Suntana's Blog Trek

My newest OC friend and loyal reader of my Blog … Javaen, was perusing my Blog this past week. As much as she was enthralled to infinity and beyond, she informed me that my Blog had a flaw of such epic proportions equivalent to a birthday party without Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake. She said that my Blog did not have a dating disaster story. She came up to my Blog's Drive-Thru and made a special request that I write one such Post. Since she had really been enjoying my Posts and since she very sweetly batted her eyelashes in that please please please way, I was Silly Putty said that for her perusing loyalty to my Blog, I would most certainly oblige and honor her request in a more expedient manner than the Wizard of Oz … and without having her bring me the broomstick of the wicked bitch witch of the West. So, here I am.

Sometime back in the 90s, my so-called best friend, whom I will call Chad, had been pestering me, wanting to set me up with this "Hot Girl" who was the sister-in-law of his other best friend, the security guard at the place where we worked. From here on, I will call Hot Girl – Gina. As it happened, there was going to be this Jazz performance by Jazz Saxophonist Dave Koz at this local Jazz Club. Chad, his girlfriend, this other friend of ours and I were going to be going to take in some Jazz music. I purchased the tickets in advance. Then our friend informed me he wasn't going to be able to make it. So, I told Chad, "Hey, our friend isn't going to be going. So, we have an extra ticket. Here you go. Use it as you please." I was 99.9% certain of whom he'd want to invite. Chad goes, "I can invite anyone?" I go, "Sure!" Chad, practically foaming at the mouth at the prospect of his Setting Me Up scheme finally materializing, goes, "Can I invite Gina?" Nonchalantly, I go, "Sure! I said anyone." As Chad was wiping the foam off his mouth, I quickly added, "But ….. under one condition. This is NOT a date. Nope! No Blind Date. Just a Gal and a Guy … Gina & I enjoying some Jazz music. We'll see what if anything clicks. If we happen to have chemistry and hit it off … Hey! Bonus! We'll take it from there. If we don't hit it off, I don't want to hear any Shit from you. Are we clear?" Chad was allegedly on board with the plan, "Oh, sure! That's fair enough."

To build up my anticipation, Chad decided to show me a Pic of Gina. He was like, "SEE? She's Hot! She's got a BOD-eee that Mmmm! If I wasn't already dating my girlfriend, I'd be dating Gina. What a conceited ape! He was so sure Gina would want to date him. Frankly, the Pic of Gina was very small and the verdict inconclusive.

It was now Jazz concert night … aka NOT a Blind Date night. As per the plan, I was going to be there early to get us a table as it was a small Club. Chad and his girlfriend were going to pick up Gina. I now had us a table. It was a packed house. I kept looking over towards the entrance. Was Cinderella Destiny Dream Girl with a glowing aura around her going to walk in? Or was it going to be a long night? I finally saw Chad and his girlfriend walk in. And … I finally got a 1st glimpse of whom I presumed was Gina. I was like, "Okay --- Nice! Not bad at all. I like what I see. This could be good after all." I motioned them over. Introductions were made and we were now all 4 of us sitting at the little table. Now the Chemistry Experiment of an evening could begin.

Not wanting to hear any Crap from Chad on Monday morning, I put my Conversation Mobile in gear. Ahhh! But, what's this? A Weather Forecast Red Alert! The Conversation Highway has a thick coat of ICE on it. My Conversation Mobile's wheels were slipping. Yep, you got it. Conversation was going nowhere … FAST! Chemistry between Gina and I was nonexistent. Within 5 minutes of our sitting down, I was pretty certain this night was going to sink very fast. Those of y'all who have read my – Mayday Mayday! Fish Overboard Post, remember how that 1st batch of fish that I made for that kids' game sank very fast and thoroughly? Well, that night at the Jazz Club was sinking faster and more thoroughly than that. No matter what topic I brought up, I kept getting one word or one line replies out of Gina. Nothing led to conversation. I felt more like I was interviewing her or conducting a survey. Yadi Yadi Yada … the music was great and we somehow made it through the evening. I declared it a Blind Disaster! I walked her to her car for an awkward goodbye.

Very early that following Monday morning, I saw Chad approaching me with an odd look on his face. He didn't look like he was coming over for a leisurely Shooting the Breeze bit. I had a distinct feeling that he was coming over to sling that Crap, which I had NOT wanted to hear. So, I prepared myself for a counterattack. Chad immediately goes, "WTF happened? You weren't talking." I quickly countered, "Heyyy! I was doing my part! Think back to Friday night. I was the one making all the attempts at conversation. Gina kept giving me nothing, but one word and one line replies. She was not meeting me halfway. She was giving me NOTHING with which to work. With it NOT being a Blind Date as we agreed, I had no obligation to torture myself and keep trying to squeeze conversation out of an unwilling party. I therefore decided, Fugg It and gave up on that lost cause." Chad and I went back & forth with our accounts of that evening. Chad somehow did not see that evening as I saw it … as it actually went down. Chad insisted it was my fault. It was Chad's opinion that I fumbled the ball and Fugged Up. Our conversation finally ended and I don't think I talked to Chad for a week or two.

Fast-forward to a couple of months after that Blind Disaster night. Keep in mind that Chad's version of that night was that I guess Gina had been the barrel of fun … ready, willing and able Chatter Box, but that I had been the Cat Got My Tongue Slug. Chad confessed a shocking incident, at least shocking for him anyway. Apparently Chad went to visit his friend the Security Guard, Gina's brother-in-law. Gina lived there with her sister and her brother-in-law. So, with Chad being (in his mind) this irresistible women charmer, he decided to go up to Gina's room and engage her in some leisurely chat. Gina had been on the phone. I guess Chad had thought Gina would immediately upon seeing it was the Great Chad, would hang up the phone and with tears of joy, excitedly chat up a storm with him because … well, because that's what all women did when they saw Chad, I guess. Much to my extreme joy, Chad finally confessed, "Hey Carlos, you were right! Gina's NOT very talkative at all. I went into her room and she just ignored me as she kept talking on the phone." I was like, "You SEE?! I TOLD you I wasn't the one who Fugged Up on that night at the Jazz Club."