Suntana's Blog Trek

No, this isn't going to be some play by play of a pillow fight between Ashley & Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie. Anyone up for a play by play of a Battle of the Bands instead? Better yet, how about a Battle of the Bands featuring controversy and BS? You know … a good ole-fashioned Sham. Yeah, I thought y'all would like that.

This took place probably around 1 year after I had graduated from High School. My older brother, my older sister and I were already with another Band following our 1st little Band about which I've posted recently. With this Band, we had the Rhythm section and a 3-piece Horn section. One day our Bass Player informed us that there was going to be a Battle of the Bands in one of the local High Schools there in the Big City. He asked us if we were interested in entering. We inquired as to which Bands were going to be there. He told us the lineup wasn't set yet. However, he added that there was a possibility that the Band whom we considered our main competition, was going to be there as per unsubstantiated rumor. They were a more established Band vs. us being together only about 1½ year. And they were a bigger Band with a 4 or 5-piece Horn section. Thus, they were more universally, unofficially considered the Top Tex-Mex Band locally in the Big City. However, we felt confident about where we stood musically. Somehow, we decided it was time to throw the dice and take that Band on. It was time for a Showdown … time to find out once and for all Officially who was Numero Uno! Yeah, it was a risky undertaking. Martial Arts Action Hero Steven Segal has a movie – Kill Or Be Killed. Well, this bold decision by us to take on that Band was gonna have us in the position of Kick Ass or Have Our Asses Kicked! Nevertheless, we agreed, "Fugg It! Let's Do It!"

As a seemingly trivial bit of Info, our Bass Player also mentioned to us in yawn-like fashion that there was also going to be this other Band there, which was NOT very good and thereby was considered to be No Threat. At least that's what HE told us. None of the rest of us had heard that Band. Our Bass Player was like, "Oh yeah, they're just a bunch of dudes who attend that school where the Battle of the Bands is going to be." We immediately go, "WHAT? Well that can't be good! They're bound to Win if they're from there." Our Bass Player assured us, "Oh, but they Suck! We're easily better than them. The Judges wouldn't allow themselves to be swayed by any Home Crowd advantage." From here on, I'll refer to this No Threat Sucky Band as the Sham Band. Y'all will see later why.

So, the Battle of the Bands was ON! It was Battle Day. As it turned out, only 3 Bands showed up. Some Rock Band … the Sham Band … and us. The Band with whom we were supposed to have the Showdown, did NOT show up. I'm NOT sure if we picked numbers out of a hat to determine the order of performing, but the Rock Band was to perform 1st. We were to perform 2nd and conveniently and very suspiciously, the Sham Band got to perform last. The Rock Band started with Kiss' I Love Rock & Roll. As I recall, they performed that song and their other 2 songs very well. The full gymnasium's crowd cheered and acknowledged the solid performance. We then took our shot at enthralling the crowd and impressing the Judges with our 3-song Tex-Mex Set. We were absolutely, positively Awesome, I tell ya! Okay, so I'm a tad biased. Anyway, as with the Rock Band's performance, the crowd also cheered during our 3 songs and acknowledged our solid performance.

Two Bands had put up 2 solid performances in 2 completely different genres of music. We had no idea how this was going to be judged. NOW … as per what our Bass Player had previously assured us, theoretically the Battle of the Bands was now for all practical purposes over. We figured the Winner would be either us or the Rock Band. This because after all, the Sham Band was now next. Man Oh Man were we ever in for a rude awakening and a shocking surprise.

Once the Sham Band went up to take their places and tune up, there was this sudden mad scramble of students, especially girls from the bleachers rushing to go sit down in front of the Sham Band. About half of the gym's floor was quickly packed with students sitting there on the floor all Groupie-like, anxiously waiting for their Idols to perform. WTF? We were like, "Oh Shit! This thing had BETTER really be judged by Judges. Otherwise both us and the Rock Band are going to be Toast!" The Sham Band finally started their 3-song set with a Ho Hum mediocre rendition of Santana’s Evil Ways. During the song, we were like, "Pfffffttttt! That is like soooo pedestrian, vanilla and pathetic." But, to our shocking surprise, as the song ended, the crowd went absolutely Wild, Crazy & Berserk! The Sham Band proceeded to puke out … Errr, I mean, play these two 3rd rate Tex-Mex songs. After both songs, the crowd went even MORE Nuts than with Evil Ways. It was borderline hysteria. It rivaled the behavior of crowds in the videos of when the Beatles arrived in the USA. There was cheering, clapping, whistling, massive foot-stomping, which made it sound like the bleachers were about to freakin' collapse! I think the hyperbole noise would have drowned out the noise of a 747 Jumbo Jet taking off … AND a Tornado's Roar combined. I swear, it was as if the crowd was having a simultaneous, massive orgasm!

Despite all this, we tried to keep some hope, albeit diminishing, that the Winner WOULD be selected via some official, fair, technical, musically-based manner by the Judges. Did the Judges handle it in such a way? Fugg NO! They just took the Chicken Shit way out. They just went, "Let's hear it for this Band … And let's hear it for this Band … and now let's hear it for THIS Band!" Of course, with the Sham Band, the crowd created such a deafening Rumbling Uproar, which probably triggered Seismometers way over in China. So, the sorry excuse for Judges just simply gave the Win to the Sham Band. We were like, "And THIS is what we took a half day off from work?! Son of the BEACH!"

As luck would have it, a couple of months later, we were to get some Razzing Satisfaction Payback so to speak. By then we had the next incarnation of the Band … bigger with a 5-piece Horn section. We happened to get a Trumpeter who played with the Sham Band on that Shameful Sham Day. We got to Razz him, "C'mon, dude! Admit it! We BEAT you guys! We know it and YOU know it. I mean, C'mon! All those girls falling all over themselves screaming, yelling and almost crying over YOU guys?!! Get serious!" We Razzed him until he admitted it was a ridiculous, pathetic, lame fixed Sham.