Suntana's Blog Trek

So, it was around 1998 or thereabouts. My friend Danny was getting married. He informed me that his fiancé's sister wanted him to ask me if I would accompany her on my Keyboard as she sang this Martina McBride song, Valentine, at the wedding. I told Danny that I was familiar with neither Martina McBride nor the song Valentine. However, I told him that if he got me a CD of the song, I'd check it out and see if it was something that I could play or if it was Mission Impossible. The wedding was probably around 1 month away. Danny got me the CD and I messed around with the song for about a week. I then told him, "Bring It …" Uhhh, that is to say, I told him I could do it. It was Game On! I told Danny to tell his fiancé's sister that we were going to need to get together to practice a couple of times before the wedding because I sure as heck wasn't just going to show up like that and wing it. I then went, "By the way, is she any good? Can she sing?" Danny goes, "I don't know. I've never heard her." I thought, "Awww, Shit! That's just friggin' great. What nightmare have I gotten myself into?"

At some point, Danny asked me if I could also play the Wedding Song … Here Comes the Bride or whatever it's called. I told him I had loosely messed around with it before, but had never fully finished putting together a solid version. I told Danny to give me a week and see if it appeared I was getting some solid version … that wouldn't embarrass me. To get the perfect tone, I learned the song in the Key of B-Flat, which was a Key on which I didn't have too much experience. The song was coming out great. I was just having some trepidation over playing the song Solo - LIVE in front of who knows how many people in that not exactly familiar Key. I came up with a Plan B compromise. I'd do several Takes the night before the wedding, recording them in my Keyboard's memory until I got a solid one. That Take would then be played at the wedding.

Meanwhile, I periodically kept telling Danny to remind his fiancé's sister that we needed to practice that Valentine song. I was still practicing on my own and polishing up the masterpiece. I was ready to amaze the crowd as I defied the laws of music! Well, that or I'd settle for not Fugging Up. I kept practicing both Here Comes the Bride and Valentine. Finally one week before the wedding, already getting irked, I asked Danny, "Well? When is that girl going to be available to practice?" Danny goes, "Oh! She said she decided to sing with a cassette instead." I was like, "WHAT?!! I've spent 3 weeks learning and practicing some song I've never heard before because SHE told you to ask me if I would do it. I've missed out on valuable TV-watching time … and she just up and decides she's going with a Fuggin' cassette?" So, I was replaced with a cassette without even being heard.

Then I guess feeling like I didn't have enough pressure with having to play Here Comes the Bride, I told Danny that if he wished, I could play Colour My World in there somewhere, like maybe at the end. Danny said Cool, that he'd take it. Colour My World would be no problem, as I've always known that one solidly.

On the night before the wedding, I played 3 Takes of Here Comes the Bride at my place before I was satisfied that I got a solid Take recorded in my Keyboard's memory.

It was now wedding day. I was now all spiffed up in my suit. Okay, really, I HATE suits. I arrived at the hall early. I did a couple practices of Colour My World. I experimented with at what volume level I was going to have to play. I had to be REALLY careful as I did all that practicing and experimentation. One wrong pressing of a Button on my keyboard and POOF! I could easily erase the recorded Here Comes the Bride. If that happened, I guess I'd have no choice, but to play it LIVE!

A man came up to me and goes, "I understand you're the one in charge of the music?" I go, "Yes, I guess that would be me." The man said he was the Pastor, Priest or Reverend. I forget what religion it was. He asked me what I was planning on playing. I told him I was playing Here Comes the Bride and Colour My World. Then shockingly, in some very belittling manner, he just handed me a portable CD Player and goes, "Okay, anyway, I want you to play this song when the bride & groom come in and this song over here when they exit." Just like that, as if what I said, went in one ear and out the other. I was like, "WTF just happened here? I've just been told what to play in the beginning and at the end. I'm no longer playing Valentine. I was previously replaced by a cassette without being heard. And now I am being replaced by a CD Player without being heard."

All Pissed Off, I went to Danny, "That's It! I wash my hands of this BS! After I told that man what I was going to play, he just acted like I wasn't even there, like he didn't hear and just told me what all to play, as if what I was planning on playing was insignificant. I practiced for 4 weeks and now I've been tossed aside." Danny apologized for the circumstances that led to me basically being kicked to the curb … TWICE!

So, I was now relegated to DJ. I performed the complex task of pressing the Play Button on the CD Player. Then it was finally Showtime, what I had been waiting to see. No No, not the wedding ceremony. It was time to hear that girl sing Valentine. She had her own Karaoke unit. The music started and what do I see to my shock? The girl is up there in her long dress, without a microphone, theoretically singing while reading the lyrics from a wrinkled piece of paper. And she was singing so softly and timidly that no one could even hear her. I was like, "THIS is whom I was supposed to accompany? THIS is why I wasted 3 weeks learning, practicing and polishing a song I'd never heard before? THIS is what replaced me with a cassette? This … this girl who can't even memorize the lyrics to a song with which she's supposed to be familiar?"

Anyway, things got worse. Okay, not for me, but for my friend, Danny. He took a week off from work to presumably go on his honeymoon. After that week off, Danny sees me at work in the morning and showing me his left hand, immediately goes, "LOOK!" All perplexed, I just go, "Uhhh, a hand. What am I looking for here?" Danny goes, "No ring! I'm no longer married." I go, "WHAT? What do you mean?" It turned out that Danny's wife had even before the wedding decided she no longer loved him, but thought if she went through with the wedding, the feelings MIGHT come back. $10,000 down the drain, I was told.