City. In mid journey, we had pulled off the Freeway into this city for gas or something. Suddenly Chico pulls up beside my van on the passenger side. I couldn't understand WTF he was saying. He seemed to be motioning me to pull over. I proceeded to do that. In very uncharacteristic fashion, I must NOT have checked my side mirror because I heard a horn and realized I almost hit a car. Or DID I? I didn't feel that I did. So, I kept going. But, then in checking my mirrors, I realized that the car did pull over and so did Chico. I was like, "Fugg! Son of the BEACH! I sure hope I didn't hit the car!" I made a U-Turn and went back to where Chico and that other car had pulled over. I was feeling all weak and warm as I dreaded ascertaining that I HAD hit the car. But, as I got out of my van, the dude just got in his car and left. I asked Chico, "Whoa! What was that all about?" Chico goes, "Well, you did sorta tap the car. But, Ehhh, it was just a little mark on the bumper … nothing major at all. He was just Pissed Off and kicking his own car when I pulled over. But, I guess he got over it." Whew! What a relief! We took a break as I got my composure back from the near accident. I was like, "Crap! What a start to my new life in the new Big City."

Nevertheless, there was no time to dwell on that. It was time to toughen up. We resumed our journey. We finally made it to the new Big City. We stayed at the same hotel where I stayed during my 3-day excursion. The company paid for our hotel and food for 2 weeks while we found our own place to live. I don't know why, but I stupidly felt a little bit guilty with that arrangement. So, I hurried up and found an Apartment after 1 week at the hotel.

Ahhhhh! My 1st Apartment ever! I now had my own Pad. Now was time to decorate my place. Oh sure, I was a bachelor, but that didn't mean I had to live like a Caveman. As a lot of y'all know me by now, being the perfectionist that I am, y'all can imagine that I had standards. My Living Room / Dining Area was all set. I had my TV and my Stereo. And my Dining Furniture Set? Ohhhhh, that's right. I have to eat on something … something table-ish. Alrighty, then. What could I possibly place my food on? Ahhh! I know. Elementary. I'll just sit down on the Living Room carpet and place my food on my Briefcase! Genius … Pure Genius, I tell ya! Who the Fugg needs a table and chairs when you have a floor and a Briefcase? Tables & chairs are over-rated. In case y'all are wondering, no, I didn't forget the bedroom. I took care of that as well. My stylish bedroom furniture consisted of an Air Mattress and a Sleeping Bag! Yeah Baby! I'm a man of many talents. Not only can I design Blog Themes, but also if any of y'all ever need Interior Decorating help … I'm your guy.

Okay, while my Apartment was seemingly all set furniture-wise, there was something missing. Why yes, of course! The walls were completely bare. There they were, just plain ole white walls, just begging for some Art. You know … since I'm quite the Art Connoisseur. With my high standards and exquisite taste in Art, I had to locate the Best of the Best … Le Crème de la Crème Art source in the new Big City. That is right. I went to the Mall … to Spencer Gifts, to be specific. For those NOT familiar with Spencer Gifts, it is basically a place that specializes in Gag Gifts, assorted Junk, Posters, Etc. So, I moseyed on over to the Art area … FINE! The Babe Posters area. Quit hounding me. Just follow me and go with the flow. After meticulous ogling assimilating the Artistic Essence & Aura of Beauty of the plethora of Art Masterpieces, I finally settled on the purchase of the following … the following … Okay, Posters.





In case some of y'all are NOT familiar with the Fantasies Celeb Babes to the left, that is Heather Thomas in Pink and Lisa Hartman with the Wild Hair. I actually made acquisition of 3 Posters, but my arduous Google search failed to locate the 3rd Art Piece … Heather Locklear in a Red Bikini.

As it were, I had Heather Thomas, Heather Locklear and Lisa Hartman decorating the walls of my bedroom. One afternoon, I was minding my own business when I guess I heard a car horn. I went and took a peek through the window. Oh Shit! It was Chico … and his WIFE! If it had been just Chico, it would have been no problem. But, with Chico's wife tagging along, it was a major problem! My immediate thought was, "My Posters! What am I gonna do?!!! Should I go take them down? No! No time for that. Too many thumb tacks. Chico & his wife are already walking up. Should I rip 'em off the walls? No! There'd be the obvious signs that I ripped Posters off the walls. That would be more suspicious as to just exactly of WHAT the Posters must have been. Crap! What a conundrum!"

:::Knock Knock Knock:::

Shit! It's them. They're here!
Hey, I know. I'll just close the door to my bedroom. That's the ticket. Problem solved.

So, I opened the door. Chico and his wife came in. They of course immediately checked out my Living Room and my Kitchen. They were impressed at how clean everything was. Of course, it was hard for it to be messy when all I had was a TV, Stereo and a Brief Case. THEN she had to ruin things. Chico's wife just HAD to notice the closed bedroom door and nosily go, "So, let's see the rest of your place." I tried a weak, "Ehhh, it's just the bedroom and restroom. You know … you see one bedroom and restroom, you've seen 'em all." But, the relentless Pest, Uhhh, Chico's wife, persisted, "Yeah, but let's see them anyway. I'm curious." Grimacing at the inevitable, I had no choice, but to open the door to my Art Gallery. And there Heather Thomas, Heather Locklear and Lisa Hartman in all their scantily-clad glory smacked Chico's wife in her busybody face with a dose of "You should have left well enough alone" reality. She didn't razz me. I believe she just nonchalantly went something innocuous like, "Wow! Nice! I like it." Right. As if there weren't 3 Babes on the walls.