Suntana's Blog Trek

No No … wipe those smirks and drool off your faces. This isn’t going to be THAT kind of a scandal. No one was caught in the closet doing who knows what with whom right before the wedding. But, WAIT! Don’t leave! I’ll try to make this entertaining. Your Cheese Puffs & Coffee or Beef Jerky & Beer won’t go to waste.

So, I excel at a LOT of things … Okay, maybe various things, but Dancing is NOT one of them. Some years back, a friend of mine decides to inform me, NOT ask me, mind you, but rather inform me that, "Oh, by the way, you’re going to be in my Wedding Party." My immediate thought was a vision of an arena with 60,000 people and up on a stage under countless spotlights, the Wedding Party engaged in some friggin’ Wedding Dance. And of course, Close Ups would be shown in a dozen JumboTron Displays throughout the arena. So, instinctively, it was:
Me: Oh no, I’m not!
Friend: Oh yes, you are!
Me: Oh no, I’m not!
Friend: Oh yes, you are!

Yadi Yadi Yada … Fugg! I was in the Wedding Party.
I believe there were 3 Groomsmen and 3 Bridesmaids. As I recall, at 5’ 8", I was the shortest of the 3 Groomsmen. We’re at the Wedding Rehearsal and I get to meet the Bridesmaid with whom I was paired. Now WTF insanity and warped logic or perhaps self-entertainment notion possessed my friend to pair me up with the tallest of the Bridesmaids? Did I mention Tallest? She was like 5’ 10” in her bare feet. Throw on some Heels and Woooooo! We just about needed Walkie-Talkies so we could communicate with her way up there and me way down below. HELLO??!! Wouldn’t the Wedding Party look better with more appropriately paired up couples? Sheesh! Was this possibly payback for something I did to my friend? So yeah, my nightmare was getting worse. Anyway, somewhere there after the Wedding Rehearsal, I decided to give my Bridesmaid partner the Heads Up that she should be prepared that I was not exactly John Travolta on the dance floor and would thus NOT be reenacting Saturday Night Fever at the wedding. So, she goes, "Oh, don’t worry about it. It’ll just be a slow song and we’ll just fake it."

At least my friend could have made up for this by being game for a Wild & Crazy Heh Heh Heh Bachelor Party. Jeez! I won’t even get into his idea of a post Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Bachelor Party. The Bachelor Party that will live in Boring Infamy. Had I stayed longer, we would have probably wound up playing Tic Tac Toe, Musical Chairs, Old Maid, Checkers and Marbles.

The afternoon of the wedding, the Groomsmen are getting dressed. My friend notices I was not wearing the rented shoes that went with the monkey suit and inquired why not. I informed him that they were Fugly-assed and uncomfortable. My friend insisted that I was gonna wear them because they went with the suit and the other guys were wearing them. Instinctively, it was:
Me: Oh no, I’m not!
Friend: Oh yes, you are!
Me: Oh no, I’m not!
Friend: Oh yes, you are!

This time I held my ground. PAYBACK! I wore MY shoes.
The wedding at the church went without a hitch. It was now on to the reception where the dreaded Wedding Party Dance in the spotlight would eventually take place. The Bride & Groom danced to a slow song. I had already conditioned my mind that I had been over-reacting. Two and a half minutes or so of faking a slow dance and it would be over without incident or embarrassment. So, the DJ proceeds to put on the song for the Wedding Party’s dance:
BAMM! Suddenly I wondered whether someone had drugged me. Why was everything moving so fast? Or at least why was the song so friggin’ FAST? Aren’t slow songs supposed to be slow? Why did this song sooo resemble a Fast SWING song? Son of the BEACH! It WAS a Swing song!!! I guess this was payback from my friend for me refusing to wear the Fugly-assed rented shoes. I took a look over a my friend with a look of, "You Scum-sucking, Lowlife, double-crossing Weasel SOB. I’ll get you for this!" I had no choice, but to engage in Swing Dancing … Errr, or at least some no doubt funny-looking, klutzy movement / activity in lieu of Swing Dancing.